The Time Between
by KittyCharles
Summary: When Edward leaves, Bella works hard to destroy herself. After Alice returns, Jasper begins to help her heal, with some interesting outcomes. When Edward returns, will the dynamic change? Rated for poss future chapters. Be kind, it's my first!
1. Homecoming

**A/N: This is my first fan fic. It was going to be a one shot, and then i kinda got caught up in my own lil false reality. If you like it, love it. If you don't, go away or i'll sic Jasper and Emmett onto you. ;) Thx to teishamarie, who gave me a bit of a nice kick to just do it. Go read her stuff!!! :) **

**Chapter One**

**BPOV**

**I'd just stepped from the shower, already Jasper was showing me he wanted me, pushed up against the bathroom door, my towel dropping to the floor. Things had been incredibly hot and heavy lately, and whilst we hadn't actually made love yet, we'd certainly explored plenty of alternative activities. Jasper was mindful of me still needing sleep, even if i wasn't. Even Rose had made comment that perhaps i should take it easy a while, that i looked skinny.**

**Jasper had worried, it had rolled off him for days until Carlisle pointed out that it was perfectly normal for a human to lose weight. Rose simply smiled and pointed out he should be grateful I wasn't gaining weight. The relief on my part had prompted a shopping spree with Alice, and was why we were in the position we were in. I'd bought new lingerie, almost as soon as I'd shown it to jasper we'd been tangled on the bed, his hands all over me.**

**We were the only ones home, (inside at any rate) so when the knock came at the door of the house, we stopped like we were deer in headlights. "Jasper?" He shrugged, "I don't know. Are you expecting anyone?" I shook my head, hastily pulling on a pair of jeans and a long sleeve tee over my new lingerie. I was dragging a brush through my hair as I went downstairs to the door, mumbling about how annoying my tangles were when I opened it, my jaw, and the brush, dropping to the floor. Jasper wasn't far behind me, his voice said it all, "Edward?" **

**He pushed his unruly hair back across his face, and smiled at us both, "Hello Love, Jasper." I continued to stand, frozen, my hand still down by my leg where I'd dropped the brush. It may have been two years, but I wasn't ready for this. Nothing could have prepared me. Alice ran in then, her arm across my stunned shoulders, her voice soothing in my ears, I was grateful to be told what to do, "Bella? Honey, go upstairs to your room. I'm sorry, I tried to come in before...well. Just go lay down, I'll be up to help you with your hair in a little while." She placed the brush back into my hand, and I stumbled up the stairs, feeling all six eyes on me, every single step I took.**

**JPOV**

**The look on her face said it all as she saw who was in the doorway. There was that ridiculous feeling of unworthiness for a few seconds, then her fear, guilt, disappointment and even the momentary relief she felt were immediately obvious to me. As much as I wanted to run to her side, I wasn't sure how Edward would react. I was grateful Alice had taken charge, told Bella what to do. She'd needed that, the look on her face said she was at a complete loss. My heart broke for her, but i kept my own face like stone, no emotion showing. I kept my mind busy as i watched her, the last thing we needed was Edward going off the deep end over Bella and I. **

**Now, as we sat in the living room, it was glaringly obvious. He was feeling the same as Bella's had been on his arrival, although the guilt and the fear were his strongest by far. Bella's feelings from upstairs were calmer, although I could tell she was still in a lot of turmoil. I hoped she didn't bottle it all inside like she had when he left her, that had been incredibly hard to be around, and I'd admit it had been by far the hardest time of my life.**

**I snapped back to the conversation when i heard Alice's voice, sharp and low, "Edward! Why are you here? She's finally over you, and now you're back?" He looked sheepish, "Alice, I should never have left. I want to speak to her." "It's a little late. She's happy now Edward." My words were as cautious as I could make them, I was giving away nothing. Alice looked at me, then spoke again, "Jazz is right Edward. Bella is finally a whole person again. Edward....this isn't okay. You can't come back here. Not to be with Bella." Edward looked astonished, "But....I....I came back for her." Alice shook her head, "You need to let go." Edward looked like he was going to argue, when I found myself speaking, "We should walk and talk Edward." I stood, walking out to the yard, waiting for him to follow.**

**We were deep in the woods before I began to speak, I wanted to make sure not even Alice could hear what I was willing to tell him. "Edward, when you left, you destroyed her. We all did some damage, but you....You shattered her soul." He looked at me, incredulous "No....I......she's human Jasper. She healed. She'll forgive me." I nodded, "I'm sure she'll forgive you. But she won't take you back. She's past you now Edward, she's moved on. You need to respect that, it what you told her to do." He looked hurt, and annoyed with himself, "But Jasper.....I love her. I shouldn't have left, it was a stupid, stupid thing for me to have done. She has to understand that. She loves me." He ran his hand through his annoyingly untidy hair as I spoke, "She loved you Edward, in some way she probably still does. But....not like that anymore. She's recovered, she's moved on. Don't hurt her again.....You...you can't. She won't survive it." **

**We kept walking, and he sighed, "But Jasper, she's human. Humans don't ever know what they truly want at the best of times. She might....she might still want me. She must still want me. I very much still want her." I sighed, he wasn't going to get it. "Edward, I really .....I wasn't going to......you should feel this.....I think...perhaps.....it's necessary." He looked at me, and i began to speak, "I won't share her emotions with you, they belong to Bella, they're hers to share if she chooses....but I will let you feel some of what I had to absorb when I arrived. I can tell you all about after you left." He nodded, and I began, my voice soft, trying to contain the need to rip him limb from limb. "Alice came back, only three months later, all on her own. She told me she was going to Seattle to shop, and somewhere along the line, she ended up here." I had to take a breath, my memory here was painful, hurting my heart, "Alice rang and told me Bella was close to death, that Carlisle must come immediately. She had barely slept for those three months.... and Charlie....Charlie told her....Charlie....when Bella managed to sleep, she'd have these horrific nightmares. She wouldn't eat, wouldn't do anything. Edward, she barely left her room, or that damn bed." Edward was hunched over, i knew he was trying to justify his departure to stop the guilt, but I kept talking, "She was a mess. When Carlisle came, Charlie begged him to admit her. Carlisle refused, he knew Bella needed to start living. The hospital was not the place for that. Once Bella understood.....once we were back.... she knew we all loved her, that she hadn't done something to make us leave.... she began to heal. It took....well.....a lot. Rosalie was the one who broke through to her eventually. For a while she was simply going through the motions; school, work, home. Occasional visits with us. School, work, home. I don't know what Rose said to her, but after that, things began to get better." I sighed, "You have to understand Edward....she thought we had left because of something she had done. She.....Edward...you had her convinced she wasn't good enough for you......she....she could have died if Alice hadn't come back." He looked at me in disbelief, and then sighed, "She can't have been that bad jasper.....Bella's strong, independent." I scoffed then, and flooded him with her emotions from the day I'd returned. It wasn't long before he pleaded with his eyes, down on his knees on the ground, "Stop..... Jasper. Please." I did, but I looked him in the eye, "THAT brother, is why you can't just waltz back in here two years after you ruined her." He frowned, "Was that you....or her?" I smiled cruelly, "The last? All Bella. Every last bit. And that was only what i thought you could deal with. Imagine....just imagine brother....feeling it all, first hand. At least a hundred times more terrifying and horrible. A hundred times more life and soul destroying." He nodded at me, "I'm sorry. I need to tell her I'm sorry...... I should never have left." I was angry now, "Too late, brother. You can't change things. You should absolutely apologize Edward, but then....I don't know that you should be here. It's up to Bella....it's her decision." **

**We walked in silence for longer, and then he stopped, his hands fidgeting nervously, "The nightmares?" "Charlie said she would never talk about them. When Alice got anything out of her, it was graphic, so viciously cold Edward. Some of the things she dreamt....I didn't even see those things in the southern wars." I sighed, "And the others........ in those she always dreamt variations on the same theme. She was running, trying to catch up to us in the woods. You, specifically, although we were all running there. The further she got into the woods, the further away we got. She never managed to catch up, and something was chasing her. Edward....it's taken us two years to rebuild her. Don't undo all that work. It would be cruel." I didn't add the last thought, that it would destroy me as well. My world was over if Bella chose to return to Edward.**

**He was thoughtful as he walked back to the house, "Do you....Jasper, do you think she'll speak to me?" I glanced up at the bedroom window, the lights were out, only the single candle on the bedside burned, a soft glow was in the room. "I think you could speak with her, yes. Tonight? No. She's already in bed." He looked up to where I was gesturing, Esme and Carlisle's guest room. It had always been meant for Bella, it was her own safe place to retreat to. Edward pushed his hair back, a gesture beginning to annoy me more than anything ever had before, and we both watched her shadow moving around the room I recognized what she was doing. moving to the bay window, her haven to read.**

**I pushed him then, hard, so hard it had to have hurt, "Edward, move." I shoved him towards the back of the house, and followed. "What the hell? Why did you do that?" "She's going to the window. You don't need to be what she sees when she sits down, it'll be bad enough she'll probably dwell on you all night and not sleep." He sighed, "I really screwed this up." "You did. I'm not gonna sugar coat it. Even Jane couldn't punish you as much as you've done Bella. For nothing Edward. For Nothing." I virtually spat the words as i began to shift away from him. Carlisle cleared his throat behind us then, and I took my leave, "I'm going inside. Edward, I'll talk to Bella. If she'd like to hear you out, we'll be out here at lunchtime." He nodded, following Carlisle into the dark. I could only hope Carlisle would re-iterate my point to him, he was no longer welcome here.**


	2. Face My Fears

A/N: Okay, so thank you to my very first reviewer! A demand for more was...well...very YAY! This is a super short chapter, because when i write, i write in bursts....this just didn't seem to belong with more, so i'll post two chapters here at once. :) I hope you enjoy it....being awake in the wee small ones means i should have used a beta but didn't....remember, love makes the world go round. Reviews make me inspired. :) SM Owns Everything, lucky woman!!

**BPOV

I'd seen them, walking down there as i got ready for bed. I moved the blanket, pulled up the rocker, sat in my place in the window. Not even Edward's presence would rob me of this quiet time. My time. I closed my eyes, and let myself drift back to the day Jasper had first kissed me, up on the cliff, when I was thinking I'd jump and see if it was a heady experience. I think, some nonsensical part of me had wondered what it would feel like to die as well, and if anyone would miss me. One "someone" in particular. After all, I knew I'd developed feelings for Jasper, but I was sure he considered me a sister, as Emmett did. I smiled to myself as I recalled his strong arm barring me from the leap, his cool skin, his hard but gentle lips on mine as he came in for the kiss, "Oh, my Bella. What will we do with you?"

I felt cool hands on my shoulders, I knew them, but I was still afraid. jasper hushed me, "Darlin'...relax. It's just me. Edward's gone, Carlisle took him out to the barn I nodded, "Is he....." "He's going to hang around a day or so darlin'. He wants a chance to talk to you." I froze under his hands then, I couldn't help it. "Jasper? I don't know....." "Darlin'....we'll be with you if you need, but I think......I think it would be good to hear him out." I could tell Jasper died a little as he said that, I didn't know the right thing to say, and so I simply looked up at him, "Jas? I'm sleepy." He picked me up, carrying me to the bed. I shook my head, "No. I want you to hold me, all night. Your room." he nodded, kissing my head, and carrying me away.

JPOV

It killed me to watch her sleep that night, knowing that if life was as cruel as fate could be, it might be the last night i did so. I knew, in my heart, there was no chance she'd choose him after what he'd done, but what if it made her question her relationship with me as well? When I knew she was out cold, I whispered for Alice, who came quietly, softly in her shoes to the room. She sat on the seat by the window, "Jasper? What is it?" I looked at her, saying nothing, she knew. "She won't choose Edward. I can see that, no matter what he does." "But will she still want me?" My voice was desperate, and Alice's face softened, smiling, "She won't fall out of love with you in her entire lifetime Jasper. You can be sure of that." I looked at Alice, she hadn't directly answered me. She sighed, "Jas....This has nothing to do with my vision, and everything to do with my love for you both. Bella may well retreat tomorrow, after her talk with Edward, and she might want to be alone. Really alone. For some reason, I can see her spending the night at Charlie's, and I can't tell if it's because we've called a meeting, or if it's because she needs space. I can tell that she still loves you, and your future together hasn't changed a bit." I sighed, stroking Bella's hair as she trembled in her sleep. She giggled a little, "Besides, do you doubt me? I hardly would have given you up so easily had she not featured so prominently you know." I smiled, "I know Alice. Thank you." She shrugged, "Don't thank me yet. There's still a long road to go Jasper. Not every way is easy."

Bella dreamt a lot that night, at some point early in the morning Carlisle came in, "Jasper....I think I should give her something, she'll be exhausted otherwise." I shook my head, "No. She's sleeping, but she needs to get this out." He nodded, before leaving the room, and smiled, "Edward might try to convince her Jasper, tomorrow. I don't think he'll have much luck." I nodded, and then he spoke again as he walked away, "Be prepared for a mess Jasper. Remember what she was like when he left....when we returned. She'll need you tomorrow, maybe more than ever before."

BPOV

I woke to the smell of a delicious breakfast, and Jasper's smile. I smiled back, stretching like a cat in the huge bed, "Hello." "Hello darlin'. I made you these." He handed me a tray, holding a muffin and some fresh coffee. "Coffee Jas? What's coming?" I didn't usually have coffee, it wound me up like a hummingbird. I drove him insane when I was buzzing on the caffeine high. It made Alice look sane. He smiled, "Edward is waiting to speak with you darlin'. It's your choice." I nodded, taking a breath, "I think I should. I can at least hear him out. doesn't mean O have to be best friends with him." Jasper smiled, "That's right sugar. Now, when you're done here, have a shower and come downstairs. Alice has a gift for you."

I dressed carefully. I wanted Edward to see the woman i had become, to make him appreciate how much I'd grown without him. I put on soft corduroy jeans, such a deep brown they matched my eyes, and a pretty soft green and grey shirt, hugging my new figure. I dried my hair off, pleased to have the chance to show Alice I'd taken on board her frequent "lessons". I slipped my feet into some soft flats, and grabbed my old blue jacket from the closet. I was debating wearing the ring Jasper had given me, when Alice appeared in the hall, "Wear it. He won't know. But Bella.....don't make him angry. He won't hurt you, but.....wanting to get even with him will cross your mind. Don't...? Please. It greatly changes the outcome." I nodded, hugging Alice then, and she smiled, "And Bella? " I nodded, and she leaned forward, whispering into my ear, "Go alone. Jasper and Carlisle will wait nearby." I smiled, and went down to meet Jasper, Carlisle and my fate.


	3. Starting Anew

a/n Okay, so i know i said longer, and this isn't really....but cut me a little slack. MY lazy butt free flowing writing doesn't always lend itself to chapters. :) I hope you can bear with me. xx PS If you haven't already, check out teishamarie's writing. :) it's wonderful!!

***EPOV

She was stunning, as always. I simply stood, staring like a dolt until she was delivered to where I sat, in the shade of the oak behind the house. Carlisle kissed her cheek, as did Jasper before they walked back to the kitchen, I knew they wouldn't take their eyes off me until I had her safely back inside.

She sat very gracefully on the bench, leaving more than enough room between she and myself to make it clear, she would hear me out, but she was no longer mine. I pushed my hair back, and then smiled, "You look well Love." She nodded, "Edward....this is awkward enough. I don't want to be rude, but...can you just spit it out, whatever it is?" I was taken aback. This wasn't the old Bella. This was a new, not taking anyone's crap Bella, and it only served to tug on my heart strings more. How had I simply given this beautiful, mesmerizing creature up the way I had? She cleared her throat, and I smiled, "Sorry. Bella....I came back, to apologize." She said nothing, her hands quietly in her lap, just listening.

I began then, in earnest, and she remained that way for the hour it took me to speak, never moving, no expression. "Bella...love, I should never have left you that day. I honestly thought that I was doing the right thing, that I would remove myself....us....and thereby the danger we posed to you....it never occurred to me that it might do so much damage to you." I continued, uncomfortable there alongside her silent form, until she looked up at me, "Edward, stop." She reached out, her tiny hand touching my own, "You need to stop. You're going in circles." She took a steadying breath, "Edward, I hated you so much for what you did. Hated. I've never hated anyone in my entire life. Nobody...until you left me that day." She let that sink in, "But then I realized. If I spent my life hating you, I was no better than you. I would have no more regard for myself than you appeared to have when you left me alone in the woods. I would become bitter, and reluctant, and.....alone. More alone than i already felt. I forgive you Edward. I forgave you a long time ago. It's time to move on. I have. You destroyed me, but building myself again, piecing every part of me back together? That was the best thing i could have had to do. Now I truthfully know who I am. On my own....just Bella Swan. Myself." I sighed, Alice knew her too well, with or without her visions. "Bella.....Love.....I simply want the chance to." She cut me off, "No. Edward, there will never be another us. If you want to stay here, with your family, and rebuild your friendships with....with everyone here, then that is your decision, and I won't stand in the way of it. Family is important." She took a deep breath, and it was then that I noticed the tears in her eyes. I handed her my handkerchief, she shook her head, and reached to brush at them with her hands. While she was talking, I noticed the gold promise ring on her right ring finger, "Edward....it will take a while for me to trust you again. But I'll try. If we're going to belong to the same family, it's what I need to do. I want to do.......I have to do."

We sat in silence for another eternity, my mind working overtime until i could no longer contain it, "Bella....have you met someone?" "Yes, Edward." "Do they....do they know about.....us?" My voice was a little higher than normal, and she nodded, "He does. He know about everything Edward, including you leaving." I sighed. So this boy, whoever he was, knew about my family, knew about they way I had behaved. I was more shamed and humbled by that fact than I cared to admit. "I wish you the best Bella." She nodded, patting my hand again, "Edward, I'm going inside now, and I'm not coming back. If you're here tomorrow when I get home, I won't ignore you." I looked up at her then, and saw what she was doing. She was giving me the key back to my Volvo, and that small box....no. No. She couldn't give me that back. I shook my head as she placed the box in my hand, but she smiled, "Edward, please. It hurts to look at it. It hurts just to be in possession of it." Her eyes were overflowing, and even without Jasper's "assistance" in feeding the pain back onto me, I could tell she was hurting, badly. I wanted to reach out to her, to soothe her as I once had, but Carlisle appeared then, shepherding her into the house. It was only a matter of minutes before I heard the front door open, and they left in his car, Bella carrying her backpack, one hand swiping at the tears.

BPOV

I hardly noticed Carlisle's gentle but forceful arm leading me back into the house, or the bag that Alice pressed into my arm. I barely felt Jasper's cool lips on mine before Carlisle took me to his car.

When I came back to reality, I was in my bedroom at Charlie's, in my chair by the window, nervously playing with Jasper's ring. I must have sat there for hours, it was pitch black when Jasper's presence was felt, disappearing only for a moment when Charlie came into my room, "Oh, Bells. I didn't know you were coming home." I smiled, "Yeah I....I figured it couldn't hurt to spend a night away from the Cullens." He grinned, "Is everything okay? Do you want me to stay? I came home to change before I head down to the res but..." I shook my head, "No, really. I'm fine. You go, say hi for me okay?" He nodded, but then turned back, his eyes wary, "Bells....are you really okay?" I smiled then, stood up and hugged him, "Yes Charlie. Just.....Edward came back today." He was silent, but I smiled again, "And I realized I have absolutely nothing left in here for him." I patted my heart, "He apologized, and....and I told him where he stood." "Bells...does he know about you and....Jasper?" "No. I didn't see the need to mention that just now." Charlie hugged me again, kissing my head, "Alright honey. You call if you need anything." I nodded, "Night dad."

When Charlie was gone, Jasper stepped out, "Darlin'....I'll go if you'd like, I just wanted to come and make sure you were okay. Carlisle said you were a little like a zombie when he left, and Alice tried to convince me you were fine but....." I smiled, letting him take me into his arms, and I began to sob. Huge, deep, wrenching sobs, that put me out cold after an hour. Jasper didn't even try to control my emotions, he let me feel everything, and I was incredibly glad he did.

In the morning, I woke to kisses and wandering hands, and giggled, "You just can't contain yourself, can you?" He looked sheepish, "Darlin'...have you seen you? Have you met you? Everything about you makes me want to hide you away all to myself." I smiled, brushing his cheek with my hand, "Jazz....I love you." He smiled, and a tiny growl escaped his lips as I pushed my body against his, "You know....nobody's home...." I fluttered my lashes, and he smiled, "I want to give you something special, something you'll remember. I don't want to rush things so we don't get caught. Not the first time darlin'. I promise, not long darlin'." I frowned, then smiled, "Okay. Well....Hurry okay? I know....you might feel all traditional and want to wait, and....part of me does too but...." "But what darlin'?" "But Jasper, I know you'll be with me forever. I don't need the ring to know that." I winked seductively, "And it's taking all the willpower i have to behave". I settled for some fooling around, and that afternoon, Charlie came home to find the two of us watching sports downstairs. "Oh, hey kiddo. Jasper." Jasper smiled, "Hello Charlie. I assume you've heard the news?" "Your rotten brother? Yeah." Charlie slammed his bag on the kitchen table, and I sighed, "Speaking of.... Jasper, I assume we'll need to go back soon?" He simply nodded, looking towards the hall but Charlie was already on his way up to change.


	4. What are you up to Alice?

A/N Ok, i dunno why i feel like i have to write an explanation at the beginning of every chapter, and i promise i'll quit doing it soon. This one is....MEGA SHORT. I wrote it as a lead into something else, and then didn't want to publish the rest without giving it the proper space. So here it is. The super, duper, tame a** sex scene. There'll be more, maybe, and i promise to try and write em better, but for now, Enjoy. :)

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A month passed before Alice pulled me aside one day, "Bella, honey, Edward is going to be mad tomorrow sometime. He'll finally...well....he figures some things out." She grinned, "Some things that even a blind man could have figured but anyway. It is Edward.... Just....don't let him frighten you." I assumed it was to do with Edward discovering Jasper and I were together, so far, he had indicated he just thought I hadn't bought him to the Cullen's house. For Edward, Jasper was simply an independent unit now, just as Alice had become.

That afternoon, she kissed my cheek, excited, "There's a gift in your bedside drawer....if you need it. Promise me you'll be very careful." I nodded, unsure of what she meant. I saw Jasper return from his hunt, and the others leave for theirs; Edward waved to me and I smiled, "Have fun you guys."

Jasper had disappeared into his room, so I knocked softly, as i entered the room, his mouth took mere seconds to find mine, I squealed in delight when I realized all he wore was the towel he'd wrapped around his waist after his shower. His strong hands made short work of the t-shirt I wore, and then my jeans, It was then that opened my eyes, momentarily forgetting I stood there in my underwear. The room was lit with candles everywhere, soft music was playing,; Jasper had brand new sheets and the curtains were closed. Beside the bed was a small table set with food, and he led me over, kissing me as he pulled me onto his lap, "Welcome to dinner." I giggled, "I eat mine ad then you eat yours?" He smiled, "Darlin'....I would never change you until you asked it of me." I kissed him again, and ate dinner wrapped in his shirt.

After dinner, he took me into the bathroom, where a hot bath waited for me, and he smiled, "This is all yours darlin'. I'll be here when you're finished." I looked at him, "You won't join me?" He shook his head, "I'd cool the water in minutes. I'm happy waiting darlin'."

The light was dim when I emerged, wrapped in my own towel. Jasper gently kissed my neck, my shoulders. His hands softly caressed me, turning me to face him as he let my towel fall to the floor. "Beautiful. Bella....you're so...perfect." I smiled, nervous. Jasper kissed me more passionately then, "Bella...darlin'....We aren't going to do anything you don't feel alright with. I love you darlin'....I simply want to show you how much." I could only nod dumbly as I followed him to the bed, letting him lift me up and lay me in the centre. After kissing me from head to toe, slowly, sensually, he rested off to my side, kissing me as he gently stroked my breast, my stomach, his fingers lingering on my thigh before they began to gently caress my damp, hot sex. As he kissed me tenderly, he slipped one finger inside me; after a few moments, he inserted another. I sucked in a breath at the constrictive feeling, I soon relaxed. Jasper was gently nudging my opening with a third finger, I was close to coming. I was nervous, but it only served to heighten the feeling. I looked into his eyes, "Jasper? I need you." My voice became urgent, breathy, desperate, "I _want_ you" He smiled as he kissed me, gently teasing me to bring me over the edge, before carefully balancing his weight above me as he slid his incredible, muscular body between my legs. He kissed me, "Darlin'....this will hurt. Sugar I'm sorry, and I can use my gift as best I can but.....I think it might still hurt some." I nodded, "It's okay. I trust you". Then he smiled, "Isabella Swan, I love you. You are....the most perfect woman on this earth, what i did to get you, I'll never know but I count my lucky stars. Thank-you for this gift." I blushed, and wrapped my arms across his shoulders as he braced himself above me with his arms, "Bella....are you ready?" I nodded, softly, my breath coming in short gasps against his kisses as he positioned himself at my opening, it stretched incredibly slowly to accommodate him. Tears pricked my eyes as he entered me, I made a tiny cry as he broke through, even though he sent me wave after wave of love and comfort. He was just so BIG! I hadn't been expecting...well....so much of him. He looked to me, his eyes full of concern, and a little fear, "Do you want me to stop Bella?" I shook my head, "No.....I want to feel you Jasper." He gently moved inside me, taking his time, kissing me, caressing me, soothing me; after twenty minutes, he smiled at me, "Bella? Are you ready?" I looked at him oddly, "For what?" Oh, naive Bella, that there is the moment confirming my innocence.. I would never ask THAT question again. He kissed me, gently rocking his hips, and my body joined my own in, seeming to know exactly what to do to give me pleasure. I felt the crescendo rise in me, we both crashed with the same ferocity, waves of pleasure and a strange tingly sensation coming over me, I was breathless , we were moaning each other's names. I was, in that instant, thankful for Alice, who had organized the hunting trip. Jasper kissed me, holding me in his arms afterwards. "Bella, darlin', I love you." I smiled, "I love you too."

During the night, we made love twice more, both times gently and loving, Jasper afraid to cause me more pain, and I a willing student.


	5. Resolutions

**A/N: Here goes. It gets a bit....tricky. and yes, i DO know Angsty isn't a real word, but it sounded right when i wrote it, so there. New word, feel free to use it. :) Thanks for the reviews, I have probably another six chapters already mostly edited to post over the next few days, i'm not sure how many this will eventually be when complete. Don't forget to go check out teishamarie! :) **

* * *

**In the morning, Alice appeared with breakfast for me while Jasper was out hunting, something I'd had to convince him to do. He didn't want to leave me, he said, he didn't want me to feel he'd taken such a special thing and then gone away. Alice hugged me to her, "Oh sister. How exciting. Was it painful?" I smiled, "Alice, it was wonderful." She kissed my cheek, "He's coming back now. I love you." I smiled, "Love you too Alice. And......thank-you." She stopped by the door, "For what Bella?" I shrugged, "For.....being my best friend." She giggled, "We're sisters silly. We're supposed to be best friends. No matter what." Her words rang through me as i considered then, all that she must have given up for me. **

**After showering and dressing with Jasper, who was incredibly attentive, even going so far as to wash my hair for me, hardly letting go of me so I could dress, we went downstairs. I didn't let go of Jasper's hand when we reached the kitchen, and he playfully picked me up and popped me on the bench while he made us both a coffee. He said it was the one human thing he missed, besides smoking. Too late, we realized Edward was there, and he glared, "Don't you have a beau Bella?" I nodded, distractedly, I should have known better, I should have really listened to Alice's caution. I was too busy thinking of the pleasure I'd had with Jasper. Jasper smiled as he played with my hair, "So do I brother." Edward laughed, "You have a boyfriend too?" Jasper looked at him, "Oh, what?...no. But I have a beautiful woman." He kissed me then, and I felt Edward's anger rise a hundred points. "Bella is your.....the perfect creature you told me about was.....my Bel.....was Isabella?" I smiled, "Don't be so stunned Edward. The other's knew before we really did ourselves." He looked at me, "And you ....said....nothing...when you knew I wanted to ask about the promise ring..." I nodded, "It wasn't....something I felt like discussing with you." He seemed to calm, but I knew it wouldn't last, so I spoke, "Edward, come outside with me a moment?" I knew that if we stayed in there, he would snap at Jasper, and I didn't want to see them fight. Jasper kissed my cheek, and Edward followed me outside.**

**Out in the yard, I looked at Edward, "Edward.....I know this hurts. It's probably....right up there on the scale." He nodded, but I could see his angsty brain was trying to behave, "Does he make you happy?" I nodded, smiling, "He does. Edward....... I guess..... I'll always love you in a way, but...Jasper completes me. And...it would seem, I do the same for him." "Bella....I just.....he's my brother." "None of us can choose who we fall in love with Edward." I blushed at the thought, then, "Edward.....I'm sure there's someone out there." He shook his head, "It was supposed to be you Love. You were my everything. You call to me like a drug." I smiled sadly, "I think...you loved me. You do love me. But Edward, I've had a lot of time to think. I honestly believe it's more an obsession with my blood calling to you than anything else. Foremost....at any rate." He seemed hurt, and then his eyes went black as he sniffed the air near me, "Bella....did you.....have you been....you've been with....Oh my god. You and Jasper...." I still wasn't sure what he was getting worked up about as he turned, facing the kitchen, "JASPER WHITLOCK! OUTSIDE, NOW!!"**

**Jasper walked casually into the back yard, "Yes Edward?" Edward was furious, "Don't yes Edward me. What have you done with....my innocent, beautiful Bella?" He kept glancing between the two of us like there was something he couldn't believe, like we both had two heads or were on fire. "Jasper....how.....did you....could you......Bella.....it's not....you could have....dangerous.....Oh my god." Jasper reached out to Edward, "Edward....I love her. I could never hurt her." Edward was having none of it, stepping violently back from his brother as he began to glare in my direction, "All that care I took Bella! All the times I held back, I put myself through hell so I wouldn't lose control...and he just....Jasper just takes you, like that?" He snapped his fingers pathetically, and I stepped forward a little, my hands making calm down motions even though i knew it was futile, "Edward.....it wasn't....we were safe. I was safe. It was safe." He interrupted me, "NO. No.... it was never safe Bella, it can never be safe for you, don't you understand? Jasper is the least used to human blood not being on the menu. He could have killed you! His blood lust....his need for you....Jasper! You could have killed her. You could have killed my Bella." He dropped to his knees, dry sobbing, and I stepped right up to his face, "Edward Cullen....there's more than one thing wrong with that statement, but here's the main point. I am NOT your anything." I stormed into the house, into the kitchen, where i could still hear everything. I could hear Jasper, "Edward, how could you be so selfish? Bella was trying with you, really trying to be friends. Even though you didn't deserve it, after what you did to her. She was trying so hard.....you jackass. All you care about was that she could have been hurt, even though she wasn't. She's here, right in front of you Edward, alive and well." **

**When he spoke, Edward's voice was soft, and damaged, in a way that made Jasper a little afraid, as he looked up at Jasper and spoke, "Jasper....it's not that. I just.....I had such a struggle, so much difficulty, and you.....Jasper, you of all of us...to be able to with such ease......the most vicious of our family. The one who.....you tried...her birthday.....and yet, it seems to come so easily to you. I struggled, it tried me so much to be with her........" Jasper simply stood, leaving Edward on the ground murmuring to himself. I finally got it. Edward was jealous. It hurt him to know someone else hadn't been afraid to love me, to take the risk, to trust themselves. I watched from beside Carlisle as Jasper came inside, leaving Edward kneeling on the ground looking ashen.**

**I turned to Carlisle, "Will this ever get easier? Carlisle....I'm not stupid. I'm aware it's going to be difficult, for both of us, maybe more so Edward now but.....Is it really necessary? If he's like this about Jasper and I being...intimate, what will he be like when I'm changed? Do you think he'll try and stop it?" Carlisle smiled, hugging me, "My daughter, Edward has always been a tad dramatic. I think, you'll find, over time, he will still be as fiercely loyal to you as always, but he'll realize his mistake and his sensibilities will change. I think, and hope he'll become the loving brother you deserve, but it's up to Edward whether he wants to be in yours and Jasper's life or not." I knew Edward was listening, he was staring up at the study window. I put my hand softly against the glass, and he waved back, a truce of sorts. I sighed then, leaning against Carlisle, "Carlisle......life is incredibly hard, you know?" He let out a soft chuckle, and patted my shoulder "Imagine witnessing more than a hundred years of it Isabella." **

**That evening, before dinner, I felt a cool hand on my shoulder, when I turned, he was gone, but I knew where to follow. In the music room, Edward sat quietly, still, at his beloved piano. I smiled, "Esme refused to move it, even into storage. She said she's never lived somewhere without it. I think she missed you especially badly Edward." He smiled , "Esme....is very....she's a fantastic mother." He looked me in the eye, "She loves everyone, especially her children Bella. You included, in fact....maybe she loves you the most. You're the most delicate, the most....worthy of her love. Compared to us all." I smiled, he was doing no harm murmuring on, even if it was his usual dramatic musings, and then he looked at me, really, deeply looked at me, "You've grown up Bella.......into such an amazing, beautiful young woman......so mature, so grown up...I haven't. I apologize. It feels like I may spend my next five years apologizing for my childishness, but.....if I do, then so be it. Bella, I want for us to be friends. I don't want for there to be.....tension if we're in the same room." I smiled, "You know....I don't want to say it but......that's all you. I'd forgiven you a long time ago Edward. I haven't forgotten but....we can be friends. Just quit being such a pain." I giggled, "Being and Emo is so last season." He smiled, "I'm probably annoying Jasper just as much." I nodded, "You sure are. And in turn,.....he's driving me insane with his mood swings. Come on.....quit it." I sat beside him on the piano stool, my hands gently on the keys and he looked at me, "Have you learnt to play any more?" I giggled, "Esme has the patience of a saint but......no. And the world is better for my lack of playing." I was thoughtful then smiled, "I know she'd love to hear **_**you**_** play though. She's missed your music." He looked sad then, his voice soft, a little hopeful, "Is it only Esme?" I sighed, "Edward......we all missed you in different ways. Even me. But....you need to move on from your sulking. Come back and join us in the real world." I sighed, "Because I don't know if i can keep this up if you don't. He nodded, closing his eyes and launching himself into his playing, a piece Esme loved, that he'd written specifically for her.**

**I sat for a while, listening, until I heard Jasper's car in the drive, he was back with my mail. I launched myself at him, and he let a silly giggle escape, before frowning at me, "Darlin'....you're killing me." He smiled, and I giggled as I kissed him, "Nothing you haven't already experienced." There was even a small laugh from the music room, and I smiled, "While you were gone we talked, a little. I've missed you." He swept me into his arms, "I've missed you too. I have something I want to ask you after dinner."**


	6. The Cliffs

I was on edge until I'd put my plates in the sink and Jasper had pulled me into his arms, taking off into the woods. I hadn't missed the look of excitement on Alice's face as we'd left either, judging by the feelings Jasper was sharing, maybe we were going to have an "adult" camping trip. He stopped, by the cliffs where he'd told me he loved me, the cliffs he'd stopped me from jumping from, the cliffs where he'd probably saved my life. I owed him everything, he'd saved me from myself.

We sat on the edge , I was wrapped in his arms, and we watched the stars, the gentle waves lapping at the rocks below. "It's mesmerizing you know....the waves down there. I'd almost jumped before you came that day, they called to me, they have some kind of pull. I honestly think they made me want to see what it felt like to die". Jasper kissed my head, "Darlin'....I can't imagine what would have happened to me if you'd done something like that...if anything....if anything at all had happened sugar....." I shrugged, "Don't. It frightens me to think about then. I was.....broken." It was true, I'd been so lost, so disenchanted, I was prepared for the final moment of death, if I had jumped just so, hitting the rocks and drowning in the water. The freezing, winter cold water. In mere minutes. That water would have killed me alone. The one time I'd fallen in, when I'd first come to Forks, I'd been wrenched from the heavy dark water, and immediately taken to the hospital, just in case. Not only had Charlie lectured me, Edward had given me an earful as well; even Carlisle had weighed in, given me a fairly stern talking to. Carlisle's speech had by far been the most frightening, he just had a way of driving home exactly what could have occurred, the seriousness of it all.

Jasper turned me around then, stood me on my feet. He kissed me before dropping down to the blanket again, and I giggled, "Jas....I'm not hungry, thirsty or cold. Come here and hug me. " He seemed quieter than usual, and it was then I noticed that he was projecting nothing. He was purposely hiding his feelings from me. "Jasper?" My voice was small, was there something bad he needed to say?

He smiled, and it was then I saw he was on one knee, and had pulled my hand into his. His other hand was holding a small velvet box, completely different, yet at the same time not unlike the one Edward had thrust upon me over two years before. I felt fear in my stomach, and then love, momentarily nauseous, and then I tried hard not to let Jasper feel anything from me. His eyes shone with unshed tears as he looked up at me, smiling, "Bella.....darlin'.....you know how much I love you, treasure you....how much you mean to me. Would you do me the honor of becoming Mrs. Jasper Whitlock?" I stumbled and almost fell off the cliff edge, causing my heart to pound and my skin to pale. Jasper mistook this as he caught me, looking into my eyes for some kind of sign he was mistaken. I simply nodded dumbly, my voice tiny, "Yes." The relief that flooded his face was instant, and then he sniffed the air, "Bells....you need to get home. You're bleeding." I felt my heart race, and Jasper sighed, "I think life will be easier when I can completely resist you darlin'." He grinned, kissing me, and began to run towards home with me in his arms. He hadn't forgotten to slip the ring on my finger though, it was the thought of what I'd just been asked and agreed to that kept me from thinking about the blood trickling in a steady rivulet down my arm.

Carlisle was at the door when we arrived, taking me from Jasper and smiling at him though he spoke firmly, "Jasper, Esme and Emmett are in the kitchen. Rose and I will take care of this." Jasper looked at me, his eyes wide and growing darker, and it was then i realized, he might not have been going to hurt me on purpose, but who knows if the cut had been deeper, or the blood had flowed harder? It made my mind, for a split second, return to the night of my birthday, when I had cut my arm. Jasper had been consumed with his thirst, regardless of what I was sure he was trying to avoid doing. I shivered at the thought, I loved Jasper. If he had bitten me, I would have been okay. Someone, possibly even he himself, would have changed me. Emmett practically had to drag him down the hall, I heard him trying to talk jasper down, "Come on man, she'll be okay. Just...come with me. We've got something for you, it'll help. Carlisle and Rose will take good care of her. Come on....Jasper....JASPER!" Emmett must have given him a particularly firm tug then, Jasper made an "Ooph!" noise as he followed.

In the study, Carlisle sat me on his desk, Rose held the cloth over my arm, smiling even as she wrinkled her nose and looked to be trying not to inhale "Bella....sorry. You smell...kinda nice. "I giggled weakly, "That's okay. Leave it to me to bleed through a house of vampires." She leant down and whispered in my ear, "You know....he would have changed you. He wouldn't have just drained you and left you lying there. He loves you too much Bella." I nodded, hearing another familiar pair of feet coming up the stairs, their owner yelling, "Where is she? What's he done to her this time? Is she still alive? I'll kill him.....I'll kill him if he's touched a hair on her head!! If he's even so much as....." Edward burst into the study, and stopped short in front of me, his hands holding my face between them as Carlisle looked stunned, "Bella! Bella? What did he do to you? Did he try and attack you?" My lip trembled as I stumbled over the word no, I shook my head but it came out more like fear than a negative answer. Alice burst in then, shoving Edward aside and hugging me to her, "Edward, he didn't do anything to her. She fell. She was lucky he carried her back here when he did, she's about to...." I didn't hear the rest, the familiar black swallowed me whole.

When I came to, my arm was stitched up and I was snuggled up in bed. Edward sat on the chair by the door, Jasper sat beside me, the air was thick and intense and I knew they were having some kind of argument in their minds. "Stop....please." I whispered, knowing they'd hear it like a shout. Jasper was the first to break concentration, "Bella! Darlin'....I was so worried. Do you hurt anywhere? Carlisle left some pain...." I shook my head, "No. I'm fine." I glared pointedly at Edward, "If everyone would stop overreacting I'd be even better. Everyone tends to focus on the negative, they're all too quick to forget how clumsy I am." He hung his head, "I'm sorry Love. I was only concerned for you." "No need Edward." I pulled my hand out from under the covers and admired my ring, my vision still a little blurry but I could see enough to know it was the ring I had always dreamed of, literally. It had featured in every wedding dream I'd ever had, even if no man was present. This ring had been destined to be mine, and it was at that moment I wondered just how long Alice had known this was coming. How long she'd known what she and Jasper had, wasn't forever. It made me sad, and Jasper noticed, "Darlin'? Have you changed your mind?" I giggled, "No....nothing like that. I was afraid I'd dreamt it all." From his chair, Edward made a choking sound, "You took her there to propose?" Jasper nodded, "It's a special place for us." Edward looked like he wanted the floor to swallow him up as he spoke, despite following etiquette and making an effort, "Congratulations are in order then, I assume." He eyed me carefully, I simply eyed him back and smiled. "Isn't it beautiful?" I held it out, knowing he would recognize the ring that had featured in so many of my journal entries. True, my drawings had been crude, but they showed enough that there was no doubt. This was one and the same. I was determined to force the friendship, if it killed me. I knew it literally could if I wasn't careful, but I needed Edward to be okay with this. I wasn't sure why, I just felt it was important. He swallowed, and, to his credit, manned up, walking stiffly to the bedside and shaking Jasper's hand, hugging him, "Congratulations, Brother. I wish you both the very best." He leant forward, kissed my cheek, saying nothing. I'd broken him. I knew that. I was prepared for it, and it didn't make me feel as guilty as I should. Instead, it only convinced me further that things would be fine, we would eventually live altogether in a harmonious family, as they had before my arrival. He left us then, just as Rose appeared, "Jasper? I think mom wants you downstairs. I need to talk to Bella a minute." He nodded, disappearing after kissing me.

Rose climbed into bed with me, wrapping her arm across my shoulders, and kissing my head, "Oh little sister. It's just drama after drama isn't it?" I nodded somberly, and she smiled, stroking my hair, "It's okay. They'll repair themselves you know....it's not your fault." She grinned then, "I do have some bad news though." I looked at her, afraid. Had Edward done something stupid? If he had it was all my fault....I couldn't forgive myself. She laughed, "Oh, honey, no. He's sulking with his piano. No, Alice asked me to bring these up for you. She said you'll need them in about an hour, so she wanted you to have a heads up." I looked at her, puzzled, and she put the box in my hands. Ah. Tampax. It was then I noticed the back pain creeping slowly upwards, my stomach ache that was a little more fierce than what i'd assumed was indigestion before. She smiled, "I definitely don't miss that part of being human." I giggled, taking the box and disappearing into the bathroom.

A few days later, Carlisle was looking over my arm, putting new stitches in where I'd accidentally ripped the first open, when he smiled at me, "Isabella, dear, he's happy for you. I know Edward. It might take a while....." I nodded, "I know. Can I look yet?" My eyes were clenched shut, my free hand gripping the desk, my injured hand gripping Carlisle's forearm. He might have been able to numb things to the pain, but I could still feel him poking around, no matter how fast and gentle he was. "Just a few more moments dear. I'm sorry Bella." I shook my head, "Don't be....I need to be less clumsy." Minutes passed in silence, and then he touched my cheek gently, "Bella? You can open now. All finished dear." I opened one eye, then the other, just in time to see Carlisle set fire to the alcohol soaked pads he'd used to clean me up. "Carlisle? How do you manage it? I mean...in the hospital, I guess...there's lots of clinical smells to kinda dull it but....I mean, there isn't a day where I'm not bleeding from some appendage. How do you ignore that, in your own home?" He laughed, "Bella.....dear, it isn't difficult for me. Even Rosalie finds it relatively easy. She was a nurse with me for a while, some time back." I looked surprised, "Rose? No.....really?" He nodded, "She was, a very good nurse actually. The patients loved her." "I'll bet they did, she's beautiful Carlisle." He laughed again, "Bella....she was very friendly, took an interest in all of them." He looked thoughtful, "Only Jasper and Edward have ever eaten human flesh Isabella. It's far more difficult for them than any of us." I sighed, I knew that only too well. As usual, since my period had started, Jasper had hunted every night while i slept, just to keep the temptation at bay for sure.


	7. Plans

Three months passed.

One day when Jasper was out hunting with the boys, Alice cornered me. "Wedding. We need to plan it. Do you want to help?" I giggled, "For my own wedding? I guess I can manage that." She rolled her eyes at me, "Don't be dramatic. That's Edward's thing." I giggled again, and he called from the music room, "You two, I can hear everything you know?" I called back playfully, "Quit eavesdropping then." He laughed, and went back to his music. He was writing something new, maybe several pieces, it was hard to tell. There were bursts of music, followed by quiet, which was when he made his notations, punctuated by a handful of cuss words whispered every now and then.

Alice sat me down at the dining table, where she'd laid out dress catalogues, shoe catalogues and what I guessed to be almost fifty hair style books. "Alice....you know Jasper.. Something simple will be fine." She grinned, "Simple it can be, but you need to look perfect. I've seen remember? I know. It's going to be a wonderful day. My best friend and sister is going to be married!!" She hugged me to her, "Bella....this is the best thing I could think of." I smiled, if it made her that happy, I'd roll with whatever she came up with. My only request was that Jasper wear his uniform. I knew he had it stashed away in his chest, along with his sword, his sash, and his journals from the war. I'd stumbled across it by accident, and had said nothing.

Alice wrinkled her nose, "You really want that ugly old thing.....on such a gorgeous man on your wedding day?" I nodded, "I do. Just....I want it to be a surprise." She smiled, "I can figure it out. Now....about you. What kind of dress do you like? Do you want lace anywhere? And the veil....." She babbled off on her own tangent, when suddenly a dress screamed out to me from a book on the top corner of the table. "Alice! That's the one." I pointed, and she grinned, "Bells....don't get too excited, I might think you're enjoying this." I giggled, and she pulled the picture down to us, "It's pretty. I like it. We just need to do a little......" "NO. Alice, I want it exactly like this. I've seen it before somewhere, I want it." She smiled, "I know you've seen it before. Jasper saw a dress like this once when we were in Seattle, remember? He told you you'd look 'real pretty darlin'', remember?" I smiled vaguely, "No.....maybe....yes! That was the day you forgot to stop for my lunch. Wow. That was.....wow." That had been when Alice and Jasper were still together. "Did you know....even....then?" She seemed unfazed, simply smiling and handing me a picture of a pretty French lace veil, "I was thinking this. Yeah?" I nodded, and then I picked up a hair book. Rosalie appeared then, peering over my shoulder quietly until I turned the page, and then she smiled, pointing, "That one. It'd look so beautiful." I smiled, it was very nice. Rosalie's hand played softly with my hair, "I used to wear my hair like that. My mother would sit curling for hours to get it just so....." Rose looked wistful, and then kissed my cheek, "A wedding! So exciting sister. I can't wait." I smiled as she walked away, and Alice laughed, "She's already planning your shower." "No....Al....no parties. I don't think..." "Nonsense. You have to have one. You know the boys will plan something for Jasper." I looked frightened then, i knew it, I felt my eyebrows frown down, and I bit my lip. Alice simply laughed, "No...nothing will happen to him. They'll just have a good time out in the woods." We sat in silence for two hours, just browsing magazines before I looked up, "Alice....we haven't even set a date, there are no invitations....Charlie...oh god, Charlie!! What am i going to tell Charlie! Ohhh....Charlie....." She smiled, "Is about to call you. Go.....phone's on the kitchen counter."

"Charlie? Hi." "Hi Bells. How are you?" "I'm okay...is everything alright?" He coughed, "Mmm....I was calling to ask you actually. I haven't heard from you for a while and....well...I was wondering something." I sighed, "Charlie...I don't want to move home. Thanks, but No." He laughed, "No.....I just...Jasper came around a few months ago and....well, Bells, we had quite the discussion." I giggled, "You want to know if he asked me? He did, and I said Yes. I just....actually, Charlie, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I guess we've been keeping it quiet." I felt so embarrassed, how had I forgotten to tell my own Father? I was a little proud that Jasper had been to see him, "Wait..Charlie...how did you keep this from me?" "It's pretty easy when you're hardly here Bella. So....I was thinking I'd like to come out and see you." I sighed internally. Edward. Charlie knew he was back, but.....how would they interact? Charlie had made it clear, even after his return that he was on the bottom of the list. "Charlie....it's fine if you want to come out but....just remember, Edward is here." He sighed, "Dammit Bells....I might hate the kid but I can contain myself for one night. He hasn't been locked up yet has he?" I giggled, "Mmm. I guess. Well, did you want to come for dessert and coffee tonight? I know Esme would love the chance to cook for someone other than her family." "If you're sure Bells. I don't want to invite myself." "Charlie, don't. Come out, I miss you." Just then I heard Alice growl, "They would come back just as i get everything spread out. Oh! Bella, hurry and come help me." I giggled, "Charlie, I need to go help Alice with something, but....how about 8? Don't bring anything. Bye Dad."

Alice grinned at me, from the now spotless table, "So....Charlie's coming? We need to...." She looked up then, Esme stood smiling in the doorway, and before I could speak, had begun, "Bella...I'd love to bake something for your father, and I'll brew up some coffee too. Does he have a favorite cake or cookie?" I shrugged, "Esme, I think Charlie would just be grateful to have some home cooked food, I should really visit him more." She nodded, "You should dear, but for now I'll make some extra so he can take it home." I smiled in thanks, and felt cold lips on my neck. "Jasper? Where have you been?" He smelt awful, and he kissed me again before whispering in my ear, "I'm going to shower and change because you don't want to see me like this, but....I might need help getting dressed after?" I blushed then, nodding, feeling him walk away from me. I waited five minutes and then raced up the stairs to find him wrapped in a towel, inspecting a bruise on his shoulder. God he was sexy, his damp hair tousled gently, his muscled body rippling as he reached and stretched. "Wow." He grinned as he turned, "Darlin'...I heard Charlie's coming later." I nodded, "He is. I didn't know you'd been to see him." "Well now, I could hardly go askin' a pretty girl like you to marry me without her Pa's permission now could I?" I blushed again, and he pulled me into his arms, holding me against his almost warm skin. The shower water must have been scalding for him to be this warm, but I enjoyed it while I could. I felt his marble lips on my neck, my shoulder, and then his hands gently removing my shirt as he carried me to the bed, and I let myself go loose in his arms. I was already under his spell as he began to make love to me.


	8. The Visit

A/N: Ok...so this is a cruddy, super short chapter. I'll admit, when i began posting this story, i only had ten pages worth. I still really only have fifteen of good stuff, and most of that is posted here. I'll try and update every second day, but i'm also reluctant to promise anything, because i don't want to just churn out junk when i could have made something better. It's going to get fairly lemony soon, so keep an eye out, and my sincere apologies to those on the "Edward must be hated" bandwagon. I just....the Cullens have been around a long time. Bella's done her grieving, she's moving on. I find it hard to believe they, like any normal family, would find a convenient way to do the same.

* * *

I was nervous, fidgeting as I waited for Charlie. Alice had reported his arrival on the turnoff, that meant ten minutes until he arrived. It felt like forever to go, and I was absentmindedly staring at Edward who was sitting reading in the corner. Momentarily, he looked up, "Bella....if you'd like me to move, simply ask." I blushed then, "I'm sorry, no. Stay there....Charlie will have to accept your presence sooner or later." Jasper appeared then, along with a wave of calm, "Darlin'.....calm down. it's only your father." I nodded, fussing with the dress Alice had put me in. I'd requested jeans, but she'd been so adamant I wear this black dress over tights that I gave in. I had to admit, she'd been nice enough to find me some flats, and I was enjoying my hair being done nicely. I'd had messy sex hair for a week now, I couldn't bear for Charlie to witness that. I sprang from the chair when Jasper and Edward's hearing pricked up, waiting behind the front door as Charlie walked up the steps, and flinging it open with a beaming smile, "Hi Charlie." I hugged him, and he coughed, "Lord Bella....I know it's been a while but....let me breathe." He smiled and shook Jasper's hand, "Son....Where's your father?" Carlisle appeared then, "Chief Swan....it's a pleasure. Esme's been baking." Esme appeared then, setting a plate of cookies and muffins down on the coffee table, along with a tray of coffees and two teas (for Edward and myself) that Emmett handed her. He grinned, "Hey Chief. Rose would say hi but we're off on a hike. Catch ya." He buzzed off into the yard, and then Alice appeared, smiling, "Charlie! Hi! How exciting about Bella's wedding!" Charlie smiled, his chest puffed out proudly, "It sure is Alice honey." I could sense Charlie's anxiety, but when Jasper looked to see if I wanted him to help I gently shook my head. Charlie was looking for Edward. He hadn't moved, as we all came to sit in the living room he stood, placing his book softly down on the side table before offering his hand, "Chief Swan. It's good to see you." Charlie shook his hand, "Edward. Wish I could say the same." I coughed, not expecting that from my father, and apologized to Edward with my eyes. he simply smiled, taking it in good grace, and offered Charlie a plate and a coffee, "I can't say that wasn't deserved. It's good for Bella that you've come to visit though." Charlie accepted with a thin smile, "I've missed her."

It was past midnight when Charlie left, armed with a box of cookies for work and a thermos of coffee to take for his shift, which was due to start in five hours. When he hugged me goodbye, he smiled, "Bells...don't be a stranger okay? Have some pity on your poor old lonely dad." I nodded, thinking to myself it would be hard, Jasper would have to sneak in after I'd gone to bed. Charlie smiled, like he'd known exactly my thoughts, "Jasper is more than welcome to come stay too. I'm not completely behind the times honey, and that double bed of yours always was too big for your tiny self." I blushed and looked at the ground, wishing it would swallow me whole.

I fell asleep leaning against Jasper while he cleaned up the kitchen, not even waking when he carried me to bed, re-dressed me, and tucked me in.


	9. Best Laid Plans

**A/N: I'm SOOO sorry it's such a short chapter. I kind of added this as an afterthought while i was bored the night before Australia day, and I'm still not sure i won't delete it eventually. I have two longer (like much much longer) chapters on their way, I should have them up by tomorrow.

Thanks so much to all my reviewers! And Favorites and Alerts!! The support has been more than i expected it would be for my first attempt at publishing my junky writing. Especially LollyDudette, kelleygirl and JxBAddicted. Teish, you totally rock my sox as far as making me feel better about my writing goes!! :) Go check her out! Shamless plug "teishamarie"!**

EPOV

I heard Charlie's car as Alice did, but i refused to move until i was asked. Something in me made me stubborn, it was my home, my family, and be damned if i would be sent away just to keep him happy.

It was only when i noticed Bella pacing that i began to feel guilty, and offered to move, "Bella.....if you'd like me to move, simply ask." She blushed, and shook her head. I would never get over her beauty, "I'm sorry. No....stay there.....Charlie will have to accept your presence sooner or later." She looked uncertain a second, until Jasper arrived, I could feel the calm rolling from him, "Darlin'....calm down. It's only your father." that riled me. It should be me there, calming her, bursting with pride that I was being allowed to meet Charlie officially as her fiancée. jasper sent me a warning look, but Bella was oblivious. She was too busy fussing with the ridiculous outfit Alice had pushed her into, checking her hair in the reflection of the cabinet nearby.

I turned my head as Jasper did and she leapt from her seat, he was here. I tried to push the venom down in my mouth. I had promised to behave, and so I would have to try. It was so hard! There she was, MY Bella, in HIS arms. Waiting for her father, who had given them his blessing to marry. I had never made it that far. Charlie had made his feelings clear for me, even, at times, calling me Edwin when he knew it was wrong. A thought suddenly dawned on me as I heard them greeting him. This was my chance. If I wanted to win her back, I would show her how considerate I could be. I would try to befriend Charlie. I knew he wouldn't buy it, but what could she do but love me, when I was behaving properly, and he was being his usual silent self? I watched her fuss with her dress, her hair. It should be me there, holding her to me. I should have given her something to wear tonight, perhaps I would get her a gift. Jasper's thoughts were giving nothing away, and i growled almost inaudibly at his ridiculousness. He was intentionally thinking of baseball.

Carlisle and Esme were simply relieved Charlie was being friendly, I felt the guilt of their thoughts about me, right into my heart. They were afraid they would be judged by my own actions. I had let them down. I began to smile, I would show them all. I could redeem myself, it may just take some time. alice's thoughts were nonsensical, as usual. She was already planning their wedding in her head, imagining how Bella would look on Charlie's arm, who would be part of the wedding party, the flowers. My sister was, at times, just a little girl.

As they entered, I could hear as well as see Charlie's anxiety at my presence. His thoughts were wild, angry, it was all he could do to not cross the room in two strides and shoot me in the heart. I smiled to myself, if only he knew! I placed my book down and stepped forward, offering my hand, my most polite "even though i hate you" smile pasted on, "Chief Swan. It's good to see you." Charlie shook my hand, but again, his thoughts were far more viscious than his words, "Edward. Wish i could say the same." He began to recollect images of my Bella. My Bella being carried from the woods by one of the dogs.....Bella in the hospital. Charlie's view from the yard of Bella holed up in her room, eyes dark, skin sallow, looking as though she wished she were dead. She looked at me apologetically, I simply smiled. Jasper glared at me from behind her, my emotions were toying with his own. I refused to believe she had been that bad. Humans were resilient, they bounced back from worse things daily.

Not to mind, I smiled and offered Charlie a coffee and a plate of baking, "I can't say that wasn't deserved" Two can play at that game Charlie Swan, i thought wickedly to myself, "It's good for Bella you've come to visit though." Charlie's thoughts were erratic now, curious and yet at the same time uncaring, "I've missed her". I sat for long enough to fake sipping my coffee before excusing myself into the kitchen, Charlie's thoughts were getting harder to drown out as he took to staring at me. It was as if he knew he was causing me discomfort. I would go hunting, think through my plan. I could win this competition yet, i simply had to find the weak link and play my best hand. It was difficult not to rip his throat out when i heard him speak to Bella as he left at midnight, "Jasper is more than welcome to stay too. I'm not completely behind the times honey, and that double bed of yours always was too big for your tiny self". That Bastard! We'd had enough of a struggle convincing Charlie to let me be in his home, let alone allowed into the sacred room the was Bella's. I ran from the kitchen, slamming the screen door so hard the "Bang!" rang out around me, even in the woods. I would find a way to show them all, and win My Bella back.


	10. Recharging

****A/N: Ok, i'm still not 100% with this chapter, but i promise i'll make it obvious if i update it in the next few days. Longest chapter to date, even longer one is on its way (and more lemony goodness lol), this was just painting a little background-ish info. Hope you guys can bear with me! ****

**Two weeks later, Alice grabbed me by the hand, "Come inside." She looked at the boys playing football in the yard, "They'll be another two hours, it'll finish when Jasper shoves Emmett into that rock." I giggled, watching her point outside to where, indeed, there was a large rock near where the boys were playing. I followed her up to the bedroom, and she sat me on the bed with a box marked RUSH. "These arrived this morning." I took one of the ten cards out carefully and smiled. They were invitations, printed on the blue I'd had pinned to my notice board since I was five, having declared, "This is the color of my wedding." Even after deciding I might not ever get married, I'd still left it up there, a tribute to my naive days. "Alice? How did you get hold of......oh, Charlie." She nodded, "I didn't make a lot, I figured you'd prefer something small." She looked uncomfortable, "Actually....Charlie begged me to make it small. For you." I smiled, my father knew me well. I hugged her to me, my eyes filling with tears, "Alice....thank you. I'm so lucky to have you." I sighed, "Alice....how can I invite humans to my wedding? I really only want Charlie here anyway." Alice smiled, "You need to invite Renee and Phil. You need to invite Jacob...." She barely hid the wrinkle in her nose as she thought of my friend, the werewolf. I hadn't spoken to him in weeks, he would flip when he found out Edward was back. "And I thought that even though we know we're invited, you could send us all one. Something to keep. A memento." The tears flowed freely now, and it was mere seconds until Jasper had burst through the bedroom door, "Bella? Is everything alright? Are you hurt?" I giggled, kissing him, accepting the handkerchief he gave me, "I'm okay. Just....being a girl." "Okay darlin'.....just as long as Alice here isn't makin' you sad." I smiled, "No....really. Go, have fun with Emmett." He nodded, back outside in a flash. "I thought you said they'd stay out there until the rock?" Alice shrugged, "That was before you went all leaky pipes on me. Now, listen. Will you take a look at this list of invites so i can ask Carlisle to address them?" "Carlisle? You don't want to do it yourself?" "Bella....Carlisle has beautiful handwriting. Mine is.....well, it's neat and everything but...This is your wedding. it needs to be perfect." I rolled my eyes internally, Way to add the pressure Alice. Thanks. **

**We spent the day talking and being silly together, I fell asleep on our bed at some point and woke to see Jasper silently staring. I opened one eye fully, "Mmmmm?" He smiled, gracefully laying over me as he kissed me, "Good Evening darlin'. If you're hungry, I fixed you some food in the kitchen. Nothin' grand mind you....but good, stomach filling favorites." I giggled, "Jasper....ok. But.....only if you promise to go hunting while i eat. I don't want you to leave me later." He pulled me into a hug as he stood up, "Already taken care of. Ain't nothin' else i need to do darlin', besides watch you eat human food and then ravish you later." I giggled, and a tiny yawn escaped. My hands flew to my mouth and he kissed my forehead, "Or I could settle for just laying with you. Maybe i'm not lettin' you get enough rest." I smiled and followed him to the kitchen, sitting in front of an overflowing plate of french toast, scrambled eggs and a side salad. Leave it to jasper to come up with an eclectic dinner selection. **

**That night I lay in his arms as i drifted off to sleep, peaceful, content. **

**JPOV**

**I had almost managed to get myself into a meditative kind of state when she began to buck like a bull in the bed beside me. It took every ounce of my strength to get her to begin to calm down, I had to slap her to wake her, which hurt me more than I think it did her. "Bella....Bella listen to me. everything is fine. I'm here darlin'....nothin' can hurt you.....Darlin'.....shhh.....shhh.....Bella wake up." Her eyes opened slowly, and she clung to me like a baby monkey. Her face was buried in my shirt, her breath hot and fast as she sobbed into it. I let her cry a few minutes before i pulled her gently back, "Bella? darlin'? What was it? It was just a dream darlin'....everything's fine, you're safe here." She nodded, but her voice told a different story, and the fear still rolling off her like a storm gave her away, "Jasper!....I....there was......saw.....bed.....Oh!" Her face was buried in my chest again, and then Edward appeared through our door, "Is everything okay in here?" Bella let out a high pitched scream, trying to push herself even closer into my body, and I waved him away, sending him angry thoughts, "What the hell'd you go do that for you idiot? Scare the hell out of her for what? Get lost." He slunk back to his room, angry. "Shhh......Bella.....it was only Edward come to see if everything was alright." I didn't add that the others had all come closer to our room, but not entered. I whispered too low for her to hear that they should go back to bed as well. They'd all hear what she told me about her nightmare anyway. "Bella....please. Calm down darlin'.....tell me what happened." She took a breath, her voice was still wavering and her breath heavy, trying to catch up, "I saw him....at the end of the bed. He was there, just watching........I couldn't find you, you were somewhere.....not here....Jasper....he was going to hurt me." I kissed her, "Who? Who was going to hurt you darlin'?" She shook her head, mouthing only the word, "Edward." I looked at her stunned, "In your dream?" She nodded, "He was looking at me like I was........his." I growled, I couldn't help it, and she pushed her head back into the crook of my neck, "Jasper....it was horrible. When i ran away from him, nobody else was here. The house was dark, like you'd been gone a long time." I hugged her tightly, "Shhh.....Darlin'. Edward wouldn't do that to you, he wouldn't hurt you sweetheart. Try and calm down.......I'm here. I won't let go" After an hour i felt her begin to fall asleep, to relax, but my mind was working overtime. What would make her dream something like that? She was trying to repair their friendship, why would she think he posed a threat? What was my no good brother up to? I was careful to intersperse my thoughts with random useless facts to throw him, I was sure he'd be "listening" intently. She'd been so afraid, if I'd had a beating heart, even I would have felt it to my core.**

**BPOV**

**Jasper was incredibly clingy the next day, and Edward seemed to be avoiding me. My dream had been so real it had terrified me, but I wasn't sure what it meant. Was I really afraid of my ex-boyfriend, who I'd been trying to repair a friendship with? Surely not. It made no sense. I put it down to being overtired, and at lunchtime i pulled Jasper aside, "Jas....you don't have to watch me every waking moment. It's okay. I just had a nightmare." "Darlin'....it wasn't any old nightmare. You were terrified of Edward." I nodded, "I know but....it was a dream. I'm alright now." He kissed me, wrapping me in his arms, "I love you darlin'....I don't ever want you to feel so afraid like that." I grinned, "Well....when you change me, you won't have to worry anymore. I won't be able to sleep!" I giggled, kissing him passionately until Emmett loomed over us, "Eeeew. God you guys, get a room." I giggled even harder, and he picked me up, throwing me over his shoulder, "I need to borrow you. Rosie has a surprise. You need to go with her." Jasper seemed reluctant, but Emmett patted his shoulder, "Man....Rose won't let anything happen to her. Promise." I kissed Jasper from where i was over Emmett's shoulder, and smiled, "I have my cell. Rose has hers. I'm sure we won't be all that long. I love you." "I love you too darlin'. Be safe."**

**Rose sped along the freeway to Seattle, where a chance rainy, cloudy grey day meant she could wander the streets with me freely. It had been a long missed treat, since Rose and i had become firm friends, we had done it once a week for a long time. Just, time out. Space, to breathe, think, I wasn't required to speak and neither was she. Plenty of healing, for me, happened during the silence. The talks in the car on the way there and back helped too, they brought me back from the evil black hole I'd let myself drown in. Rosalie tossed me my jacket and then locked the car, linking her arm through mine and giggling at the slack jawed men eyeing her as we walked to the entrance of the department store. She leant down, whispered to me, "Thank God Em's not here. Can you imagine the carnage?" I giggled, my hand fluttering to my mouth and my feet stumbling on the curb. Rose laughed as she righted me, "Now that, I'm pretty sure even Jasper would have laughed at." I nodded, giggling as we descended on the lingerie section. For my wedding i wanted something specific, and I was pretty sure we'd be able to find it here.**

**Rose and I spent the day sharing jokes, sharing change rooms, and, to my surprise, sharing outfits. At the last store we passed through, we both fell in love with the same pair of jeans and a jacket. I was filled with a sense of belonging, and pride when Rose informed the bitchy unhelpful sales assistant that there would be no need to order a second of anything, she would be sharing with her little sister.**

**The silence that had begun on the walk back to the car was broken the second we hit the freeway, I noticed Rosalie had begun to drive at human speed, something she never did. "Hey....Bell? what was going on last night? I thought someone was trying to kill you? It was really scary." I sighed, if Rose was bringing it up, it had obviously been as bad as I'd feared. I didn't remember the screaming or the fighting in my sleep, simply the waking up and the dream, but I was smart enough to figure out I hadn't caused Jasper's alarm with nothing. "It was just a nightmare...." "Don't bullshit me sister. It was way worse than any fucking nightmare you had before he was back." I nodded, feeling my body tense as i began to think back on my dream, "I was just laying in bed....in my dream, when I woke Rose.....Edward was just standing, staring." "Staring? What, like.....he was checking on you?" I shook my head, my eyes filling with tears, even as i tried to keep my voice strong. I was still embarrassed to cry in front of Rosalie, even now, after everything she'd sat through. "No Rose. He was.....he was trying to....I dunno. It felt like he was trying to...own me. He began to climb into the bed, no matter where I ran in the house, nobody was there. None of you.....nobody was there to help me, and he just kept chasing me.....trying to catch me...trying to......to...." My breath hitched and a sob came out, Rose's hand reaching for my own, her voice softer, "Isabella....come on. It was just a dream. We'd never let anyone, or anything hurt you. Even....Dickward." I giggled then, and she smiled, "Bell, listen.....has he ever....hurt you before? Do you....have reason to think he might?" She was trying to keep it light but I knew what she was doing. "Rose....in all honesty? I don't know. I mean....you know he was incredibly possessive, so controlling.....but I had to...I have to...believe he never intentionally meant me harm. She nodded, "Then I'm sure everything is fine and it was just a stupid bad dream. Maybe we should go on a girls retreat soon....hmmm....There's always that spa that Alice took us to in '99....no, they're probably awful now...maybe New York.....or....Alaska......no, not there. I know!" She slammed the steering wheel, and grinned, "We're going to the island." "Esme's?" She giggled, "No stupid. THE Island. It's not far from us, we own it, but there's not a lot out there. A cabin, basic supplies. We'd need to take probably everything but.....that's where we should go." I nodded, wiping my face and closing my eyes. I was so sleepy, and I wanted to be awake enough that night to spend some time with Jasper. It had been a long time since we'd done any of "our" rituals either.**

**Jasper was already waiting for me when we pulled into the garage, leaning sexily up against the doorframe, his t-shirt just the right kind of tight, his wranglers painted on. He dropped his cigarette and scrubbed it out with his boot heel before sauntering to my side of the car, where I was presently having a heart attack because of all the sexy thoughts running through my brain. Rose flicked my arm, "Gross guys. Get a room." I let him sweep me into his arms and onto his back, when I opened my eyes again, we were on the roof, a blanket already spread out along with some jackets. "I figured we could watch the sky....we haven't done it in a while darlin'." I nodded, smiling, reaching on my tip toes to kiss him, "I know....I was thinking about that on the way home." We lay in the dark, watching stars and talking about nothing and everything. It was long overdue, and it gave me the peace my nightmare had taken from me.**


	11. Clumsy Mistake

A/N: Thanks again for reviews. Some of this chapter is a bit of fluff....mixed with some good old fashioned drama. The lemon i had planned went out the window when i came home with two folders of work to do before eleven, so i settled for editing and adding a few paragraphs. Woo! Longest Chapter Yet! Possibly another one in a few hours, or early in the morning. xx BMJ Love you all! (ps: 520 visits!! for my first story, and only a week old, YAY!!)

BPOV

Laying on the roof was amazing, a tradition long overdue, and when I was woken gently by Jasper carrying me to bed, his lips soft and loving on my forehead as he slipped me, naked, between the sheets. "Jasper?" I whispered, barely audible in the cool room, "Yes darlin'?" His voice was moving, i could vaguely make out his shape dropping his clothes on the chair by his side of the bed, then I felt him climb in beside me, "I want you." "I love you too darlin'." I giggled sleepily, "No.....well, I do but....I _want_ you. Like....inside me." He laughed, a husky, throaty laugh and was on top of me in seconds, "You don't need to ask twice sugar." I giggled again, my sound silenced by his tender lips as they enveloped mine. This was going to be another night that left me yawning the next day, and I was perfectly fine with it.

Somewhere between Jasper's cool lips making their way from my lips, down my neck and over my breasts, a door slammed downstairs. Sometime after my third orgasm, Alice's shrill giggle filled the hall outside our room, "Stop it Jazz. You're tormenting him." She giggled again, "Enjoy yourselves." I flushed from head to toe with embarrassment, and looked at Jasper, "Tormenting who?" Jasper looked cheeky, "My brother. I guess I lost control over my thoughts back there when you were blowin' my mind darlin'." I giggled, blushing even darker, grateful for the dark of our unlit room. The giggles soon turned to moans as his lazy fingers trailed over my thighs, two gently slipping inside me as he buried his face in my hair, breathing me in, "Everything about you is exquisite darlin'......." The sun was coming up by the time we'd finished, I was wrapped in Jasper's shirt and we were sitting on the bay window seat, watching. I leant back into the hollow of his neck, "Jas?" "Yeah?" "I love you." He kissed me, "I love you too darlin'." I smiled, "Just as I was about to speak, Alice knocked and the burst into our room, "Already on it. Two days Bella, just give me two days. Please." I nodded, after she left Jasper looked puzzled, "What was....that?" "I was about to tell you I want to get married like...now. Would that be okay?" He laughed then, and pulled me in tighter, lifting me up and carrying me to bed, "Bella....I would marry you this second if we could. Go to sleep and I'll try and help Alice with what I can." I was asleep, dreaming of meeting him at the altar before he was out of the room.

EPOV

Damn him! Couldn't he keep his filthy thoughts to himself? It was bad enough having to listen to them....go at it all night, no matter where i ran in the woods it wasn't far enough. The way he spoke to her, that tender, disgustingly mushy voice. HER voice, rough and husky and dripping with sex and desire.....Ugh! If I was still human, I'd still be throwing up now. At least Alice had the nicety to block her thoughts from me. I'd gotten nothing but the damn circus tune from her for hours now, and it showed no signs of going away. Even Jasper seemed to be thinking of other things when I came back to the house, for some reason he was just thinking over and over about the motorbike he'd seen in a dealership, and taking Bella for a ride on it.

I hesitated to think about what he'd do with her when they stopped somewhere. It only made my plan more important, I closed myself up in the music room, pretending to play but really letting my thoughts swirl, there were so many options.

If only I could get her on her own.....I could tell her what a monster he really was. That would at least plant the seed of doubt.

My ears pricked up as I heard her wish him well as he left to hunt with Emmett and Carlisle was at work, effectively leaving us alone in the house. Alice and Rose were off planning something and Esme....I had no idea where Esme was, but she wasn't anywhere I could detect. Perhaps there was a god.

I called to her, "Isabella? Is that you out there?" as she walked past the door, she stopped, sighed, and walked back. I smiled innocently as she came into the room, and I took in her beauty as I spoke, "Bella....I'm very sorry if I frightened you the other night. I was just so worried for you, you were screaming.....I was....afraid Jasper might have hurt you." She blushed, shook her head. "No....Edward....Jasper will never hurt me." She didn't have to add the words although I knew she wanted to, I could hear them anyway in my head, "Not like you." I winced a little, began to play her piece, and she made to leave. I stopped, "Bella! Don't....I'll stop playing." "Just...not that okay? You can play, but not that." Her voice was firm, angry almost, and I felt rebuked. I started playing something quiet, background noise, and waited until it seemed she had relaxed before I bought up my "Plan", "Bella....I really was worried. Jasper wasn't always....how he is." She nodded, absentmindedly biting her lip and twisting a piece of hair, "Bella....he used to kill. All day every day. He had no remorse, no guilt......he was a brutal killing machine." She nodded, "The God of War. I know." That stunned me. She hadn't met Peter, and I knew none of the rest of us had mentioned that nickname. "How do you.....?" She smiled, wistfully, "We've talked about it Edward." "In short perhaps but you need to kn..." She cut me off by standing, angrily pushing my sheet music to the floor in front of me to show her contempt, "At length. I know everything Edward. Every last person he killed, every last newborn he created and killed...." She drew breath, her voice steely and determined to hurt, "Every woman he Fucked.....I know it all Edward, and it still doesn't make him worse than you in my eyes. Trying to make me have second thoughts is low....lower than I thought even you would stoop." I was hurt, cut to the quick, but i still called after her, "Isabella...please. I didn't mean...." In response to my feeble attempts she slammed the front door, I heard the engine roar and Carlisle's car speed down the road. Fabulous. The best plan I had was now run into the ground, and I had nobody to blame but myself.

BPOV

I didn't care where I went, as I sped down the road away from the Cullen's. I was furious, and I knew from years of Charlie's lectures that it was the worst time to get into a car, but I had to get out. If I'd stayed there a minute longer with Edward, I would have killed him. Ripped him limb from limb and set him alight so that when the others returned there was nothing left but ash and smoke. I put the window down, my hair whipping around my face in the cool breeze, I flicked the radio on and cranked it loud to a noisy rock station. I watched the needle climb past forty, fifty, felt a shock of delight ripple through me as I hit sixty, tinged with a little fear in the pit of my stomach as I reached seventy and stayed there. I took bends quicker than I knew I should, and almost lost it coming through an intersection when red and blue lights flashed behind me and the siren began to wail. Shit. Shit Shit Shit!! Just my luck that one of Charlie's little lackeys would pull me up. I was almost there too....almost at the station, which I'd decided would be the best place to calm down. Charlie would tell me some story about fishing and I'd zone out. I pulled to the side, turned the car off and reached for my wallet. Shit Shit! My wallet, I could see clearly in my mind, sat on the kitchen table, right where I'd left it the day before. I sighed, throwing my head back against the headrest, and knowing as I did so that I'd managed to catch my temple on the seatbelt holder. I felt the trickle of blood before I smelt the tangy scent, and sighed, whispering "Fuck" into the safe space of the car. If only I'd looked in the mirror.

"Good afternoon Carlis.....Bells? Get the hell out of the damn car right this minute you hear me?" I sighed, this could only get better for me. It would be the one day Charlie caught me doing the one thing I promised I'd never do, Speed. I got out, hanging my head sheepishly, "Look at me Isabella." I knew I was in trouble, he never, ever used my full name. I straightened up, starting to speak, "Charlie...I....I....I'm sorry." "Damn right you are young lady. Driving like that...on these roads....in a car you don't really know. What the hell were you thinking Bells?" I pushed my hair back off my face as I looked at him, "Charlie...I....I'm really sorry. I don't really know why I...." He was coming towards me, his hand going to my head, "Are you bleeding? Bella....did something happen at the Cullens?" I shook my head, "No. Well...yes but, not that. That happened when I realized I was being pulled over." He looked at me, "What do you mean, No but yes?" I sighed, shrugging, "Charlie.....it's not important." "Did Edward do something?" I couldn't help the smile that came to my lips. Of course my dad would think it was Edward. Jasper could do no wrong. "We just had an argument. He was being a di....stupid." "Alright Bells. You know I'm going to have too give you a caution, where's your license?" I died, right there. "Uhh.....it's on the kitchen table?" "Isabella! You speed and you leave your license at home. Get in the cruiser." "I can't leave Carlisle's car here....." "It'll be fine until I can get someone to pick it up. Get in the cruiser." I sighed, nodding, locking the car and handing Charlie the keys as I slunk back to the cruiser and sat inside.

Charlie handed me his handkerchief, "Here. Put this on your head. Bells, you're a mess." He was probably right. Between the blood, and the blotches I surely had all over my face from unshed tears, I was sure i wasn't winning any beauty contests. We rode in silence, my alarm levels rising when we went straight past the Police Station, and turned into the Hospital Car Park. This day could not get any worse.

Charlie hauled me into the Emergency room, where Carlisle stood writing on a chart beside a sleeping patient. He looked up, "Bella...What a nice.....Charlie." His face showed no change but his voice said he was concerned that my father was virtually shoving me onto the exam table in the corner. "Dad I think...." He glared at me, "Sit." Carlisle joined us, pulling the curtain around the cubicle, "Charlie?" His tone was demanding, almost as if he wasn't pleased with him. Charlie looked rebuffed, "Carlisle...She hit her head in your car." "Bella how did you do that? My car doesn't have any.....well, anything you could cut yourself on." I blushed, and Charlie continued, "She did it, I can only assume, when she flung her head back when I pulled her over." "You had to pull Bella over Chief?" "I did. Carlisle....she was doing seventy in a forty mile area, in your car. I'm going to wait outside while you two talk and you get Bella stitched up." He eyed me,, "Bells, I'll talk to you on the way home."

I sat in silence as he left, and then Carlisle grinned a little, speaking softly, "Is it terribly wrong that part of me is proud my daughter can drive like that and she's a human?" I giggled, wincing as I moved my brow, "It's not made any better by the fact I left my license at the house. And then this....." I gestured to my head as he dabbed it with gauze and alcohol, "Well...Bella, you've done a good job but nothing major. I think a few butterfly band aids and you'll be fine. Just....maybe, don't speed until _after_." I smiled, "Yeah...I get it. And I'm sorry I took your car, it was the only one that had keys inside." "Isabella, what's ours is yours. Any of my children is welcome to my car." He looked concerned, "Where's Jasper? Why were you speeding?" I sighed, "Long story. Jas is hunting with Em....and....as for the speeding, I was angry. I had to get away from Edw...the house." "Edward gave you a hard time?" I began to cry then, Carlisle's face falling, "Bella.....did he hurt you? Did you really hit your head in the car?" I nodded, he sat softly beside me on the table, "Bella......" "He didn't hurt me, but i did hit my head in the car. He just.....he said some mean things Carlisle. They upset me." I began to cry again, and he put his arm around my shoulders. "Isabella....dear. I think perhaps it would be best if Edward left us, at least until after the wedding, and your change." I shook my head, "No...I think it will make him worse. But I do think I'm finished trying to be friends for now. I can't take the crap." My hand flew to my mouth, "Sorry." Carlisle smiled, laughing, "It's fine dear. Edward can be quite...theatrical at times. I also owe you an apology. I hadn't realized he was being as wicked as he has been." I shrugged, "Not like I shouldn't have seen it coming." Carlisle smiled, patting my leg as he stood, pulling the curtain aside and putting on a frown for Charlie's benefit, "I trust that this won't happen again young lady, we'll have a longer discussion about this with Esme when I get home." I nodded, blushing in shame for real, because even though Carlisle was doing it for Charlie's benefit, I felt there was probably a part of him that was disappointed.


	12. Coming Home

A/N: Okay, another not so long chapter, but you got two in one day so Shh! Or i'll cut Charlie loose on all your a**es.

Shout out to LollyDudette, who's fun reviews make me giggle, and kind of convince me maybe i'm not writing complete S*it just now. I have a workshop for College tomorrow, so unless i happen to be near a McDonald's and get free wireless to upload the next chapter, you'll have to wait an extra day for it. :) xx Love you all!!

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Charlie was silent all the way home, from the car to the door and into the living room. He was silent while he went upstairs and changed, he was silent as he went to the fridge and got out a beer. It was when he sat in his chair, that he let loose. "Christ almighty Isabella. I thought we were done with all the reckless shit." I was stunned, unable to speak. He glared at me from where he sat, "Well?" I stammered, words not coming coherently, "I just...it wasn't....i mean....." I felt the tears prick my eyes, and looked at the ground. When i looked up again, Charlie was coming to sit beside, me, hugging me, his own eyes misty and his voice thick, "Bells...goddamit. I can't do that again. I can't lie awake wondering all night if the next day is the day i get the phone call. Bella.....you can't do that to me honey." I let the tears fall, eventually, Charlie spoke quietly, "I want you to come home until he leaves Bells." "Dad...no. It's fine, really. Carlisle said he's asking him to go when he gets home." "Not good enough Bells. I want you to come stay here." There was an interrupting knock at the door, Charlie answered it, leaving me sitting on the sofa in silence. Jasper forgot about Charlie, luckily he'd gone to get another beer for jasper, who was rushing to my side at breakneck speed, "Did he do this to you? Bella?" His voice was angry, and I shook my head, "No. He was just being nasty. I did this to me. I hit my head in Carlisle's car." Jasper pulled me onto his lap, "Did you have an accident Darlin'? I shouldn't have gone anywhere with Em today. I should have stayed home darlin'." I shook my head, "No....no i didn't...I just..." Charlie came back then, as he handed the beer to Jasper his voice was firm, "She just got caught speeding on the town road. Seventy miles Jasper!" Jasper's eyes told me he, like Carlisle saw a little bit of excitement in the fact, but he played it down, "Bella, darlin'....what were you thinkin'? You might been killed! How did you cut yourself?" "I hit my head in the car when i was.....sulking." Jasper shook his head, and then Charlie spoke up from his chair, "Jasper, i was just telling Bells i want her to come stay until your idiot brother takes off." Before i could speak, Jasper was nodding, "Absolutely Chief. I'll go get some of her things and bring them back." I was ready to jump up and down to get them to listen to me say i would be fine when Charlie said something that floored me, "Son, you might as well go ahead and bring some of your own things back too. I can't imagine Bella will be happy otherwise, and you're more than welcome." He wasn't facing us, true, he was staring at something on the tv, but the sentiment was there. Jasper coughed, embarrassed, "Thank-you Chief Swan. I'll....be back soon Bella. Stay with your father until then okay?" I nodded, yawning. I was sleepy. "Okay, i think i'm going to go to bed for a while anyway." Jasper whispered in my ear as he left, "You lock that bedroom window of yours and sleep with the door open okay? No risks." I half nodded as he kissed me, and he stopped short, holding my chin in his hand and looking me dead in the eye, "I mean it Isabella. I won't let you be taken from me like that." I hugged him to me, hard, and nodded against his chest. He kissed me then, and left, Charlie calling from the other room, "Bells? You want me to make you something?" I sighed, "No thanks dad. I'm just gonna go lay down upstairs a while." "Okay honey. I'm here if you need." Trudging up the stairs, I went and locked my window, going so far as to close the curtains. It wasn't like Jasper would be coming through my window, Charlie had all but given him the keys. I lay down, pulling my blanket across me, and was out for the count before I had even kicked my shoes off.

JPOV

I was furious. Furious probably didn't even begin to cover it, if I wasn't afraid Bella would leave me over it, I would have torn Edward to pieces. As it was, he wasn't home when I arrived, Alice seemed to be the only one there, and she met me at the door with Bella's bag and my own, "Hey. Everything you could possibly need is in here." I smiled, sighing, running my hand through my hair, "Alice.....what did he do to her?" "Do Jazzy? Nothing. They just talked at the piano.....and she left, in a state. We couldn't get back fast enough, and it didn't look serious." She dropped the smile, "Which...now I know was wrong. Jasper, she's going to be very cautious after this. I think it's good you're getting married in two more days, she'll have that to keep her busy, and then the honeymoon." "Honeymoon? Alice....I don't want to take her somewhere i can't keep her safe." Alice giggled, pushing me back towards the car, "Bella is always safe with you silly, and I never said you were going alone. Now go, get back to her. Charlie's going to try and have some kind of deep and meaningful talk with her if you don't show up soon. Save her from that at least." I smiled, nodding, "Thanks Alice." "Anytime Jazzy. That's what I'm here for." As I drove back to Bella's, I wondered at the extra spring in Alice's step lately. If I didn't know better, I'd have suspected she had a new man in her life, but it wasn't my place to ask. She'd come out with the information soon enough anyway. For now, all I really needed to concentrate on was keeping Bella and Edward apart, for her safety as well as her sanity.

BPOV

When I woke and sleepily wandered to the living room, Jasper was watching baseball while Charlie dozed in his chair, "Hey darlin'.....did you get some sleep?" I nodded, climbing onto his lap and laying my head on his shoulder. "Alice packed you some things sugar, I put your things and my bag in the closet up there." I nodded again, "Jasper? Will he leave us alone now?" Jasper laughed softly so as not to wake Charlie, "Darlin'.....i think that boy will be forever tryin' to get in the way. It's just a matter of us bein' strong enough to ignore him." I giggled, "True." Jasper kissed me then, "Now...what do you say darlin', we order some take out for you and Charlie and I'll go get some take out of my own?" I nodded, following him to the kitchen and the drawer full of delivery menus.

It was the strangest thing going to bed that night with Jasper in my room, and not having to sneak him in. Charlie even stayed quiet when I shut the door, simply calling Good Night to us on his own way to bed. I lay there, enjoying the wonder of it when Jasper hugged me to him, "I love you darlin'. I'm sorry he was cruel today." I smiled, "It's okay Jasper. It didn't take me long to figure what he was up to." "But it made you hurt enough to go do somethin' reckless sugar. I can't lose you darlin'.....you're all I have." I smiled in the dark, unprepared for the next question, "What did he say to you? And don't lie cause you know I'll catch you." I sighed, "He tried to tell me about the Southern Wars." "What about them?" "About you and.....what you told me. The God of War stuff...." I waited, to see if he was mad, but all I got was a low growl, and then, "And what did you say?" "I said I already knew and I didn't care. Because I don't. That was old Jasper. Newly reformed Jasper is far nicer. Besides, old Jasper would never have been able to enjoy this in silence without causing some kind of uproar." I slid my hand into his boxers, wrapping my slender fingers around his huge shaft, and began to stroke him, gently at first, and then harder and longer as i felt his cool breath on my neck, his lips gently kissing, "Isabella Marie Swan, you'll be the death of me." I giggled, looking him in the eye, "Maybe....but


	13. Bells 2nd edit

***A/N: Yes, long time between updates this time, apologies. I have two more chapters on their way, the next should be up later tonight, another tomorrow afternoon. I'm also trying to write applications for a new job, so bear with me. :) This is kind of a bit of fluff, (even though there's some resolution), so don't be too mean in your reviews. I've put it out there. **

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**Charlie was silent all the way home, from the car to the door and into the living room. He was silent while he went upstairs and changed, he was silent as he went to the fridge and got out a beer. It was when he sat in his chair, that he let loose. "Christ almighty Isabella. I thought we were done with all the reckless shit."**

**I was stunned, unable to speak. He glared at me from where he sat, "Well?" I stammered, words not coming coherently, "I just...it wasn't....I mean....." I felt the tears prick my eyes, and looked at the ground. When I looked up again, Charlie was coming to sit beside, me, hugging me, his own eyes misty and his voice thick, "Bells...goddammit. I can't do that again. I can't lie awake wondering all night if the next day is the day I get the phone call. Bella.....you can't do that to me honey." I let the tears fall, eventually, Charlie spoke quietly, "I want you to come home until he leaves Bells."**

**Inside, I was in turmoil, "Dad...no. It's fine, really. Carlisle said he's asking him to go when he gets home." "Not good enough Bells. I want you to come stay here." There was an interrupting knock at the door, Charlie answered it, leaving me sitting on the sofa in silence. **

**Jasper forgot about Charlie as he came into the living room; luckily he'd gone to get another beer for Jasper, who was rushing to my side at breakneck speed, "Did he do this to you? Bella?" His voice was angry, and I shook my head, "No. He was just being nasty. I did this to me. I hit my head in Carlisle's car." Jasper pulled me onto his lap, "Did you have an accident Darlin'? I shouldn't have gone anywhere with Em today. I should have stayed home darlin'." I shook my head, "No....no I didn't...I just..." **

**Charlie came back then, as he handed the beer to Jasper his voice was firm, "She just got caught speeding on the town road. Seventy miles Jasper!" Jasper's eyes told me he, like Carlisle, saw a little bit of excitement in the fact, but he played it down, "Bella, darlin'....what were you thinkin'? You might been killed! How did you cut yourself?" "I hit my head in the car when I was.....sulking." Jasper shook his head, and then Charlie spoke up from his chair, "Jasper, I was just telling Bells I want her to come stay until your idiot brother takes off." Before I could speak, Jasper was nodding in agreeance, "Absolutely Chief. I'll go get some of her things and bring them back." I was ready to jump up and down to get them to listen to me say I would be fine when Charlie said something that floored me, "Son, you might as well go ahead and bring some of your own things back too. I can't imagine Bella will be happy otherwise, and you're more than welcome." He wasn't facing us, true, he was staring at something on the tv, but the sentiment was there. **

**Jasper coughed, embarrassed, "Thank-you Chief Swan. I'll....be back soon Bella. Stay with your father until then okay?" I nodded, yawning. I was sleepy. "Okay, I think I'm going to go to bed for a while anyway." Jasper whispered in my ear as he left, "You lock that bedroom window of yours and sleep with the door open okay? No risks." I half nodded as he kissed me, and he stopped short, holding my chin in his hand and looking me dead in the eye, "I mean it Isabella. I won't let you be taken from me like that." I hugged him to me, hard, and nodded against his chest. He kissed me then, and left, Charlie calling from the other room, "Bells? You want me to make you something?" I sighed, "No thanks dad. I'm just gonna go lay down upstairs a while." "Okay honey. I'm here if you need." **

**Trudging up the stairs, I went and locked my window, going so far as to close the curtains. It wasn't like Jasper would be coming through my window, Charlie had all but given him the keys. I lay down, pulling my blanket across me, and was out for the count before I had even kicked my shoes off.**

**JPOV**

**I was furious. Furious probably didn't even begin to cover it, if I wasn't afraid Bella would leave me over it, I would have torn Edward to pieces. As it was, he wasn't home when I arrived, Alice seemed to be the only one there, and she met me at the door with Bella's bag and my own, "Hey. Everything you could possibly need is in here." I smiled, sighing, running my hand through my hair, "Alice.....what did he do to her?" "Do Jazzy? Nothing. They just talked at the piano.....and she left, in a state. We couldn't get back fast enough, and it didn't look serious."**

**She dropped the smile, "Which...now I know was wrong. Jasper, she's going to be very cautious after this. I think it's good you're getting married in two more days, she'll have that to keep her busy, and then the honeymoon." "Honeymoon? Alice....I don't want to take her somewhere I can't keep her safe." **

**Alice giggled, pushing me back towards the car, "Bella is always safe with you silly, and I never said you were going alone. Now go, get back to her. Charlie's going to try and have some kind of deep and meaningful talk with her if you don't show up soon. Save her from that at least." I smiled, nodding, "Thanks Alice." "Anytime Jazzy. That's what I'm here for." **

**As I drove back to Bella's, I wondered at the extra spring in Alice's step lately. If I didn't know better, I'd have suspected she had a new man in her life, but it wasn't my place to ask. She'd come out with the information soon enough anyway. For now, all I really needed to concentrate on was keeping Bella and Edward apart, for her safety as well as her sanity.**

**BPOV**

**When I woke and sleepily wandered to the living room, Jasper was watching baseball while Charlie dozed in his chair, "Hey darlin'.....did you get some sleep?" I nodded, climbing onto his lap and laying my head on his shoulder. "Alice packed you some things sugar, I put your things and my bag in the closet up there." I nodded again, "Jasper? Will he leave us alone now?" Jasper laughed softly so as not to wake Charlie, "Darlin'.....I think that boy will be forever tryin' to get in the way. It's just a matter of us bein' strong enough to ignore him." **

**I giggled, "True." Jasper kissed me then, "Now...what do you say darlin', we order some take out for you and Charlie and I'll go get some take out of my own?" I nodded, following him to the kitchen and the drawer full of delivery menus.**

**It was the strangest thing going to bed that night with Jasper in my room, and not having to sneak him in. Charlie even stayed quiet when I shut the door, simply calling Good Night to us on his own way to bed. I lay there, enjoying the wonder of it when Jasper hugged me to him, "I love you darlin'. I'm sorry he was cruel today." I smiled, "It's okay Jasper. It didn't take me long to figure what he was up to." "But it made you hurt enough to go do somethin' reckless sugar. I can't lose you darlin'.....you're all I have." I smiled in the dark, unprepared for the next question, "What did he say to you? And don't lie cause you know I'll catch you." He was right, damn.**

**I sighed, "He tried to tell me about the Southern Wars." "What about them?" "About you and.....what you told me. The newborns.....the....the God of War stuff...." I waited, to see if he was mad, but all I got was a low growl, and then, "And what did you say?" "I said I already knew and I didn't care. Because I don't. That was old Jasper. Newly reformed Jasper is far nicer. Besides, old Jasper would never have been able to enjoy this in silence without causing some kind of uproar."**

**I slid my hand into his boxers, wrapping my slender fingers around his huge shaft, and began to stroke him, gently at first, and then harder and longer as I felt his cool breath on my neck, his lips gently kissing, "Isabella Marie Swan, you'll be the death of me." I giggled, looking him in the eye, "Maybe....but I'm counting on you returning the favor."**

**I woke late the next morning, stirred from sleep by the noise coming from the yard through my open window. When I went to look, I saw an unusual sight. Charlie was half up a tree outside my room, and Jasper was holding some kind of elaborate looking pulley rope, tied to the branch Charlie was sawing free. I shook my head at them, going into the bathroom to shower. I would never understand my father.**

**By the time I made it to the yard with cold drinks for them, Charlie was busy sawing the limbs into short logs, and Jasper was putting away his cell phone, "Darlin'....Alice is coming over with Rose." I smiled, oblivious, and he grinned, "Because they want to play Bella Barbie before we get married." My face paled, I felt it, and I fell into his arms, "Tomorrow....riiiight." "Did you forget darlin'? I've had it on my mind every minute of every day for a while now." I giggled, "I didn't forget I just.....I'm not good with days." Inside I was angry at myself. I **_**had**_** forgotten, honestly, with everything that had been happening. **

**JPOV**

**When I was finally allowed five minutes alone with Bella at the Cullen's that night, I held her tightly to me. "Jasper....I'm here with the girls. It isn't like something will happen to me." I kissed her, looking into her eyes, "Darlin'....I know that. I just.....I don't want to be away from you for five minutes." **

**She giggled, "That'll change. I'll become a nagging wife. We'll never have sex, and sooner or later you'll start fishing every chance you get, like Charlie." I smiled, cupping her ass in my hands as I lifted her off the floor and kissed her passionately, "Oh...I don't think I have anything to worry about Darlin'. I'll be the nagging one, and I can't imagine not making love to you ever." She smiled at me, and nearly sent me ass over with the wave of love coming off her. **

**"Whoa, darlin'....I love you too sugar but any more of that and I'll be trying to cosy on up to your Pa on the drive to the house." She giggled again, her hands finding their way into my shirt, and she sighed as she rested against me, "Jasper?" "Mmmmdarlin'?" I hated when she started a sentence with my name like that. That frightened, something's wrong but I don't know if I should say anything yet voice. "Jasper....he won't....come tomorrow, will he?" I smiled, pushing her hair out of her eyes, "No darlin'.....by now I'm pretty sure he's holed up in Denali lickin' his wounds. Now, I supposed I should go, the men are having some drinks and cigars in the barn." **

**She looked at me, "The Men?" I shrugged, "Look....it's just how Emmett sold it to me. Now, you holler if you need me, for anything." She nodded, her big eyes full of trust that I would never let any harm come to her. **

**I sure would try my damndest, I just had to hope that was all it took.**

**BPOV**

**I answered my phone sleepily, the light was just peeking through the half drawn curtains, "Mmmmm?" "Bella?" "Jasper?" "Why won't anyone let me see what hideous outfit you and Alice have cooked up for today? I mean...I'm guessin' it's hideous if nobody will let me get dressed yet." I giggled, "Jasper....it's dawn. We aren't getting married until noon. Calm down." "Darlin'.....I'm gonna run up there and...." "Nothing Jasper. You're going to do nothing. Just relax. Help Charlie. I'm sure he's a ball of mess right now." "Oh, ball of mess ain't even startin' to explain it darlin'." "Well, do a good deed. I love you." "Okay darlin'....I love you too. I'm sorry for wakin' you." "You can wake me anytime. See you at noon." **

**I hung up, and groaned as I felt Alice land on the end of the bed, "SO.......Rose and Esme made me promise not to frou frou you up too much, but can I? Just a little?" I nodded, "Only if you come bearing some kind of good news, and an espresso." She laughed then, and I felt a Starbucks cup in my outstretched hand. As I sipped it, I almost choked on the strong bitter taste, "Fuck Alice! How many shots are in there?" I heard Jasper growl at my swearing from somewhere in the house, and giggled, "Sorry." She smiled, "It's fine. I got you a triple, I figured you might need all your energy for later." I blushed at that, and then Alice grinned wickedly, "I know you hate surprises.....but....try really hard not to spoil this surprise." I looked at her, and she gestured to the bathroom, where a small, pretty blonde woman was peeking. "Bella....This is Charlotte." **

**I smiled, so this was Jasper's "family". Alice beamed, "Listen." There was silence, and then "Dude....you could at least invite me to your fucking wedding." followed by Jasper, "Peter! How've you been you crazy fuckin' bastard?" I giggled, even harder when I heard Jasper call out to me, "Sorry darlin'." I whispered, "It's okay. I love you." Charlotte hugged me to her, "Hello Isabella. Jasper has told Peter and I a lot about you. It's lovely to finally meet you sweetie." I began to cry. God knows why, and Alice, Rose and Charlotte just looked at me, stunned. **

**Jasper was outside my door in seconds, "What did you girls do?" "Nothing Jazzy....go back to your boyfriends. Bella's just a little overwhelmed." Alice's explanation wasn't far from the truth, everything had come together in such a rush, and here was this lovely woman hugging me to her as if I were her own. Charlotte kissed my cheek, "Sister, I have news that will make you smile. Your emo brother is in Denali, we got news this morning, and he's busy sulking and hunting his way through the mountain lions there." She was right, it did make me smile, and Alice pulled me from the bed, "Now....we need to get you ready. Don't wash your hair." **

**When I turned to let Alice lace my dress, Rose and Charlotte both looked stunned, "Come on guys. If I look like crap tell me now. I'm not going down there if Jasper is going to run screaming like a girl." **

**Charlotte laughed and pushed me towards the mirror, "Look. You're beautiful sweetie." **

**I looked in the mirror, shocked by what I saw. A slender, dark haired woman looked back at me, her skin alive with a happy glow, her nails neat and painted, make up perfectly applied. A mass of tumbling curls fell over my shoulders, my silhouette was curvy, not the flat as a tack shape I'd always assumed I had. There was a soft knock at the door and Esme appeared behind me with Charlie. **

**Charlie, who, dammit, was already dabbing at the damp in his eyes. "Charlie...don't. Then I'll cry, and Alice will kill me before I can get married." Charlie laughed, "You look beautiful Bells." "You don't scrub up too bad yourself old man. Shouldn't you be downstairs waiting?" "I've got a gift Bells. It was your Grandma Swan's." Oh god. I was definitely going to flood the room. I saw Alice give me a warning glance, and I took a deep breath as I accepted and opened the long, thin, flat box. My hands shook as I looked up at Charlie, and whispered, "It's beautiful." The thin, delicate white gold bracelet was studded with tiny diamonds and sapphires, it fit my wrist perfectly. **

**"Are you ready Bells?" I nodded, taking Charlie's arm and following him out of the room. It was now or never.**

**JPOV**

**Well, dammit. I had not expected the surprise waiting in the box on Carlisle's desk. My uniform, carefully cleaned and pressed, a single gardenia for my button hole. When I picked up my jacket to put it on, a note slipped out, from Bella, "Major, I love you. Hope you didn't mind, I couldn't think of anything more special. XX Bella" Shit, she'd make me get all emotional if she wasn't careful. I glanced in the mirror on my way out the door, it was time to do this.**

**As she came down the "aisle" Alice had created from a million flower petals, I felt the lust and love rise in me like crazy. It was all I could do to keep it to myself, and had I been able to cry, I would have. Bella looked so beautiful, so perfect, so angelic. **

**As she joined me and took my hand, I smiled to Charlie, whose own eyes were filled with happy tears. I hardly heard Carlisle's service, or our vows, I was pretty sure Bella was the same, until it was time to kiss her. I pressed my lips to hers, determined to make it chaste because of her father's presence, but she had other ideas. The lust she felt spiked, and she pulled me in to her, her hands in my hair until I pulled gently away, whispering in her ear, "Darlin'....there's plenty of time for that." She blushed, and it was at that moment I think I loved her more than ever before.**

**BPOV**

**After we'd danced and had a little food(the Cullen's had done well to hide their lack of), Jasper took me around the side of the house, kissing me as we went, "Darlin'.....I just had to do this." **

**In seconds, His lips were on my neck, my decolette, my jaw, my hands were softly caressing the fabric of his uniform. "Jasper....." my voice was breathy, "Jasper.....I..." I was distracted by the sudden change of texture in my hand. "Jasper....Why is there just one steel button on here?" I looked up, there were four gold buttons and one black steel. He looked shy, "Jasper? Seriously. It's just going to bug me now." I giggled. Trust me to find something stupid to be distracted by. **

**Jasper smiled at me, and held up my ring finger, alongside his, "Jas? I don't.....oh." I was stunned. Our wedding bands. "Those were buttons?" He nodded, holding our hands over his heart, " They were. I wanted to give you a part of me." I smiled, my eyes filling with tears, "So all of your buttons are....gold? What?" He nodded, "Well...I could hardly carry around a bar of gold during the war could I darlin'? Some of the bar is in Esme's hair pins, Carlisle's tie pin. You're the only other person who has some now darlin'." I smiled, kissing him, "I love you Jasper Whitlock." He nuzzled in against my neck, kissing me, "Not possibly as much as I love you Mrs Isabella Whitlock." I giggled at the sound of my new name, and kissed him with as much lust on my mind as I could muster. **

**I wanted him, and I wanted him to know it. **


	14. Authors Note

A/N: Hi Guys,

Sorry to take down that last chapter and then re-post the edit, but nothing has changed other than the formatting. I tried to break the paragraphs up a bit more, so it wasn't just big clumps of words to try and wade through.

I'm doing some crazy stuff at work this week, upside is I should have a new chapter every day this week, downside is, i have this gut feeling FF is going to make it hard to upload like they did last night.

Thanks for all your reviews!! If you haven't read it yet, go read "Sassafrass Junction" by VampishVixen. I just read it this morning, HOT!

Love you all, xx BMJ


	15. New Beginning

*CHP 13

A/N: Okay, give me feedback on whether you liked the re-formattig of the last chapter and this one, or if you want me to go back to the run together clumps. Please. :) And can i also say, randomly, how much i LOVE google chrome? It guesses (usually correctly) what i'm looking for, without having to actually google. I just type in the address bar! YAY! PS There's some lemon scented goodness coming. Enjoy it, or sod off.

BPOV

Peter had been staring at me from across the yard for an hour. Every time I looked back, he was still staring, and it was beginning to freak me out. When I got beside Rose, I whispered to her, "Why is Peter staring?" "Cause you look so beautiful." "Ha Ha. It's a weird stare." "Ask him." I looked at her, was she freaking kidding? She smiled, "Bella....you'll get to know Peter. He'll tell you if you ask him. So go ask him." Annoyed with her relaxed attitude, I did just that. I felt Jasper's and Charlotte's eyes on me as I stalked over to Peter, "Didn't anyone tell you it's rude to stare?" He laughed then, and offered his hand, "Isabella. We finally meet. I'm Peter." I shook his hand, instantly caught off guard and unsure how to proceed. "Why were you staring?" He smiled, "Partly...like Rose told you. You look so beautiful. And....I was hoping you'd come over here, because I didn't want to interrupt you spending time with your father." I smiled, "You're crazy." He laughed, "I am. Just wait til you find out how crazy." He patted the bench beside him, "Come sit down. That dress must be awfully uncomfortable." Before I knew what I was saying, I'd answered, a little too honestly, "It's the corset! How the hell did women wear these. I can hardly breathe." I felt the color rise to my cheeks, and Peter leant in close, "I'd like to help you out with that." I was stunned, and it was only once he began to laugh at my shock that I realized, he was fucking with me. "You bastard." I giggled, and playfully punched him in the arm. Jasper and Charlotte arrived then, both grinning, "So, I see you and my husband have hit it off?" I nodded, standing to hug Charlotte, "Thank you both so much for coming today." Charlotte beamed, "We just wish we'd met you before this. Will you come and visit soon?" I looked to Jasper, I really wanted to. There was just something about Charlotte that made me feel like I was home, much like being with the Cullens did. Jasper nodded, hugging me into his side, "We can do that soon darlin', for sure." He bent down and gently, behind my ear nibbled me. I shivered with delight, and then he kissed my neck, "Darlin'.....do you want to go say goodnight to....everyone?" I knew he was most concerned with Charlie. I had made it all but crystal clear I expected to be changed very soon, and it would be hard to let Charlie go. There was no way of knowing when, if ever, I would be able to see him again, and the thought was breaking my heart. I was determined to master my hunger, even if it took me years, so I could eventually return to spend time with my father.

I nodded, walking slowly to where my father sat, finally alone, under the huge oak tree. "Hey Bells. You look so beautiful honey." I nodded, already feeling the tears I needed to keep contained. "Thanks. You did okay too. I hope you've had a good time." He smiled, "I sure did honey. This has been a day I've thought about a lot over the years, I'm just glad I was here for it." That was it. I felt the first tear fall, and as I swiped at it, I hoped no more followed. "Me too. So....what will you do at home?" "Bells, you've been gone a while now you know. I'm used to it. Rattling round that old house on my own." I giggled, "Charlie....you're not alone." "Naw, you're right Bells. I've got my Beers and my Baseball." I giggled again, laying my head softly on his shoulder, and he put his arm across mine, "Bells....you're a wonderful young woman. Jasper's a wonderful young man, he's been raised right, and he treats you how you should be treated. I'm happy for you, both of you." I nodded, "Thanks Charlie." I sighed, "Charlie....you know we're planning a big holiday, right? And you know I might not be able to call you for days, maybe weeks? It might only be the odd email?" He nodded, "I know Bells. Jasper and I have discussed it. It's alright honey, you're growing up. Explore, see the world. Do what ever you need, so you can settle down when you're done." I smiled sadly, knowing he was thinking of Renee. "Charlie....Dad....I love you. Please don't ever forget that. You're...everything to me." I felt the tears begin to fall, and Charlie hugged me to him, "Bells....you too. I love you too. How could I forget? You darn near tell me every five minutes these last few days." I giggled, if only he knew why. We sat, talking about nothing for a half hour, before Carlisle stood, and called our attention, "Guests? It's time to farewell Mr and Mrs Whitlock this evening, and to send them with our best wishes. Tonight they begin life as man and wife, and I'm sure you join me in wishing them the best, and then even more in a life filled with love and their shared faith." I looked at Jasper then. I hadn't been aware he believed in God, and he simply smiled, leaning to whisper to me, "There's a few things I like to think somebody helped with. Might as well be Him." He gestured to the sky and I smiled. Life was wonderful.

I was looking around for a wedding car of some kind, or at the very least a Cullen car, I certainly wasn't expecting to see my old Red Pick Up truck roll around the bend, Emmett looking like he was having the time of his life, "Congratulations Bella!" I giggled, Jasper smiled, kissing my head, "Darlin'.....I just couldn't let them scrap it without one last ride." I sighed contentedly, I knew what he meant. The only way to.....convince everyone I had perished, when the time came, was to do something like crash my truck, setting it on fire. There was a bittersweet irony that my new life was about to begin in the vehicle my old life would end in.

It almost killed me to climb into the cab in the corset, Jasper looking confused as I made a groaning noise. I blushed, "Nothing. Just....a lot of dress." He kissed me and climbed in the passenger side. We waved until my arm felt tired, and I kept waving until we were long past the house. I began to cry, silently, but there was no hiding from Jasper. "Darlin'......do you want me to pull over?" I shook my head, "No...I'm okay." "Really? You're cryin' an awful lot there sugar." I smiled, "I'll be fine. Jasper....thankyou. For this." I gestured to the truck, and he grinned, "I had to let you, and it, have one last hurrah." I giggled, and sat quietly, leaning against him as we drove to our destination. He'd changed into a pair of wranglers and a button down before we'd left, at my insistence. I didn't want anything to happen to his beloved uniform.

I woke, feeling like I was floating, giggling when I realized Jasper was carrying me, "Hello Darlin'. I thought I should start things the right way." He was carrying me through the double doors of a hotel room. "The others will meet us at the airport tomorrow. For now....you're all mine Mrs Whitlock." I fluttered my eyelashes, "I do hope so Major." He kissed me then, and set me on my feet.

He had my dress off before I could blink, his clothes already neatly folded on a nearby chair. Standing there in his Boxers, he let out a low whistle, "Golleeee. You sure do look mighty enticin' darlin'." I giggled, posing with my hands on my hips, and then letting out a small cough. As I relaxed more and more, it got harder and harder to breathe. Jasper's cool hands were soothing on my shoulders as he gently kissed my neck and unlaced the corset. "This....this is incredibly sexy darlin'.....but don't hurt yourself for my benefit again, please. " I blushed, it covered my entire body, and suddenly felt incredibly exposed. He gently reached in front of me, catching the falling fabric, and flinging it to the side. His hands began to caress my breasts, his kissed light and feathery on my neck as his hard body pressed into mine. I could hardly suppress the moan that escaped my lips as I lay my head back into the crook of his neck. He turned me to face him, kissing me, his hands pulling my face closer to his as he did.

Reaching down with one hand, he loosened the ribbon tie on the side of my panties, one by one, and they fell to the floor. Softly, gently, he let that hand trail over my newly waxed folds. "Mmm....darlin'. This is new." I blushed again, "If you don't...." He pressed his other finger to my lips, "Shhh.....I love you however. It's a nice surprise is all Darlin'." I kissed him again, trying to soothe the fear growing in my stomach. We'd made love a few times before now, but it felt incredibly new and I was beginning to feel anxious. What if it was....not good? What if I was not good? I felt the wave of calm before I saw the smile on his face, "Bella...listen to me. Just like always, we won't do anything you don't want, and everything you do. If you just want to curl up and sleep tonight, I will happily hold you until you wake up." I smiled, letting my hands slip inside his shorts, a wicked grin on my lips, "Oh no Major Whitlock. You won't escape that easily." He growled then, smiling, and threw me onto the giant bed, climbing on top of me. "Just you remember what you said darlin'." I smiled, tangling my fingers in his hair as he began to grind against me, his lips pressing urgently into mine. There was going to be nothing slow about this, and I was completely okay with that.

His hands found my breasts as he kissed his way down my body, I was nervous and excited and incredibly aroused all at the same time. His breath was cool and heavy on my thigh, he laughed wickedly as he licked it slowly, all the way to my opening. I sucked in a breath, this was new. Very new. I saw him look at me from down there, and squirmed a little. He was watching me? Oh god. He smiled, and stuck his head up a little more, "Darlin'....if you'd rather I..." I shook my head, "It's okay" I whispered, barely audibly. He kissed my stomach and went back to work.

After discovering there was yet another way to enjoy my new husband, I was out of breath and incredibly ready for him to slide into me. So was he, I assumed, judging by the raging hard on pressed into my groin and the way he was grinding against me. I looked into his eyes, simply nodding, and felt his huge cock slip into me, with some resistance. I'd learnt to enjoy the sensation though, letting it wash through me as he began to thrust. I kissed his hand, next to my face, and whispered into the dark room, "Fuck me Major." He growled in delight, and that was almost enough to push me over the edge. His hand found its way down to my clit, moving is slow circles at first, then fast, rough strokes as we both neared the peak. I looked at Jasper, right into his eyes, "I love you." He smiled down at me, kissing me and whispering, "I love you too Isabella." I lost it then, my tiny moans becoming loud cries, Jasper doing a much better job of containing his noise. "OH....God! Jasper.....fuck yes." It was one of the rare times he ignored the swearing, although it was one of the only times I ever did. It took me a while to slow my breathing, wrapped in Jasper's arms. He was kissing my neck, my shoulders, and sneakily, sending me waves of lethargy. "heyy....no fair. You already wore me out. No tricks." He laughed, "Darlin'....you need to sleep now. We have plenty of time coming. An eternity." I smiled, "Promise me?" "I promise Darlin'. When you're ready, so am I." That night I dreamt of racing Jasper through the woods, beating him back to the house.

The flight was awful. No sooner had the plane left the ground, I was in the bathroom retching for the world title. Esme came first, unable to stand it after the third time she called Alice, at my insistence on not calling Jasper. Carlisle appeared instead, complete with big scary injection in his pocket, I could see the outline. "Carlisle.....I'm so not in the mood." He smiled, placing his cool hand on my forehead. "Bella dear, it will help. Just close your eyes." I did, and hardly felt it go in. "Done. Do you want me to call Jasper for you?" I shook my head, "No....I don't want him to...." Jasper knocked then, "Darlin'?" "Worry." I sighed. Carlisle stood, and switched with Jasper. "Darlin'? Are you alright?" I nodded, "Fine. Just....not used to long distance plane travel." "I'm sorry darlin'. Do you need anything?" I shook my head, letting him steady me as I rinsed my mouth out at the sink and began the walk to my seat.

When Jasper stretched the seat out for me, I was immediately glad we were in first class. It took me seconds to fall asleep, safe surrounded by my family.

A/N: Ok, ok. I apologise for not having more lemony stuff. I got to writing it and i just.....got the block. So there's a bit of tittilation, and soon (in the next chapter or so) there'll be more than enough lemony tidbits to keep you dreaming of the Major for weeks. :) xx AND I aplogize for the fact this was mostly fluff. I don't know what's going on in my brain. I like what i write until it's time to upload, and then it all just looks like.....even Edward would adopt it to sulk over cause it gets so bad.


	16. Chapter Coming Soon I promise! xoxo

A/N: So i know....it's crudola when authors write notes instead of chapters. this is more of an apology, in the few hours it will take me to polish off this chapter, I may recieve yet more annoying (and RUDE!!) messages about my lack of update. hello!

I work f/t and i'm at college f/t too! I'm working on it guys. I love you all, and i love that you like my story so much. There's updates coming! I have three i'm editing atm. One will be up tonight!! (in the next two hours).

Hoping to get another up in the morning before work as well. (bout twelve hours).

Love you all! (not the mean ones). xxooxxoo


	17. UPDATING TONIGHT! xxooxoxoo love you a

A/N: hey guys, so, after an extended work trip (and a night at Taylor Swift's Sydney concert....OMG!) I'm back! I'm posting the next three (yes, three!!!) chapters tonight, they'll be uploaded by nine thirty cause I need sleep. :) I'm just editing them now, and then i'll post.

Thanks so much to everyone who sent me supportive messages, I'm so glad you guys understood that i couldn't post!

xxooxxooo


	18. We'll always have Paris

**A/N: Ok, so i took absolutely forever with this, and I'm sorry. I still think it needs so work, like....big time, but I'm kinda sick of the annoying messages so take this and make of it what you will. It kinda wanders here and there, and takes a while to get to the point, but harass me, and this is what happens. To everyone who's been patient, I'm sorry to bore you with this drivel. xxooxxoo**

**CHPTR 14**

**When we landed, Jasper and Alice held me up through the passport counter, juggled me at the baggage claim and eventually got me into the back of a big ass rental. More surprising was seeing Esme behind the wheel, and I giggled in shock. "Everything alright Bella dear?" She glanced in the rearview mirror, and I nodded. I still felt seedy, and for some reason I was more tired than when I'd fallen asleep before. I lay my head on Jasper's shoulder and closed my eyes, I'd just rest for a moment. I was so keen to close my eyes, I wasn't even sure where we were.**

**JPOV**

**I could handle the sick feeling, and the disappointment coming from Bella when she went to the bathroom, but when I felt the sheer terror as Carlisle spoke with her, I just had to go see what was wrong. I was stunned to see her sitting on the floor by the toilet bowl, her face flushed, and as I helped her up, hands clammy. She rinsed her mouth at the sink, and I felt evil as I helped her back to her seat, laying it out for her. She was sick and it was my fault. I should have thought she might not travel well, I was grateful Carlisle had thought to bring something to help. **

**We got some interested stares as we went through the Customs counter, at the baggage carousel Alice and I took turns to hold her as we collected luggage. Esme met us at the curb with the rental.**

**Bella rested her head on my shoulder, I kissed her head as she quickly fell asleep. I looked across at Alice who shrugged, I hoped Bella enjoyed this surprise.**

**I was afraid to wake her when we arrived, carrying her into the terrace home we'd rented and placed her gently on the bed. She murmured in her sleep, reaching for me as I began to step away, so i climbed up beside her, wrapping her in my arms, "Shhh darlin'. Sleep. You're safe here......shhh....." **

**BPOV**

**It was afternoon when I woke, The sun was high over the house and Jasper wasn't long gone. My skin was still cool where his hands had been. "Jasper?" I whispered carefully, and he appeared, grinning, seconds later, "Darlin'? I was just getting you some water." I took the offered glass willingly, I was thirsty and starving. As if to reinforce the need for food, my stomach growled. I blushed, Jasper smiled, "Esme's working on that with Alice downstairs. Are you ready to get up?" I nodded, noticing he'd dressed me in fresh jeans and a tee shirt, my hair hung loose around my shoulders, tangle free. He'd brushed it while i slept. I knew I'd dreamt about it for a reason!**

**In the kitchen, Esme and Alice were laughing about something, as i sat at the counter Esme looked worriedly from me to Jasper, "Dear? Are you feeling well? You're very...pale today." I nodded, "Just a little tired, and getting better. This smells delicious." I gestured to the pots on the stove, and Alice grinned, "It better taste delicious. We had to go to three stores to find some chicken!" I giggled, and then listened to the sounds coming in from the open windows behind me, "Where are we?" I walked to the windows, sticking my head out, "Paris?" I pulled back inside, running to throw my arms around Jasper, "You bought me to Paris? Is this for real?" Carlisle appeared then, smiling, "It most certainly is dear Bella. We thought since it's usually grey and cloudy here this time of year, it would be the perfect compromise." I giggled, "And nobody will notice that I have no fashion sense?" Alice smiled, hugging me, "Nope. Cause I planned ahead, and you have a ready and waiting wardrobe up in your room."**

**I hardly ate at dinner, nobody said anything but I knew they'd all noticed. Afterward, I was straight to the bathroom to throw up. Jasper hovered outside the door, "Darlin? Everythin' okay in there sugar? I don't like it when you lock the door? What if something....?" The shock on his face as i pulled the door open made me smiled, "I'm fine. Maybe I'm just overtired. Really." I stumbled then, and Jasper picked me up, kissing my head, "You need to go to bed. Nor arguments darlin'." I simply nodded, and went with it. **

**I was asleep before I was even under the covers.**

**The next day Alice dried my hair for me, and dressed me in some tights and a pinafore dress. I stared daggers at Jasper as he began to say I looked nice, so he bent down and kissed me instead. I hoped like hell he wouldn't smell the vomit through the tonne of toothpaste i'd just used, thankfully Alice had been too wrapped up in my closet to notice i'd thrown up in the middle of a discussion. This travel sickness was killing my honeymoon buzz, and we hadn't even had sex! What kind of newlyweds were we, officially on our honeymoon and we'd done nothing but sleep beside each other? ridiculous.**

**We walked the Rue St Germaine, took in the Eiffel tower and stopped for a late lunch at a small cafe, hidden away in a lane that Carlisle said was owned by non-veg vamps. Everyone working there was human, but he said he'd known the owners during his time with the Volturi. I giggled, thinking of Carlisle being a young man, sitting in cafe's, probably smoking and admiring young ladies passing by. **

**The afternoon was spent in the park, spoiled by my dash to some big, fluffy bushes to throw up, yet again. Jasper was there in an instant, followed by Carlisle, Alice and Esme stood watch while they picked me up, cleaned me off, and helped me get home. I was past being embarrassed now, every hundred yards I had to stop and find a gutter or a restroom, all the way back to the house.**

**A few hours later I woke, Jasper was by my side watching some tennis game, Alice was in the kitchen, I could hear her repeating the recipe to herself. "Hey darlin'.....don't sit up. Carlisle gave you something to stop the nausea, He and Esme have gone to hunt. Do you need anything?" I nodded, "I'm so thirsty Jas...." After a drink, I fell asleep quickly.**

**JPOV**

**When the knock came at the door, I left her, pulling it open and smiling, expecting to see Carlisle and Esme. I wasn't expecting my idiot brother, even less when Alice slid into the foyer, "Edward's on.....oh. He's here." Edward smiled, "Hello. I'm not following you, honestly. I just happened to be out walking tonight, and I heard Alice cooking." Alice growled under her breath, and I looked at him. "Bella's not well Edward. It would be better if you just left. Please." He nodded, "I just stopped by to see if perhaps we could all do something tomorrow?" Alice called from the kitchen, "Just do it Jazzy. He's going to keep coming back until we do." I sighed, "Alright. We'll meet you on Rue St Honore at ten thirty. Edward, Bella may choose to stay home if she likes." He nodded, "That's fine. As long as she gets well. And....Congratulations." **

**When he left, I felt uneasy. There was more to what he was doing than I could tell, and despite Alice's feigned ignorance, I had a strong suspicion she knew more than she said as well, but I was willing to wait, for Bella's sake. Carlisle seemed unfazed by his appearance, even Esme smiled, "Jasper, Isabella was willing to give him another chance son. What harm can it do to simply catch up?"**

**Peter called me that night, I stepped out onto the small balcony, where i could still see Bella, "Hey. What's up?" "Jasper....I know he came to see you." "Well then why didn't you call me damnit?" "I only just knew. Anyway....Bella will want to talk to him, you should allow her." "Allow her? What are we, in the middle ages Peter? Christ almighty, Bella's a grown fucking woman Peter. I won't tell her what to do, no matter how much it makes my skin crawl." "Jasper.....I'm serious. You'll have to fight your instinct on this, let it play it's course. I'm pretty sure Alice will have more news for you in the morning." "Peter, this is bullshit. I'm on my fucking honeymoon, and we still don't have any peace." "Jasper, it's only Edward. I can't imagine he's interrupted much." "No.....Peter, never mind. He's just the icing on the cake." Peter laughed, "Oh, no. Jasper, Bella will start feeling better soon. Maybe another week or so? I don't know what makes it happen, but I can tell you she won't throw up like a cowboy for much longer after you get home." She was stirring, I needed to get back to her, "Peter? Gotta go. Promise you'll quit being all spooky, okay?" "I'll try brother, I'll definitely try. Now get back in there to that sexy woman of yours and give her one for me." "You dirty fucking..." He hung up before I could finish speaking. I had to hand it to him, the guy had no shame. I growled before going back inside, at my cock, which was now hard and almost painful. There was no way I could interrupt Bella's sleep for that.**

**BPOV**

**I woke with Jasper beside me, his cock hard and pressing into my leg. I giggled, "Jas? Everything okay over there?" He looked at me sheepishly, "Sorry darlin'.....I didn't mean to....well...." I smiled, "It's okay. I think....I'd like some." It was sheer seconds before I felt my panties ripped away and his rock hard cock between my thighs. I glanced up through my lashes, "Jasper.....fuck me. Please." He grinned wickedly and plunged into my core, my moan a little louder than intended, and Alice's soft knock could be heard on the adjoining wall. I giggled, and sank into the bliss that was making love to Jasper.**

**I should have known something bad was coming. **

**Alice met me at the kitchen counter with a remorseful grin and my breakfast, "Edward wants us to have a picnic." I laughed at her until I realized she was serious, "No way. No....what? Why?" I was still mad at him, but I'd long since decided it was better to forgive and write off any of his previous sins. One day I knew, he would come home to the Cullens, and there would just have to be enough space for the two of us. I trusted that eventually he would realize this too.**

**I shook my head, "No. Sorry. You guys go, by all means. I don't want to." Alice looked uneasy, and then to Jasper. I missed whatever she said, but I didn't miss Jasper's reaction. His fist slammed onto the counter, cracking the marble with a loud "Crack!", and making me jump. Jasper looked afraid then, and hugged me to him, "I'm so sorry darlin'....if you don't want to go, you don't have to." I saw the pointed look he gave to Alice, who sighed, "Whatever. It all goes to hell later anyway, this is just prolonging the shitstorm." **

**Jasper and Emmett stayed with me while the others went to meet him, arguing over who was going to entertain me and who would just have to wait. Emmett was trying to get me to play X-Box, Jasper was in favor of watching a movie. I was torn, wanting to do both. It wasn't helping that I felt sick, or that my head was thumping every hour on the hour for about fifteen minutes. "Guys, how about we watch a movie, and then we'll play x-box after?" Emmett looked annoyed but hugged me anyway, "Okay Bella Smella. I guess we could do that. Terminator? Highlander? Alien? Oooh, oh, I know, I know, Final Destination? Any of them?" I giggled, "You choose Em."**

**I lay on the huge knotted rug, sinking into the luxurious wool and closing my eyes. With Jasper tracing patterns on my back, I was out cold in minutes.**

**Two days later, while Jasper was off hunting with the others, only Carlisle and I remained at the house. I was still feeling seedy, and it was all I could do to eat in the mornings. I thought maybe I was just worn out, but for a second opinion I tracked him down on the tiny rooftop terrace, reading from an old leather-bound book. "Bella dear, hello. How are you today?" I smiled, "Okay I think. So far, everything's down." He smiled in sympathy, and reached out to touch my forehead, "You're not running a fever. Does anything ache?" I shook my head, "No....the only thing is that my whole body feels sick. Carlisle....it's disgusting. This is my honeymoon and I've only....Oh. God. Sorry." I suddenly realized what I'd been about to complain about, and blushed scarlet. Carlisle laughed, "Well, we know you aren't too unwell, you still blush like yourself." I giggled, "Carlisle, what could it be?" He shrugged, "Let me give you a check up, and we'll see if we can't find something." **

**And so, that was how Jasper came to find me, still sitting on the terrace that night, wrapped in Carlisle's sweater, a mug of coffee going cold on the step near my knees. "Bella? Darlin'? Is everything okay?" I looked up at him, my eyes welling with tears, burying my head in his chest, "Jasper! I don't know." He let me cry, waiting until it slowed, "Bella....darlin'...it can't be all that bad sugar. Carlisle said he gave you a check up and everything was fine." I nodded, "That's just the thing.....I don't know.....Jasper....." My eyes were wide as I looked up at him, terrified of his answer. "Jasper...I'm...."**

**JPOV**

**The tension was incredible, as i looked down into her big brown eyes, "Bella....darlin'....it can't be all that bad sugar. Carlisle said he gave you a check up and everything was fine." She nodded, i could feel the fear coming from her as she spoke, but something told me not to mess with it just now, "That's just the thing....I don't know.....Jasper...." She was shivering, I wrapped my arm across her shoulder, kissing her head, her eyes getting even wider as she began again, my chest aching with fear for her safety and health. The way she was afraid...surely it was something awful? Why had Carlisle said she was fine? I almost let myself get lost in worry as she began to speak, "Jasper....I'm...." I didn't hear her the first time, surely she hadn't just said what I'd thought? "Jasper?" Her voice was questioning, demanding, "Jasper? Did you hear me? Oh god. You can't be happy. You're never this quiet." I snapped back to her, "Bella? I'm sorry Darlin'....what did you just say?" She hadn't said that....Had she? "Jasper...? Carlisle thinks I'm pregnant." The words hung in the air, Bella's huge chocolate orbs floating in front of me, and I took in the news. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach, but I wasn't upset. Those were Bella's next words, "I knew you'd be upset. Jas....we don't have to....do...this." She began to shiver for real, and i pulled her into my arms. If I could cry, I would have been. "Oh my darlin' Isabella. Of course we will. I want to....if you do sugar." The relief that flooded through me almost sent me into the wall, and she smiled up at me, "Oh Jasper. We won't know for sure until we get home, and Carlisle said he isn't sure if....well....you know. Things will....work out but.....I'm so happy Jasper." I smiled, I was overjoyed as well, but what would we do with a child? I couldn't be happier with the idea of a child, of my very own. A child, my own flesh.....a part of myself and my Bella. But a child belonging to a vampire and a human? There was no way Bella could be changed while she was carrying our child, and I couldn't imagine her being willing to leave the child, even in Carlisle and Esme's care while she went through the newborn phase. I was torn, but I didn't want her to see. I smiled, "Bella! This is incredible news. I'm so happy darlin'.....amazing." I buried my face in her hair, breathing her beautiful scent in. We would work it out. It would be hard, but we would do it. Our own child!**

**BPOV**

**It went better than expected. Jasper was as excited as I was, I'd been nervous he would fight me over wanting to carry the baby to term if I was able. When we climbed into bed that night, he kissed me, rubbing his cool hands across my stomach, "Darlin'....that's me and you in there. Our own....creature. Our own little person." He kissed my cheeks, my nose, my mouth, and I looked up at him, "I don't want to tell anyone just yet. I mean.....Alice probably already knows but...."He nodded, "I think that would be a good idea darlin'....especially with...well." I knew what he meant. Edward was coming home. The others had negotiated and argued and finally settled, he would come home, and he knew he needed to reign himself in. I had refused to enter into any of it, simply declaring that if he was willing to grow up, then I was fine with his return. I fell into a dreamless sleep that night, wrapped tight in my husband's loving arms.**

**The house was warm and inviting when we returned home, and when Edward came forward to welcome us all, I was immediately glad we had told no-one else. Carlisle and Jasper were the best, apart from Alice, at keeping Edward out of their private thoughts, and I wasn't ready for the storm that might rain down, even if Edward had "Changed". He greeted me awkwardly, offering his hand even though he stepped forward to hug me, so I smiled, pulling him into a friendly hug, "Edward. Hi. Welcome home." I was confident, as he stepped back smiling, that we were on the right track. Things would return to normal, and I could change when the baby was older.**

**EPOV**

**They were hiding something. I didn't know what yet, and not all of them knew anyway but....there was something. Even Bella seemed to be distracted, and I cursed the fact I couldn't read anything in her at all. I'd promised to try and be normal, to accept my brother's marriage to the love of my life, to let Bella be. I was determined to make peace with her, to become her friend. It was my consolation prize, I would become her best friend. A better friend than Alice, I would be in favor because I had no way to ruin surprises, no prior knowledge about anything to come. Everything would be new and fresh for both of us, exciting moments would be honest, not forced to keep the peace, secrets could legitimately be secrets. **

**I smiled to myself, I was beginning to sound like a teenage girl. I needed to get a grip, and I needed to make a start with Bella.**

**When they'd split up throughout the house, I found her sitting in the kitchen, eating a piece of toast, "Bella....hi." She smiled, "Hi. Glad to be home?" I nodded, sitting beside her, "I am. I missed you...all." Oops. Almost tripped up there. "It was so quiet without all the noise." She laughed, "True. Paris was beautiful. I can see how you and Carlisle fell in love with it." "It's a beautiful city, yes.**

**BPOV**

**Edward, over the coming weeks, had proven himself to be quite a good friend. When Jasper was out hunting, he would keep me occupied by teaching me new things on the piano, showing me how to notate sheet music compositions, how to track things in the woods. If I was feeling discontented, I would sit in the music room and mark down the pieces he would compose, I had become a pro at recognizing the notes, the inflections. Jasper wasn't jealous in any way, I think, in truth, he was simply glad to have his brother back. **

**I was indeed pregnant, three months along, and to this point, not showing much at all. One night, laying with Jasper, I cried out in shock, "OH my god. What if Edward is able to hear the baby's thoughts." Jasper laughed then, "You're lucky he's hunting darlin or he'd know now anyway." He hugged me to him, stroking my hair, "Darlin'....it's fine. If he can't read you, chances are he can't hear the baby yet. It's a part of you sugar." I was so excited! We would have our own child, and I knew whatever was going to happen, it would all work out fine. The awkwardness I'd felt growing between the men was all in my head, there was absolutely no way this was going wrong.**

**JPOV**

**There was a growing tension between Edward and I, despite my best efforts. I had turned a blind eye to the way he admired her as they sat in his music room, ignored the way he took her out into the woods, to show her the animal tracks, teach her about the trees, how to find her way. I knew he was trying to make amends, trying to equip her for the life to come when she was changed. And Bella enjoyed their time, I knew she worried about my thoughts but I knew well enough to hide them. Unlike usual though, Alice hadn't confronted either of us yet. In fact, sometimes she looked like she was pitying Bella from afar, it was driving me insane. **

**It came as no surprise when Emmett and Rose cornered me one day, "Hey, bro. We're going hunting, you're coming." "Guys...I don't want to leave Bella too long...." "No deal Jasper. Rose and I want you to come, we haven't been hunting together for, like...ever. We're doing this brother. Carlisle and Edward will look after her, Esme has missed you too." I smiled, it had always seemed such an irony, that tiny, beautiful Esme enjoyed hunting with her sons. If anything, she was more into than even Rose was, I wondered if it would change the way Bella saw Esme, when she eventually witnessed it. I gave in, "Okay. I'll come. When?" Bella appeared then, "Tonight. You're all going tonight." I kissed her, holding her to me. I couldn't wait until we could hunt together, it would be so sexy to watch my wife stalk her prey, and take it down. Bella had hidden strengths, hidden abilities. I wanted to see her explore them, to embrace her new self. Our baby would have an incredible mother.**

**BPOV**

**I waved goodbye after the thirtieth kiss from Jasper, and the millionth reassurance from Esme that they would take care of him. Carlisle and Edward flanked me, something was bothering Edward, and I was determined to get to the bottom of it. Before I could do much though, Carlisle had pulled me into the kitchen, sending Edward on a made up journey into town to buy more "human supplies". "Bella....does Edward know?" I shook my head, "No. Well...I mean, nobody's told him, and I'm pretty sure we'd know if he'd read it on anyone." Carlisle nodded, "How are you feeling?" "Okay. I don't feel so sick anymore, and my legs don't cramp so much. We've even started to.....well..." I felt the blush rise to my cheeks, I had become more comfortable talking to Carlisle. It had occurred to me that at some point, he would be between my legs, delivering my baby, there was pretty much nothing more embarrassing than that moment right there. He grinned, "Good for you. It's entirely safe to keep....it up until close to the end of the pregnancy Bella, as long as you're comfortable." I blushed even darker, and disappeared into the living room. I needed to work out a way to get into Edward's head, find out what was making him more awkward and cold than usual.**

**His return was quieter than usual, instead of joining me in the living room, he went directly to the music room, where he played and played until suddenly things went quiet, hours later. **

**As i stood in the doorway, I noticed his eyes were darker than usual, a sure sign he was angry. At that point, it hadn't occurred to me that perhaps he hadn't hunted in a while. I was so wrapped up in my own world just then, a bomb could have gone off in the yard and I still would have dismissed it as a burst balloon. "Edward?" He raised an eyebrow at me, but said nothing, marking his paper. "Edward....what's going on with you?" He shook his head, he was such a bad liar, "Nothing Bella. Why would something be wrong?" I should have heeded the feeling in the pit of my stomach, but I ignored it, like all foolish women through time, alone in a room with someone they should fear, but don't. "Edward, don't lie to me." I stood in front of him, my hand touching his before I'd thought about it, his dark, black, brooding eyes drinking the gesture in before looking up at me. "Nothing....is wrong Isabella." I sighed, "Edward, stop it. This has to stop. We've become good friends Edward.....we can't have secrets and lies and...." My own words slapped me in the face as he rose, snarling softly as he took off out of the room. Stupidly, blindly, I followed after him to apologize. I ran from the house, the kitchen door slamming behind me as I tried to catch him in the woods.**


	19. The Woods

A/N: So....here's the next one. I don't mean to leave you with a cliffy like this, but I'm about to edit the next chapter, so you shouldn't have too long to wait. I wrote this and the next while I was supposed to be finding solutions for health care today, Bella called to me, and told me she wanted a change. Well....enjoy. xx

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I saw the look on his face as he ran past me, determined and hungry; driven by the rage and the hurt he'd kept pent up these last few weeks. I heard the snarl as he went through the door, barely contained. I watched him go through the kitchen, still not quite running, Before I really gave it any thought, I was out the door, leaving it to slam behind me, following him into the woods.

I'd seen it bubbling away, his frustration over something, his annoyance, but in my usual style, I'd simply closed my eyes to it and hoped it would go away. I wondered where he was going, if he would appear in our meadow. Maybe the stream?

Horrified, I soon realized where he was headed when the faint voices of hikers carried on the wind; Edward hadn't hunted in days. "Edward! No!!" I shouted after him as I began to run, as fast as my short, human strides would take me. "Carlisle? Help us!" My voice was determined as I ran after him, much as the look on Edward's face had been. "Edward! Please, don't! You'll regret this. Edward....Edward? Stop....please. Edward!"

I'd lost sight of him and was now crying out aimlessly, sheer dumb luck that I caught sight of him again as I came past a giant tree. He was hell bent on his task now, all caution was thrown to the wind, I needed to make him see what he was about to do. He would never live with his regret, with the self-loathing I knew would accompany this attack, should he carry it out. "Carlisle? Carlisle, hurry!" I knew he would hear me, my fingers were sub-consciously crossed he would come quickly, that he would understand the panic in my voice.

His eyes were almost glowing with desire, his teeth bared, a low growl coming from his throat. "Edward.....Edward please, no. Don't do this." My voice was gentle, falsely calm as I reached out to him with my hand, "Edward....please. There are some deer back there, by the stream. Don't do this, you'll hate yourself, you'll regret this in minutes. Please Edward......please don't. We need you.....Edward. You're......you're....."I felt my breath hitch, I was about to cry, "Edward you're frightening me."

He crouched then, his growl loud and vicious, venom pooling in his mouth. My wedding band suddenly seemed dull, the diamond in my engagement ring stopped sparkling as the clouds came across fast, heavy. My hair and clothes were plastered to me, the rain picking up now, no sound around us, making me feel very alone; "Carlisle? Come quickly." My voice was a whisper, a cracking twig under foot nearby distracting me as I spoke again, hoping against all realities that there was enough of my own Edward left inside to respond, "Edward, you're scaring me." His head spun to face me, I saw him get to his toes, initially I smiled, thinking he'd heard me, but it was too late that I realized what was happening.

He was going to run for the hikers! I threw myself in front of him, "Edward, No!" Our bodies collided with the sound of a loud explosion, my vision filled with sparks, my body searing with pain before everything went black.

EPOV

I smelt the hikers as I ran from the house, and I could barely contain myself. I was starving, I hadn't hunted in days, wanting to spend every minute I had rebuilding my friendship with Bella, being selfish, knowing she would try to spend every waking moment doing the same. It was my own silent revenge, as childish as it seemed, I knew Jasper would let it ride because he wanted her to be happy, wanted us to be friends. To keep the peace. I was never going to have her for myself again, but I could make sure I was so needed in her world that he had to accept my existence. They were hiding something, I knew it to be certain more than anything I'd known before. I wanted her to tell me. I wanted the answer more than I wanted Bella. Sweet, innocent Bella. She was following me, I heard the kitchen door slam, and then she began to call to me.

I tuned her out. I wanted this kill, to take down these pitiful humans, to show I was in control, to show my power. I barely heard her call Carlisle, and I began to stalk my prey. One was already bleeding, a young woman, perhaps she'd strayed too far off the trail, snagged herself on a tree branch.

Her tiny voice continued to make noise in the background, a twig broke nearby and I began to feel the venom in my mouth. I swallowed, ready to pounce. She came towards me, I tried to drown out her voice with my own, in my head, but it crept inside, "Edward, No!" I leapt, but instead of the delicious taste of human blood I'd been expecting, her tiny body collided with mine, before I could stop myself I'd bitten into her hand, the tender, soft flesh breaking easily under my razor sharp fangs. Too late, I realized what I had done, dropping her to the ground and realizing she was out cold.. I was torn, my mind told me to run, my heart needed to stay, to make sure Carlisle came, someone would help.

Come Carlisle did, in split seconds he was there, kneeling beside her tiny, broken body, looking from me to her and back again, "Oh, dear Bella. Edward, what have you done?" His voice wasn't angry, it was simply disappointed. I was speechless, dropping to the ground, my voice barely a whisper, "What can I do?" "You can go ahead to the house and call the others. They need to come home." Before I could pale at having to admit my own mistake to my brothers and sisters, let alone my mother, Carlisle snarled at me, "This is no time to feel sorry for yourself son. Make things right by helping her." As I began to run ahead of him, I thought I heard him say into the air around him, "And let's pray she hasn't lost it." Lost what? Her mind? The way I had carried on, it wouldn't surprise me if it was gone for good now. Jasper would.....well. I wasn't going to think about it, Alice was already calling on my cell. "Don't. Say. A. Word. We'll be home in a few hours." Her voice was neither cold nor warm, simply flat. I recognized it, she was protecting the others until they arrived.

I stood in the hall while Carlisle looked Bella over in her room, stunned when he called me in, "Edward? Come here. I need you to tell me everything you recall. It's important, every detail can help her." I wrung my hands, looking at the floor, my voice flat, emotionless, my chest full of pain as I realized what had played out. I dropped to my knees by the side of the bed, "She was trying to stop me Carlisle. I was going to attack those....people....and she....she jumped in front of me." "And you bit her?" "Yes." The answer came like a weight off my chest, and I realized that telling him everything really was the right thing to do. Running would solve nothing, "I hit her fairly hard Carlisle.....I think I might have punched her in the chest....or the stomach....I'm not sure." "Anything else Edward? Jasper and the others will be here soon, anything you can tell me now means you can hang your head later without question." I felt the sting of the subtly dealt blow, he was telling me if I helped now, I was free to run and hide. "Carlisle...can I help in any other way? That's really all I can recall." I didn't want to mention the sickening sound of her body colliding with mine, the feeling of her tiny chest hitting mine, the ribs I knew had snapped as we'd connected. He shook his head, "Just....get my bag. Get me a hot towel, and.......morphine."

As i left the room, I smelt a sickly, sweet, vaguely familiar smell, but ignored it. I heard Carlisle call to me as I reached his study, "Forget the towel. Get me some boiling water, some antiseptic and some anesthetic. And the morphine. For god's sake, hurry with the morphine." His voice grew soft, loving, "Isabella, dear, I'm sorry. Perhaps this is for the best.....I'll try to relieve the pain as soon as I can, Bella....oh my poor darling Isabella." He fell to his knees, he was there, praying silently as I returned with his things, the horror apparent in my voice, "Carlisle? Why is there....so much....oh god." I had to stop breathing, covering my mouth with the back of my hand. There, where Bella lay on the bed, pooling under her, was blood. Delicious in it's tempting scent, but somehow, repulsive to my heart. This was not a tiny little pool, as if she'd cut her arm, or her leg, this was a flood of it, tempting me at the same time it frightened me away. "Carlisle? Have I....oh my god. I've killed her." Carlisle looked at me then, injecting her with the anesthetic as he spoke, "Edward, you haven't killed her. She's losing blood, yes, but you'll need to get over that. If you can't stay here and help me, get out, and live with the fact that yes, you will have unless you lend a hand." He was angry, but the agony in his voice told me what I had already suspected on finding the scene I had. I finally figured for myself, Bella had been pregnant. "But...how could she be? Jasper's a...." "Now isn't the time for philosophizing Edward. Bella was pregnant, with Jasper's child. Unfortunately....." His voice broke and he simply stopped speaking. His thoughts were curt, polite but demanding. We worked in silence, simply communicating in thought when the need arose. It wasn't long before Carlisle had cleaned Bella up, stabilized her enough to wait for Jasper.

Jasper and Emmett burst in together, the anger coming off of Jasper hitting me like a brick, their thoughts so furious I couldn't make sense of them. I was completely unprepared for Rose's slap; when it hit my face it knocked me to my feet, and she stood on my stomach, staring me down, "WHAT.......DID YOU DO........TO MY SISTER.....YOU CUNT?" Even I was stunned by Rosalie's language, I knew she could tell, she leant down, into my face, "You're just lucky Jasper doesn't know it was your fault yet."

JPOV

In the bedroom, Carlisle was finishing re-dressing Bella, in a nightgown, and I could smell.....Blood? "Carlisle?" My voice wavered, and the sadness washing over me was enough, "Jasper.....the baby....I couldn't." I nodded once. "But is she?" " She needs you Jasper." "I'm here." "No...I don't....she was....." Carlisle ran his hand through his hair, "She was bitten Jasper. She got in the way of Edward....hunting." I let the fury rise a moment, and then pushed it away. It wasn't going to help her right now. I couldn't lose her. "What do I need to do?" Carlisle looked worried, the nervous dread seeping into the room made me growl, "For chrissakes Carlisle...what?" "You need to change her Jasper. I don't think she can wait much longer. I know how much she wanted it to be you....it's why I waited. She....I'm pretty sure she's aware of what's been happening, but she's pretty heavily dosed up on morphine now." I wrung my hands a few seconds before rushing to her side, before I knew what i was doing I had peeled the bedclothes back ever so little, slid her nightgown off of one shoulder, and sank my teeth into the soft flesh there. She was delicious, I allowed myself a moment to enjoy her wonderful taste before looking to Carlisle, "I think you've got a few minutes son. You'll be able to feel when she's close." One half of me was disgusted, the other.....strangely delighted. My Bella would finally be just that, MY Bella. I had created her, I would care for her, introduce her to her new life. We would share forever together, every moment forever. I had never loved her more than in that moment, when I felt her begin to slip from this world, and the words on her lips as they softly smiled were "Jasper."


	20. Youdid that?

A/N: Sorry for the cliffy!! Hopefully this is better than the most recent standard of writing. xoxo Tissues ahead......towards the end of the chapter.

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The guilt radiating from Edward was crippling at times, but I knew Bella would be mad if I blamed him. She wasn't dumb, she would have known that by jumping in his way, she was inviting injury. I struggled not to be angry at the both of them; he for not stopping himself, and Bella for...well....being Bella. Always having someone else's welfare above her own. My poor Bella, my life, had essentially sacrificed hers for....well. I didn't want to think bad things but, she could have picked someone other than Edward. Carlisle popped in and out during the days, and nights, while she changed. She was silent for three days, if Alice hadn't constantly reassured me that she had seen her come through this, and we were incredibly happy, I would have panicked. It had been hard to stop, but I had done it, the thought of being able to have My Bella forever with me was what had encouraged me.

The fourth day, I had been resting my head on her pillow, my eyes closed, when I heard the voice. Soft, her lips barely moving, "Jasper? I'm scared." I kissed her, whispering to her ear, "It's alright darlin'....you're almost through the worst of it. I love you." "I love you. Hold me. Please...." Her voice was so helpless, I did it immediately, climbed onto the bed and hugged her to me. I spoke to her, softly, explaining to her that we were all there, waiting for when she would be one of us completely, that Esme was beside herself and wanted to redecorate since I'd, ashamedly, ripped some of the wallpaper in frustration. Telling her that I was trying very hard to forgive Edward, because I knew she wanted me to. Rose refused to come see her, but Alice was a regular visitor to the room. along with Carlisle. Peter had called, wanting to visit, but I'd told him what was going on (although i had a fair guess he had known before calling), that we were limiting who she was exposed to until we knew how she'd react. I didn't want to overwhelm her, if she felt threatened or uneasy, who knew what might occur?

"Darlin'.....I know you can hear me cause I can feel you.....but....I really would like it if you'd join us soon." Her heart had all but ceased beating, and her temperature was going through the roof. Edward finally appeared, despite wanting to throw him into a fire, ripped into a thousand pieces, I said nothing. He slunk into the room, sitting in the corner until I looked at him, pity clear on my face, "You can come closer Edward. She sure ain't gon' return the favor." No, she wouldn't bite him. She might have some words for him though, My Bella. I sure did, when I could leave her side safely, I had plenty to "discuss" with Edward. When she began to moan, and her body began to shake a little, Edward closed his eyes, and I'm pretty damn sure he was praying. I know I was, Carlisle sat by me, Hell, we all were communicating with our own "supreme beings". The screams were the worst. In the last few hours of her heart beating, Bella's screams almost broke what was left of my own. Edward was sobbing as quietly as he could, when he looked me in the eye and apologized I understood. There was no need to make him feel guilty, he felt enough already. The slowing thud ceased completely, and we all waited, motionless and silent, for her to stir. Her change had happened incredibly quickly, leading us to wonder just how "newborn" she would be when she came to. We didn't have to wait long to find out.

I felt Bella's hand move in my own, and I smiled at her as she opened her eyes, "Hello Darlin'....welcome back." She snatched back her hand, crouching on the bed, afraid. Carlisle spoke softly, "Bella dear, you're alright. Things will seem very, sharp to you at first, there might be some noises you aren't sure of. You're at home dear, with all of us. Jasper's here to help you, the others are downstairs." She relaxed visibly, catching me by surprise when she flung herself into my arms, "Jasper! I love you!" She declared it with such vehemence I was surprised, "I love you too darlin'." She ran to the bathroom, looking in the mirror, "Jas? I look so....wow." I smiled, "Yes darlin'. You certainly do look, wow." She came back to me, and giggled, stopping midway to listen, "What was that?" "That was you darlin'....it was beautiful." She shook her head in disbelief, "No...really?" She giggled again, and the realization cause her to giggle again and again, before looking around, "Edward. I need to find him." He appeared in the doorway, "I owe you an apolo...." She giggled, "Nothing. You owe me nothing. You didn't mean to attack those hikers, I know. And you didn't, because I was in the way." Edward looked uncomfortable, "Love? Do you....remember anything else?" She shook her head, but I could tell she was trying to recall the details.

She sniffed the air, looking around, and then her hands flew to her stomach excitedly, looking from me to Carlisle and back again, "My baby! Where is it?" I said nothing, simply took her hand, sending her waves of calm, and then Carlisle spoke, his voice flat, "Isabella, dear.....you had a lot of injuries. You need to remember, you were human, throwing yourself in front of...." "It's dead?" There was no shock in her voice, just pure curiosity, "Carlisle?" Carlisle nodded, and she simply nodded in reply, "Oh." She turned to face me, hugged me, and then spoke, "Jasper? I'd like to go somewhere. I can't be here just now. I'm scared I'll.....well.....I might not be able to....."

She took an unnecessary breath,, "Edward, I'm quite afraid I'll kill you actually." She was very matter of fact, and the next statement made me smile, something I was quick to hide, "And I'd really rather not. I'd like for all of my family to be here, regardless of....what may have....occurred." The confusion she was feeling worried me. I couldn't tell if she was confused about her new self, or confused about just what had happened with Edward and the baby. "Bella....darlin'....we can talk about....." She was shaking her head, and I noticed then that she was crying, real tears. "No Jas.....I don't want to." She looked up, "Unless you do?" I kissed her, wiping her tears, "No darlin'......no." There was something odd going on with her, apart from the real tears on her cheeks. I wasn't convinced she understood about the baby yet.

After she'd explored the room, it was time to go downstairs. I could feel the apprehension flowing from them like a tidal wave. It was now or never.

BPOV

The last period was the hardest. I had done my best not to scream, or wriggle around, nothing that would make either of them feel like I was suffering. When I began to scream, it was because I could hold it in no longer, the pain and the burning had become so intense, I almost wished I would die.

When i opened my eyes, Jasper startled me, I instantly felt bad as I snatched my hand away, before I knew it i was crouched on the bed, looking around me. Jasper's familiar voice was soothing, "Hello Darlin'....welcome back." I smiled, listening to Carlisle. I went to the bathroom, I wanted to look.

There was something missing. I wasn't sure what, and then I remembered. A baby! I was carrying a baby. And I must have given birth......but where was it? I couldn't smell anything new, when Carlisle confirmed my fear, I suddenly felt the need to rip Edward limb from limb. "Jasper? I'd like to go somewhere. I can't be here just now. I'm scare....I'll, well...I might not be able to...." I took a breath, "Edward....I'm quite afraid I'll kill you actually." It was the truth, I was filled with so much rage and hurt that I wanted to lunge at him, make him feel my pain as well. I didn't though. That wasn't the right thing.

I realized I was crying. Real, wet, tears. I shouldn't be able to, but i said nothing about them. There were bigger things to worry about. The others were waiting downstairs, and I just knew if we didn't go down soon, Emmett was going to lose his basket, and come after Edward.

Esme was the first to greet me, simply offering her hand, seeming genuinely pleased and surprised when I hugged her to me. Then Emmett, Alice and Rose, who hugged me with such ferocity it almost hurt. "Rose.....I'm okay." She nodded, kissing my cheek, "I know. I was so afraid though." I smiled again, and then Emmett grinned, "Hungry yet smella?" I giggled, "Until you mentioned it? No. I'm starving now though."

JPOV

Out in the woods, I watched as she put together the lessons Edward had given her in tracking and Emmett's off hand instructions to take down a stag. My only purpose was to ease the guilt she was feeling, something I was caught doing when she had finished, "Jas? It's okay. I'm okay." I hugged her, and Emmett's bellowing laugh rang out around us, "Uh....Bella Smella? You might wanna learn to be less messy though. Alice is gonna flip her lid when she sees you." Bella looked down, and sighed, "Oh god. I'm going to be just as bad at this as I was at being a human, right?" She was smiling, but there was a little fear mixed in. "No darlin'....it comes with time. Did you miss the fact you haven't tripped yet? Not even running through the heavy woods with all those rocks and logs and low bushes?" She smiled, please with herself, "You're right."

Alice took her to change when we got back, Rosalie looking unimpressed, "She's going to have to know the truth sooner or later." I sighed, pointing to my ears, "You want to hope she doesn't figure the tuning in thing out for a while Rose." Rose flicked her hair at me, "You know it'll come....I just hope you're ready." She was right, eventually Bella would ask how she had come to be changed, how she had lost the baby. She knew, I think, that Edward had hurt her, but I didn't think she was aware his bite had condemned her to being changed right then and there. She certainly wasn't aware he'd injured her enough to cause a miscarriage. From her feelings, she thought it was something that had occurred during her change.

BPOV

It was.....different. The thirst in my throat was almost non-existent, once I'd gotten over the initial disgust at what I was doing, it was actually kind of pleasant. The warm blood trickling inside my now cold as stone body.

Back at the house, after Alice had scolded me for ruining my clothes, Jasper looked at me, "Bella darlin'? Are you alright?" I nodded, "It's just so....new Jasper. Not how I thought....." I hugged him again, and was filled with an incredible sense of lust. My voice was barely a whisper, "Jas?" He grinned wickedly, picking me up and carrying me outside into the woods.

When we got back to the house, my hair was full of twigs and my clothing was....well....not in the best repair. Alice frowned the second i got inside, "Another outfit Bella?" I smiled, "Don't dress me so nicely and it won't matter." "Stop running off to have sex in the woods and it won't matter." I giggled again, "Alice....shhh." Alice hugged me then, "I'm so sorry." Moments later, before I really knew what was happening, Edward had appeared, looking worn and haggard, "Bella....love....I'm so terribly sorry. I should have listened to you. I should have...." Alice shot him a warning look, "Edward, don't. Now isn't...." "Now IS the time Alice. Stop. This needs to be out in the open." I felt the fury rise in me, as I became more confused I became less in control, "Stop, both of you. Alice, I don't understand what you're sorry for, and Edward....I'm a little confused with you too. What do you need to say?" Alice looked at Jasper, something was passing between them that I didn't understand. They weren't speaking, it seemed they simply knew what the other was saying. I wasn't yet aware of how Edward's gift really worked, it seemed it didn't work on me, even in my new state.

"Hello? Sister, Best Friend, Wife? Waiting? Impatiently?" My voice was angry, it surprised even me, "Please. Just.....whatever it is, get it out. I don't like the tension." Jasper came to my side, "I agree. Hell, if we can't get everything out in the open here and now, we're just gonna keep havin' trouble keepin' it out of the way." I was getting more and more agitated, when suddenly Alice spoke, her head hung, "I'm going. I refuse to be a part of this. I'm very, very sorry Bella." I nodded to her, waiting.

Edward looked from Jasper to me and back again, "I really....can we sit outside please?" I was the first to go; we all arranged ourselves along the porch out back. Jasper and I sat on the love swing, Edward was perched against the railing. It was then I noticed Jasper had lit up a hand rolled cigarette, sending me a reassuring smile. I heard him and yet I could not see his lips move, "Darlin'....it helps me be. I love you." I looked at him, my eyes wide, but something told me not to mention it. Too late, my mouth had run ahead of me, "I didn't....you didn't....I just heard...."He nodded, and suddenly the focus had shifted, Edward was staring at us both, Jasper smiled, and again my head filled with his voice, "I knew this would be part of it. Peter was so certain you would hear me." I smiled back, "And you can hear me too, right? I love you." I flung my arms around him, and Edward snarled, "Sorry....I just....you can get inside her head?" He sounded hurt, "I can never, could never, will never....and you just....just like that? In there?" I stopped smiling, "sorry." My voice was barely above a whisper, and Jasper looked at me, "You have nothin' to be sorry for darlin'. It's part of your gift." I held his hand, "Edward....we can talk about this more later. Maybe there's something different you'll be able to be part of." He smiled a little, and then sighed, "Bella....love.....Jasper. I need to be honest about what happened in the woods." "I know Edward. You were mad, and I kind of pushed you too far, and you walked out. There were hikers, you were totally justified in going after them it was just that....." "Bella stop. I had no right to put you in that danger and I did it anyway. I knew you were following me. I knew you were coming, close behind, I could hear you and I chose to ignore you. I even heard you tell me I was scaring you and I kept going, I knew you would try and stop me and I still didn't switch off Bella. I let myself become the monster I'm so afraid of being, Bella....Love......and I hurt you. I could have killed you." His voice became eerily quiet, "I pretty much did." I didn't know what to say, Jasper was sending nothing. No fear, no anger, nothing. That meant he was furious. I looked at him, "Jas?" I was mindful to speak what i wanted to say, there was no need to infuriate Edward. "Edward....it wasn't your fault. I put myself in your path to stop you from hurting those people. I did that. I'm a big girl, I knew what I was doing."

Edward shook his head, slamming the railing before apologizing almost soundlessly, he knelt in front of me, his eyes suddenly staring into mine, "Bella...you don't understand. Yes, you thought you were stopping me from hurting those people, and for that....Isabella....you did such a brave thing! Bella....when I lunged at you, I wasn't trying to attack the hunters. It was you. Your scent was on the breeze and I just....I was already in the moment, I wanted to taste you and I couldn't stop. I didn't stop. I didn't try to stop. I wanted to attack YOU Bella......I had to." I sat, stunned. Jasper growled, his arm protectively wrapping around me, but i didn't miss a beat, "Jasper....wait. I want to hear the rest."

It took everything I had to stay calm. Somehow I knew, if i was to feel even one tiny piece of anger, or hurt, Jasper would lose his control, and it would be on for young and old. Edward began to look like he'd hoped I would refuse the rest, but began again, "Bella.....I attacked you. I bit into you, I hurt you, I purposely hurt you so it would be easier to feed from you. Bella.....I.....I didn't know you were.....the baby......if I'd known......I might not have......" He was shaking now, "I can't honestly say I would have been able to stop even if I had known." He shivered, his hand gently, gingerly touching my own, "Bella love.....I'll never be able to forgive myself. I took that from you, and I'm so very very sorry love." I simply sat, still. I was in shock. My baby....Edward had killed my baby.

I was hardly aware of Jasper standing, pushing Edward roughly off the porch, shoving him as he got to his feet, no sound other than their granite bodies against each other. Edward growled, but he didn't fight back, I watched in horror as Jasper slammed him repeatedly against the wall of the barn, then into the huge rock in the yard. I stood, shaking, as I saw Jasper rip Edward's arm free from his body. I was unable to speak, my hands to my mouth, Emmett and Carlisle coming outside.

Carlisle stopped beside me, Emmett went to the boys, holding Jasper back, "Jazz, bro. Stop it. He's not worth it. Bella will be upset. Do you want her to see this?" Jasper's arms dropped by his sides, Emmett handed Edward back his arm, Carlisle shepherded me inside the house. His voice was steady, calming, "Isabella dear? Come inside with me. The boys will fix Edward and then we can sit down together. Bella?" I nodded, numb, moving with measured steps, my mind still reeling from what I'd heard in Jasper's head. He had wanted to kill Edward, and instead of being disgusted.......I had wanted him to. Edward had taken my baby from me. Edward.....had taken my very soul, Edward was to blame for this horrendous event.

My legs gave way just as Carlisle turned and caught me, my stomach doing flips and my head suddenly light. I felt his arms hold me to him as he asked Esme to speak with me, I could hear her soft voice as I waited for Jasper. I waited, and waited, and waited some more, but he didn't come. I felt the sob break deep in my chest, flooding the pillow and Esme's hand as I let free everything I had bottled inside listening to Edward's confession. He had stolen my happiness, and I would never have that opportunity again. My baby was dead.

A/N: 5 pages! Longest chappy yet, and there's another following very very soon! I love you all, thanks for your amazing feedback, everyone. This was a hard chapter to write....the next few might be. It's getting easier though, so YAY! PS: When Em "handed" Eddy his "Arm", i died laughing. lol. Sad but true.


	21. Hope for me yet

A/N: I kind of feel like that was my lead balloon. But, I digress. soldiering on, I'ma try and keep you people entertained, give you laughs, tears, people to love and people to hate. Enjoy! (if you don't , please quit pm'ing me. If you don't have the balls to do it in front of everyone else, sod off and don't do it at all.) Short chappy this time, my A-game will return tomorrow night. (it's a mega chapter coming!! YAY!!)

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I sat, my hand in Esme's, and listened to her story. She had lost a child too, and while it wasn't quite the same, I knew she was trying to tell me it would be okay. It might have been, if I wasn't feeling overrun with emotion, it was almost like Jasper was projecting, though I knew he wasn't. "Esme?" I thought to her, she looked surprised but smiled, speaking out loud, "Dear? Your gift is......interesting." I smiled, "I can hear you reply as well. You're my second guest up here." I tapped my head softly, and she smoothed my hair, "Bella darling, let me get you a damp cloth." She returned instantly with a damp washcloth, wiping my face and looking pityingly at me, "Poor Isabella. Life hasn't been particularly kind to you of late, has it?" I shook my head, "Where's Jasper?" Esme smiled, "He's waiting downstairs darling. Would you like to see him now?" I nodded, feeling a sudden spike in the joy in the room, "Esme? Did that make you happy?" She smiled, looking at me like I was odd, "Yes dear, I suppose in a way it did. I'll send Jasper up."

When Jasper appeared, he pulled me into his lap on the window seat, smoothing my hair and looking down at my face, "My darlin'........I should have moved you away from here when I had the chance. I didn't want you to lose touch with anyone though....to lose Charlie completely. Darlin'...I'm sorry." I shook my head, "No.....I'm happy here. This would have......imagine if nobody else had been around and something had happened? If Carlisle hadn't come so quickly." I began to cry again, "I know why Alice made you go hunting." "You knew all along?" "No. I just figured it out. She knew you would fight Edward, and.....I think she knew the outcome. It can't have been good Jasper, why else take you away?" I began to shake, "Jasper....if you had been.....k..k...kil...." I bit my lip, looking up at him, just as Alice appeared. I felt her trepidation, and Jasper's continued nothingness. Alice stood, looking shamed, "Bella? I'm sorry Bella. I did ask Jasper hunting to avoid a fight, and I did know that.....you would lose the baby. I didn't know it would happen this way though and I didn't see Edward attack you that was last minute and we were too far away and I never would have gone if I'd known he was going to attack you Bella because we love you I love you your my best friend and my sister and I could never have lived with myself if something had happened and I......" Alice slowed then, looking me straight in the eye, "And I'm sorry. I didn't want to ruin your happiness before it was time for you to say goodbye. I'm sorry." I snarled then, "WILL YOU ALL STOP APOLOGISING? IT'S HAPPENED, NOTHING CAN CHANGE WHAT HAPPENED. NONE OF YOU CAN TAKE IT BACK, NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON CAN ALTER EDWARD'S ACTIONS OR MY OWN. STOP APOLOGISING, YOU'RE ALL DRIVING ME INSANE." I let Jasper pull me into his chest as I mumbled, "Not one of you can give me my baby back. Not one of you. And now I've lost Charlie as well, my one human memory I couldn't have borne losing. My baby is gone, and nothing will bring my baby back. Nothing. No more apologies."

JPOV

I watched My Bella fall apart in my arms, Alice's heart breaking as well, as she realized that Bella was right. It was time to stop apologizing, all we could do was hope to move on. I didn't think she was upset about losing Charlie so much as the fact she'd had no control, she hadn't been allowed to dictate the terms and timing of her change. I was happy, if that was possible, that she was grieving for the child she'd lost, it meant she hadn't completely left reality. I was also glad to know Alice hadn't known about the attack, and I supposed I could even understand her not wanting to tell Bella the bad news when she had been so excited. It would have been cruel, to make her worry about when and where the event would occur, what would make her lose the baby. Our baby.

I held her, and rocked her, eventually putting her into the shower, the water running only on hot, before dressing her in sweats and placing her under the covers. There was no reason she shouldn't be tucked up, safe, and kind of warm, in a house filled with family. Carlisle came up not long after I'd finished brushing her hair out, "Jasper? I think I've been hearing Bella's thoughts." I smiled, "I think it's one of her gifts." "Esme said she'd heard her as well, and you?" I nodded again, "Yeah." Bella spoke then, the interruption in her last two hours of silence a welcome surprise, "I can feel things too. Jasper, you've finally decided to let some emotions leak out, right now you're....you....OH. You love me." She smiled at me, and then at Carlisle, "And Carlisle...you're relieved and worried and curious." She looked at me for confirmation, and I grinned, "100% darlin'. Carlisle....is this part of her gift?" Carlisle smiled, "I think.....Bella's adopted parts of the gifts of the people who helped to......change her. Bella, can you 'speak' to everyone?" Bella nodded, "Well....I guess? Edward can't.....hear me, and I can't hear him. But....I've never been accessible to him so it's not so weird." Bella closed her eyes then, and Emmett called out from downstairs, "No way Bella Smella. I am NOT going to bring you take away deer. You do your own hunting." She smiled, "Works with Emmett. So I'd say everyone. Will these be my only gifts?" Carlisle shrugged, "Who knows Isabella? Quite often none of us knows our gifts until they find a use for themselves." Bella seemed pleased, "I like it." She sat up, "Carlisle? Why the hell are YOU feeling guilty? Please don't start apologizing too." She smiled softly, and I hugged her. Carlisle laughed, "No, Bella. I promise you, I won't say the words. I'm sure you already know I am."

BPOV

Three weeks passed quickly, I hardly saw Edward, mostly I just heard him, playing in his music room. Alice was awkward, but slowly becoming more at ease with both Jasper and myself, Emmett was more protective than ever and Rose was...well...Rose. She had been as excited as I about the impending birth, it had hurt her to know it wouldn't be happening. She spent a lot of time in those weeks being particularly nice to me, taking time out to just sit, brush my hair or go running with me.

I was beginning to figure out this being a vampire thing, but I didn't really expect to hear what Carlisle had to say when he found me one afternoon, reading in the sun. "Bella dear?" I looked up, smiling. I had taken to conversing in my family's head, to test my gift, I saw the grin on his face as I 'thought into' his head, "Carlisle. What's up?" He sat beside me, and played my new game, "Nothing much Bella. Jasper mentioned he wanted to take you to visit Charlotte and Peter and...well...Bella, would you like to visit Charlie when you get back?" I looked at him, "Are you insane?" My words came from my lips and it felt foreign, I'd avoided it for so many days now. He shook his head gently, his voice soft, "No Isabella. I think if you can survive the visit with Peter and Charlotte, without any events worth mention, then you could go and spend an hour or so with your father. Alice assures me she has contacts for you, and I'm sure she and Rose could help with any other physical appearance problems." I smiled, I wasn't sure. "Carlisle...what if I....I mean I haven't been...humans....."I ran my hand through my hair, and he smiled, "Bella, you'll be just fine. Peter and Charlotte hunt....well...they aren't like us in the way they feed. You know this. If you can stay with them and not be tempted at any point, I see no reason why you can't return and spend time with Charlie." I was overjoyed. I immediately broadcast to Jasper, "I want to go.", he in return smiled up at the window from the yard, nodding. I flung my arms around Carlisle, and kissed his cheek in thanks, "Carlisle....you're the best. Thankyou." This was the beginning of my new life, I could leave everything behind me if I could have Charlie. He was my rock, my anchor to my human existence, and I would never have been able to survive without him. I began to pack for our visit, the sooner we left the sooner we could return and I could see Charlie.


	22. Adjustments

A/N: Sorry i took so long guys. there was some...uh...upheaval at home, and it ate into my head. I had a couple days off work too, but i've sorted my sh*t now, and updates should come fast like they used to. xxoo

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Charlie! My mind kept turning and tumbling over the idea of seeing my father. I wondered if he would be able to hear me? I shook my head at myself, I couldn't share my gift with poor Charlie, he was a naive human, as simple about these things as it got. It wasn't my place to make him question anything. Poor Jasper, I think I nearly sent him around the bend with my thoughts and my emotions. I had learnt how to shield myself from the others thoughts, and vice versa, but I was yet to master being able to hide my own emotions from Jasper. I couldn't yet put up a brick wall like he could, closing me from what he felt.

Alice and Rose were patiently trying to teach me to put contacts in; despite the fact my eyes were far less red than at the start, Carlisle asserted himself and told me there would be no other way to see Charlie. Rose taught me to mess my hair carefully to create just enough of a "human" look to it, I'd almost managed to learn applying my own makeup to make myself look pink, and rosy and human for my father.

At night, when Jasper and I would lay out under the stars, or in bed, simply enjoying the comfort the other provided, the tiny tendrils of fear left me alone. It was later, in the early hours, when Jasper had slipped into his sleep like trance, or had gone with Emmett to track something to eat that they crept in....wrapping themselves around my fragile heart and mind, making me doubt my need to see Charlie. Making me doubt my ability to stay in control of my thirst......making me doubt that Charlie would still love me when he saw me.

I was in such a mood one morning when Jasper returned from hunting, he pulled me into his arms, kissed my head, and looked into my eyes, "Darlin'......I will be forever grateful to whoever decided to make it hard for you to hide what you're feelin'. Charlie will still love you sugar......How can he not? You're still the same, fabulous, beautiful, endearing creature you have always been. Charlie has been missing you darlin'....just like you've been missin' him."

I nodded, pressing my face into his chest, "Jasper.....what if he notices my eyes? My skin? What if i accidentally think something and he hears? What if I....I mean, I don't know a hundred per cent that I........I might.......if I bit him...." I shuddered at the thought, and Jasper smiled, smoothing my hair off my face and gently stroking my side, "Darlin'.....you won't bite him. If he notices your eyes he'll think it's allergies or a cold, he won't notice your skin......and Bella....honey, if Charlie, by some stroke of sheer luck, hears you in his head? I think he'll dismiss it and go right along. Charlie knows somethin' ain't quite right with us, I'm sure he has done for a long time. It won't bother him darlin', and it shouldn't bother you." I nodded, enjoying the peace that being in his arms brought me. "Jasper? I was so excited about....telling...him." "So was I darlin'....so was I." It had been the one consolation I'd have had to offer Charlie, a grandchild. I sat for a long time like that, simply letting my mind go blank.

JPOV

Charlie. Part of me was overjoyed that she had this visit to look forward to, but part of me dreaded exactly what she did. What if he was frightened by the change in Bella? What if he tried to "intervene"? What if....my skin tingled with dread....she Bit him? There was only so much we could do to limit the fallout. I simply sat with her, gently playing with her hair, until I felt her mind come completely to rest. I shared my feelings of calm, lethargy, she willingly accepted them and said nothing, simply closing her eyes and letting me slip her into something resembling sleep. I loved My Bella, I wanted her to be free.

BPOV

I opened my eyes, a few days later, to find Alice sitting nervously on the edge of the bed, "Alice....hi." She smiled, "Hi Bella. So....we only have a couple of hours, and Jasper said I had to help you get ready but.....I can't tell you anything else." I sighed, "Okay." I stood, dropping my nightgown to reveal my bra and panties, "Dress me at will." Alice clapped both hands together and didn't waste a moment.

I turned, looking into the mirror. Alice had done an okay job. Slim fitting jeans hugged my pert figure, a thermal tee under an old band tee of mine, topped with a soft cashmere hoodie. Instead of protesting, as usual, about the expense of the items, I enjoyed them. I looked....pretty.

I slipped my feet into the black boots Jasper had proudly bought for me, whipped my hair into a messy ponytail and sat down so Alice could make my face up. I'd leave the contacts until the last minute, they melted in the venom and it felt disgusting. They clouded my vision, and I didn't want anything else making me edgy around Charlie. I would be wound tightly enough.

"Wow....Bella Smella. You look.....amazing." I turned, and smiled, "Thanks Em." I grinned, "Tell anyone I kind of enjoyed this and die." He laughed, "Oh....I'm saving that little tidbit for a rainy day." "Em...? Is Jas around?" "I think he's with Carlisle in the barn, you want I can go get him for...." "Nah. I'll go out to them." I pulled on my jacket, hugged Alice and took myself outside. I felt ready to conquer the human realm again.

Jasper's lust spiked as I got closer, even Carlisle's attraction spiked a little, before settling right back into comfortable nothingness. I ignored his, instead making fun of Jasper, "I don't look that amazing all the time major?" he grinned, relaying a secret message in my mind, "You look so amazing right now I think we might not make our surprise. Darlin'....if Carlisle wasn't here right now I'd bend you over that bale over there and..." I cleared my throat, blushing. "So where are we going?" "Charlie." My eyes grew wide, "No...I need time to think, to plan. It's too soon Jasper.....Carlisle?" I looked to Carlisle for reassurance, but he simply smiled as he patted my shoulder, "Dear Bella......it's time." He walked away to the house, leaving me staring at Jasper, slack jawed. "Careful darlin'....wind'll change an' you'll stay that way." I shut it quickly, giggling, "Well....what're we waiting for?"

I was fine until we pulled into the drive, and then I began to shake. I clasped my hands tightly in my lap, closed my eyes, bit my lip. I accepted Jasper's offered calm, taking his hand as he opened my door, and led me up the steps. My hand shook so badly as I tried to knock that Jasper tucked it into his own, rapping sharply with the other. Charlie must have been hovering, the door flew open and before I could react he'd pulled me into his arms. I bit my lip as I fought the frightened snarl that tried to escape, and was suddenly glad Jasper was the one who had come with me. I could see it was a strain for him to keep me calm, but he was doing it. "OH Bells! I thought you were never coming."

I smiled, "Hi Charlie. Can we come inside?" He nodded, stepping aside but not letting go of my arm. "Bells.....if I'd have known you were coming I woulda got something to eat or...drink or....anything. Jasper, can I get you a beer?" Jasper nodded, following me into the living room to sit down. "Bells? You want something? A milk? Glass of water?" "No thanks Charlie. I'm good." As I finished calling out, Jasper smiled, thinking to me, "I'm proud of you." I smiled back, whispering barely audibly, "We only just got here."

It took an hour before I got sick of Charlie's attempted hidden stares, "Charlie? Do I have something on my face? Mud on my shirt?" He blushed then, embarrassed, "No....Bells, sorry. You just look so...different. Older but...still young. I can't quite place it. You're awful pale though Bells." I nodded, "I've been a bit....unwell lately. I'll be okay Dad, I live with a full time doctor." He laughed, "How is Carlisle? Been so darn busy at the station I haven't really had time to go up and visit with him at the hospital." Jasper smiled, "My father is very well, and sends his wishes. Esme asked if you'd like to come to dinner later in the week?"

And so, my first visit as a vampire to my human father's house passed in a non-eventful, peaceful, slightly ordinary manner.


	23. Recoonciliations

A/N: Told ya....faster updates :) .I know it isn't hugely long, but there's another one coming before I go to sleep, and then I have two on the edit tomorrow during lunch. :) 

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The day before Charlie was due to come to dinner, Jasper had gone out hunting with Emmett, Rose and Carlisle. Alice was off doing something secretive, and Esme was simply resting in the sunlight on the porch. I found myself standing in the doorway of Edward's music room, still not really sure why I was there. He didn't look up from his work, simply smiled, "Hello Love." I knew then that he was trying to prove he had battled the demons, I crossed my fingers superstitiously as I came further, sitting on the chair by the window. "Hey. Is this ever going to be finished?" I gestured to the huge stack of papers on the piano, already notated sheets of the same piece. "One day. It's....a hard story to write." 

Every one of his pieces, he referred to as a "story". The music was the illustration, the words, the shuttle to take you from reality into this new world. I had missed simply sitting and letting myself escape through his portals. 

"Edward, I wanted to talk to you about Charlie's visit." He stopped writing, sat up, and looked at me. "Bella.....I have no intention of causing trouble. In fact, I had planned to spend the night elsewhere." His words stung a little, "You have.....somewhere....else?" He smiled, "I had considered running to Denali. For something to do." "You don't need to Edward. Charlie....Charlie has accepted that you live here now. That we.....we're......that things are better now." He looked at me thoughtfully, "Are they Isabella?" I bit my lip, trying not to cry, and nodded. 

One day I would ask him what he had been thinking, why he had bitten me....but for now, it was enough that I had forgiven him his transgression and tried to move on. "Yes." My voice was barely above a whisper, he stood, coming towards me, stopping hesitantly a few feet away, "Bella......I can never....." He shook his head, and I nodded, "I know." He would never have the words to make a big enough apology, one so wide, and so wonderful it could assuage us both of our guilt. Mine at having placed myself as his temptation instead of the hikers, he for...well. Every single thing he'd done I supposed.

"Edward, really. It would....disappoint me if the whole family wasn't here." He looked at me, stunned, "But....I don't know. Charlie might...well....it was a little awkward last time love." It was then that I noticed his use of the affectionate "love" didn't bother me anymore. It was simply an endearment now, for a sister. I smiled, "It will be fine. Charlie doesn't know about.....anything." His eyes told me that had hurt him, and for a second I wished I could take it back. Then I thought about what he'd done, and I didn't feel anything about it at all. "So will you stay?" "If you'd like." "I want everyone to be here." He nodded, he had stopped trying to read into my words. We were rebuilding, slowly.

"Will you play some of this for me?" I stood, picking up his messy stack. He nodded, "Some. It doesn't flow quite properly yet. And....for a while I was too....moody for it to be pursued." I understood completely. His emotions would have taken over the piece, possibly ruined his initial intent for it. He took his place on the piano stool, and I sat gingerly on the edge, noticing his stare, "Edward.....I know it wasn't like you set out to make me lose the.....my baby." I bit my lip again, moving to lay on the big, flokati wool rug which lay under the piano. I closed my eyes, feeling the vibration through the floor, the notes loud above my head. I could almost imagine I was inside the piano, alone, away from everyone. I lay there for a long time after he finished, trying to settle my thoughts.

Jasper, when he came home, simply greeted me in my mind, letting me know he would be waiting when I was ready. It was almost midnight when I stood up and left that room, silently switching off the light and closing the door.


	24. Realisations

A/N: Woo! Reasonably fast update this time! I have no idea about the underline thing that happened last chapter, I've tried editing the file and uploading again but it keeps happening. It's kinda like the one where its all in bold. lol. I have no idea. This also comes into play with distances. It's fiction, and so my journey durations are also fictitious.

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I was so nervous before Charlie's arrival that Jasper banned me from the house, sending me out with Rosalie to do anything other than wind him up as well. It hadn't been pretty, Esme had broken three dishes, Carlisle had accidentally hit the post by the garage and Emmett was a nervous wreck picking at the rug as he played video games. I'd worn a pair of jeans already, just rubbing my palms on the thighs as i'd sat in the window, poor Jasper was pacing like a mad man. I needed to learn to control things when I was really tightly wound.

Rose took me into Port Angeles; it was a cloudy day, so we sat out at a cafe and people watched. I was so busy staring off into space I didn't notice Rose's hand on mine until she pinched me, "Ouch! What was that for?" "I was trying to talk to you. Is everything okay Bella?" I nodded, "Rose....I'm just nervous. I feel like I have to put this front on for Charlie....and make a good impression......it's hard." She laughed, "Bells....you don't have to. Charlie's a smart man, he'll figure it out eventually." "Why does everyone keep saying that? I don't want him to have to figure it out. The less he knows, the less harm will come to him." I bit my lip, I hadn't meant to say that, or for the words to be quite as vicious. "Rose....I'm sorry I didn't mean....." I shook my head, but Rosalie smiled, "It's okay Bella. I get it. You were in danger, you're right, the second you had an inkling about us. I promise you, we'll all look after Charlie like he was our own."

We bought some shoes together, and then I saw a bag in a store window and had to have it. It was the very first time anything had called to me that way, and I saw Rose's eyebrows raise, "Are you serious? It's not shoes or clothes, just an ugly tote bag? Bella....Alice and I didn't raise you like this." I giggled, dragging her across the road to the store, "Come on Rose. it's beautiful. I have to look."

The bag was soft leather, a satchel, it would be perfect for study or even just taking on trips with jasper. Caramel in color, it felt like cream in my hands, and the store owner smiled as she came over, "Like that Honey? It's vintage. We got a crate of Civil War stuff a week ago, isn't much left now. We got that along with some journals." She gestured to a table to my right, "They're over there honey. You might like to take a look, even if only for curiosity's sake."

Rose shrugged and followed me over, nudging me when she felt the surprise flow off me. There, in front of me was a journal looking suspiciously like Jasper's, at least, like the ones I'd seen on his shelves. I didn't care who it belonged to then, I just knew I had to have it. I picked up that one and the three beneath it, carrying them gingerly to the counter, along with the bag. The owner smiled as she looked up, "I knew you were the girl for those. You'll appreciate them, I couldn't bring myself to read them, it seemed too private, but you....You seem like the kinda girl the writer might have liked to share with." I shivered as I touched the books again, looking at the embossing on the satchel. Rose pinched me, hard, to change my focus as she saw it as well. There, plain as day, on the front of the bag were the initials, "JW", underneath an outline of Texas, and the all too familiar script I'd seen on everything he'd ever written. It read "Freedom".

I let Rose guide my hand, paying with the credit card and signing in a daze, she took my purchases and led me to her car. I remained silent all the way home.

Jasper took one look at me holding the package as I walked upstairs and I didn't have to ask him to follow; as I got to the door so did he. I shut it carefully, setting the package down on the bed, "Jasper." My voice was barely audible, even with our hearing, and he reached out to pull open the paper. He stepped back like he'd been bitten, before stepping forward and then looking incredulously at me, "Where did you? How.....Darlin' I....." He dropped to his knees, his hand smoothing over the beautiful leather, before his eyes came to rest on the journals. "Isabella....where did these come from?" His voice was flat, but I could tell from his emotions that it was a defensive thing. "A store in Port Angeles. I saw the bag in a window, and I wanted it for...well....I just had to ahve it. It called to me. I guess like shoes call to Rose and Alice." He smiled, a tiny smile, "And the journals?" "Same store. The woman actually seemed like she wanted me to take them, and after I set my eyes on them I had to have them too. They looked so much like yours...." I glanced at our bookshelves, one of which held a complete shelf of his journals, "I couldn't leave them there.....I just....I didn't want just anybody to pry into the writing."

His eyes glistened with tears he couldn't cry, and opened the top journal, "These belonged to Ashley. He was.....so young. He joined us after he lost his own unit....Bella....I gave him this bag to carry his books in when he went home. I never expected.....Oh My Bella. Such a kind heart. Ashley would have thanked you." I began to cry then, and he pulled me into his arms, stroking my hair, "Shhh....darlin'......don't get too worked up. I'm sure Ashley died long after the war. He was a strong bastard.....sorry." I clung to him, "Bella....Charlie will be here soon. Calm down." I nodded, and then he caught my chin with his thumb and forefinger, "Darlin'.....after Charlie goes I'll read to you some, alright?" I nodded, "You can have everything Jas......it's all yours."

He kissed me, wiping my tears, "Isabella Whitlock. Nothing would make me more proud than to see you with that darn bag after all these years. I only wish I had more to share with you from my human life." I looked at him them, really looked, and smiled softly, "What was it like? The war I mean." His eyes got darker, and he shrugged, blocking his emotions from me, "It was war darlin'.....any war is a tragedy." He turned then, busying himself with something on the table, and I took my cue, wandering down the hallway.

Charlie's visit passed almost uneventfully; when he was leaving he took a look at me alongside Jasper and Carlisle and shook his head, "I'd swear you were all those crazy vegetable freaks if I didn't know how much Bells liked meat. You're just all so darn pale." Carlisle didn't miss a beat, smiling, "I guess you could look at it that way. We do eat Charlie." Charlie nodded, running his hand through his hair and waving as he walked out to his car.

Jasper was missing when I was finished showering, my damp hair hung long down my back and I was keen to ask him for help brushing it out. Eventually I found him out on the porch, smoking a cigarette and reading one of the journals. I said nothing, simply sitting on the step below his, and began to brush out my hair. It didn't take him long to start talking, "Damnit Bella......when will humans learn? War is never going to be the answer." I stayed quiet, when he said nothing else, I turned to look at him, "Jasper? Why did you go to war?" He smiled at me, reflectively, and took a drag on his cigarette before resting it on his boot, "I wanted to see things. I wanted to look after my family. Bella....people were threatening our way of life, and in truth, even if I didn't really understand, I felt compelled to protect it." He shook his head, "Even though the stories drifted around, I thought I was invincible, just like every other young buck looking to leave their homes." He sighed, finishing his cigarette, and I smiled, "Is that when you started smoking?" He nodded, "I didn't pick it back up again though until I met Alice. It has no effect on me, but it calms me down, just the action."

I nodded, leaning my head on his knee, "Jasper.....I wish I knew what it was like then. Everything seems much simpler." He took the brush from me and began to brush out my hair, his voice soft on the evening breeze, "Darlin'....I wish I could take you back there. Things were far less confusing, people were more respectful. There was a sense of honor that just doesn't seem to exist now." I smiled, "Will you read to me?" Jasper nodded, his smooth, honeyed tones taking me back in time. I closed my eyes, imagining I was back in the late 1800s, watching Jasper wrestle with Emmett on the lawn. It seemed a happy time.

JPOV

She asked me so many questions, I didn't know where to begin. I didn't want her to understand how disgusting war was, how it could destroy your soul, but I wanted to give her what she wanted, I needed to talk to her. Bella was smart, she would know if I held off....would know if I wasn't giving her all the details. I knew she'd read a handful of my journals, and she'd had the first of Ashley's in her hands the night before when I'd decided to hunt.

I found her almost finished the third when I went to our room, and her eyes were full of tears, "Jasper! You were all so.....brave. And senseless! How could you all have gone running into enemy lines with no weapons? What the hell were you thinking?" She was mad, I pulled her into my arms, "Bella....please don't say I could have been killed. It wasn't long after that I was." I let a soft chuckle loose, and she stared at me, "You can laugh about that?" I shrugged, "Bella....it was...an awful long time ago Darlin'."

I kissed her, "Listen, I was thinkin'....Peter and Char have been hounding me to bring you to visit them. Would you like to go?" "Where are they?" "Texas. They have a ranch in the middle of...pretty much nowhere." "They eat.....people Jas." "They do, but they won't do it around you, and it's not something you can judge them on. They only take the weak or the criminal. They'd never take the life of someone who wasn't ready to go."

I felt her shudder in my arms, but she smiled, "I'd like that. When will we go?" "Tonight? If we drive all night and all day we can get there by tomorrow evening." She smiled, "Okay." Alice appeared in the doorway then, grinning, "I already knew you'd say yes. Your bags are packed and in the car, both of you. I already called Charlotte and let her know you'll arrive sometime after dark tomorrow night, she's making up your room Jazzy. She also asked if you'd pick up some fresh treats on your way?"

Bella blanched, and I laughed, "They're kiddin' darlin'. Char always asks me, it's just a joke." Bella looked at me incredulously, I could tell it would take her some time to get used to the feeding on humans idea. I wondered what she'd do when she put two and two together and realized I'd spent more than half my time feeding from humans?


	25. Getting to know you

A/N: Here's the fun part! Get ready for some wild times with our friends. :) And apologies that my writing is getting a bit laggy. My brain is muddled right now, I'm a bit all over the place with some stuff outside writing, and it's taking a lot to edit it out of my story. and....lemony goodness ahead. Just so you know. xx bmj

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Jasper refused to let me drive, he simply smiled at me, "Darlin'.....a man's place is behind the wheel. You just need to sit there and look pretty, you do that just fine." I knew he didn't mean any offense, but I felt my frustrations rise all the same. I'd long been afraid of someone, anyone, ever putting me into the "look pretty" box, what if this was.....Jasper snapped me back to reality, "Darlin'.....I don't think you should do that all the time. You're a strong young woman, it's what made me love you." I beamed. He definitely had a knack for fixing things.

"We can stay as long or as short a time as you like darlin'...Peter and Char will understand if you don't feel comfortable with them." I must have looked appalled at his phrase again, because he laughed, speeding up on the freeway, there was no traffic around, "Darlin'....I love you. You'll get used to them, eventually, but I don't want you to feel like you can't be uncomfortable. You've only ever been exposed to the way Carlisle does things. Peter and Char are a little bit....different." I was quiet, nodding before turning to watch the scenery flash past my window. Carlisle had been nice enough to lend his car, but soon, we would need to agree on one of our own. Jasper's bike was no good when we needed luggage.

I giggled when I looked at the clock next, and Jasper looked over at me, puzzled, "What?" "The time. We've been driving for almost 18 hours straight." "And?" I giggled again, "And.....I haven't been a vampire for long. It's funny. If I was human I'd be wrapped around a tree by now." Jasper laughed, "Darlin'....you're just full of surprises. I've never thought of it like that before. I guess it's true though." I smiled again, "How far are we?" "About two hours. Did you enjoy your book?" I nodded, kissing his cheek, "I'm nervous Jas."

We turned off the highway onto an unsealed road, I could see the weathervane of an old farmhouse through the tops of the trees as the sun was going down. I put my window down, poking my hand outside gingerly, the dim light making my skin shimmer just a little. I breathed in, the air was clear here, like home, but it was warm, smelt more earthy. As we pulled through the trees, into a clearing, the house became visible; a big, worn but lived in homestead, complete with love swing on the porch and truck in the driveway. Peter's legs were visible underneath it, I thought I could hear Charlotte inside the house, doing something with....was it sheets? I was beginning to learn how to differentiate between sounds, it was like a game for me. "It's beautiful." I thought to Jasper, who smiled and opened my door, "Welcome Home darlin'."

I looked at him, puzzled and he kissed me, "Peter and Char live on the land that belonged to my parents. It was an odd coincidence, Peter purchased it from a third owner who was no relation at all. When he did the title search about twenty years ago....." I smiled, "Everything finds its way back to you, have you noticed that?" He pulled me close to him, kissing me, "I hope you never have to find your way back.......you should never be apart from me." I nodded, startled from my romantic moment by a pair of strong hands picking me up, throwing me over a shoulder, "Bella! Come inside, Char's just making your bed up in the house." I looked helplessly at Jasper who was grinning, "Just go with it darlin'....I won't be far."

Peter put me down in front of Charlotte, who smiled sweetly and hugged me to her, "Hello sweetheart. We're so glad to see you. There's fresh towels in the bathroom, and I'll take you hunting if you need something." I felt my eyes widen, and she laughed, hugging me again, "Oh honey no. We have wildlife around here for you and Jasper. I know you're like them." She was nice when she spoke, but the look on her face said she didn't understand why we did it. I smiled, "Thankyou. That would be nice." I followed her as she showed me around their home, it was big, and beautiful and perfect.

I was surprised to learn, later, as we sat out on the porch and Charlotte braided my hair, that they had only built the house fifty years before. "It looks much older....outside I mean." Charlotte nodded, "It's meant to honey. We blend in....it's what we were aiming for." I nodded, that was smart. "And Jasper said....you only feed on.....""Weak and Criminal humans? He's right honey. Peter and I will only feed from someone who's already on the way out, or someone who truly doesn't deserve the life they've been given." I shuddered, and she stopped, her hands on my shoulders, "Isabella, we aren't monsters any more than you and Jasper are. We think the way the Cullens live....it's an amazing ability. We've tried it ourselves, but it just didn't....feel right. I'm sorry if that makes you feel uncomfortable." I shook my head, and then sent Charlotte a thought, "Thank you Charlotte....for making me feel so welcome." She looked a little startled, and then smiled, "I was wondering what your gift would be, but I didn't like to ask....just in case you didn't...well....." I smiled, and then sent her a wave of giddiness.

She looked around, "I thought Jasper went hunting with Peter?" I nodded, "He did." "I don't hear them....." She was still looking around, but suddenly her eyes settled back on my smug face, "That was you honey?" I nodded, "Yup. I inherited my gifts." She looked at me, "Inherited? Jasper changed you honey, right?" I nodded, "Jasper and.....Edward." She seemed shocked, "Edward as well? I don't understand, I just assumed Jasper had changed you." Oh. Charlotte didn't know, obviously. Uh oh. It was out of the bag now, "Mmm.....there was.....an incident. Edward bit me....Jasper changed me." I smiled, "Still, I got the better deal. I have two gifts." Charlotte smiled, "I suppose you did. I wonder if you'll have a third, all your own?" I shrugged, "Carlisle seems to think so, eventually, but nothing's showing up yet." Charlotte patted my head, "All done honey. Would you like to take a walk?" stood up, the boys would be a long time yet. "Sounds nice."

That was how I came to know Charlotte like a sister, as she shared her story with me. She spoke of war with the same disdain and repulsion Jasper did, but she spoke more freely to me about it also. There was nothing she wouldn't answer, no question I couldn't ask, until I asked her y final question, "Char? What was Jasper like during the vampire wars?" She froze, closed her eyes and then opened them as she looked at me, her voice soft, "That's for Jasper to speak about, if he chooses." Her voice made me feel cold, afraid, and I simply nodded, following her back to the house.

JPOV

Bella and my other family were becoming firm friends, she and Charlotte took long walks in the evenings, and I sensed a weight lifted from My Bella. Perhaps it was fortuitous that she had another woman to speak with, who wasn't part of her everyday family. Even Peter took her under his wing, showing her his collection of vintage trains, set up in the storm cellar, a place Charlotte refused to enter, "As old as we are, I find it ridiculous that he still has those damn things to play with. Lord knows, I left my dolls behind in New Mexico."

He let her help when he had to fix the ride on lawnmower, and even took her into town to look around on a cloudy day.

That was the day Charlotte cornered me, while I smoked sitting on the edge of the porch, "Jasper? How much have you told Isabella about the wars?" I shook my head, "Not much. We talked, a long time ago, but I may have skimped on the details for her sake." "She asked me what you were like." "When? When I first came to live with you guys?" I smiled, taking a long drag, and she shook her head, "No. When you were 'The God of War'". My smile was short-lived, "Did you tell her anything?"

Charlotte looked hurt, "Jasper....you know I would never discuss something so personal. I just....she seems like it's haunting her a little. Why?" I shrugged, "Dunno. Honestly, no idea." "Well...Jasper.....you need to talk to her. Something must be making her wonder." I looked incredulously at Charlotte, "Char? Are you seriously telling me what to do? With my own wife?" Charlotte was annoyed, "I'm simply saying you need to address the issue. You know her better than anyone Jasper. What would drive her to be so obsessed about finding out?" I knew I should back down, that she meant well, but I stood, furious, "If i'd wanted a lecture I would have stayed with the Cullens. I didn't come here to listen to you two tell me how to live." "Jasper I simply.......Jasper...come back here. Don't go to bed angry Jasper.....please." I was already off and into the darkness of the trees before she'd finished speaking.

I found Bella in bed when I returned, "Hi darlin'." She smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes, "Hi. Have a nice walk?" Great. Charlotte had told her I'd stormed out. "I did. It was a chance to clear my head." She looked worried, "Everything okay?" I nodded, climbing in beside her, "It's all fine darlin'." She nestled into my neck, kissing me softly, making me moan, "Ohh...darlin'......you really shouldn't tease a man like...ahhh...." She grinned, a wicked glint in her eye, "Who said I was teasing? I intend to make good." She carefully reached into my boxers, taking my cock in her hands, stroking it softly, slowly, her lips trailing their way across my chest, "And I expect you to be a willing participant." In seconds I had her on her back, clothes torn and on the floor, kissing her breasts hungrily, "Isabella.....you'll be the death of me." She giggled, "I can only hope it's that good."

I let my hands roam her slender body, as I trailed across her stomach and her thighs she raised her hips, grinding softly against my hand, "Mmmm......Jas....." I slipped a finger gently inside her, but it wasn't long before her desperation and mine became intense. Her hands were trying to push my throbbing penis inside her, it was all I could do not to slam her onto me as I picked her up, carrying her to the chair by the window, and teasingly held her just above my hardness, "Tell me what you want Bella." I taunted her with a husky whisper, her eyes were dark with desire, her breath dripping with lust, "You....Major. I want you." I teased her a little more, until she leant forward, biting my chest softly, "Major....i think you're abusing your power a little." She winked at me, and I pushed her down my shaft, she moaned loudly in delight, "Ohhh....God....Jasper.......yesss...."

I kissed her, my hands getting tangled in her hair as she gyrated on me, her beautiful body twisting and thrusting on top of me, sending shivers of ecstasy through my body. I pulled her close to me, nibbling her neck, "Isabella....Come for me." She shook her head, and looked me dead in the eye. It was the sexiest thing she had ever done, and it took all my concentration not to come inside her right then, "No." She wrapped her tiny arms around my shoulders, leaning in, her voice soft and breathy in my ear, "Come _with_ me." She continued to ride me, her body arched back in pleasure, I lifted her up and held her while we made love standing, her moans coming faster, louder, "Oh....Jasper....god, oh yes....Fuck me.....you know how to fuck me....make me come......Oh my god........yesss....." My words were thick, desire dripping from my own lips, "You want me to come for you darlin'? Are you ready to come for me?" She nodded, burying her face in my neck, but I took her hair gently in my hand, pulling her back so she was looking at me, "I want to see you." She nodded, her eyes desperate, she was so close to release.

I felt her shudder, then tremble, and an almighty growl escaped her lips as she came, I back us up to the bed as I let myself spill inside her, "ohh.....God, Bella darlin'......Amazing........Oh......I love you." She let herself come to rest on top of me as we settled on the bed, and played gently with the curls near my neck, "I love you too Jasper. You have no idea how much." I kissed her forehead, pulling the quilt up over us, "I think you gave me the general idea." She giggled lazily, enjoying the moment, "Jasper? Thankyou." "For what darlin'?" "Sharing this with me....all of this. You're never afraid to share yourself with me." I should have picked up on the hint just then, but I was happily wrapped in My Bella at that moment, my brain was secondary.


	26. Sombre Revelations

A/N: Sorry for the delay! My brain just clean froze up on me (it may be partially to blame on the arrival of my new boots from sheplers.....they are rather lovely.....) I kinda feel like the story either needs to come to a conclusion or it needs to start anew with a "new" story. let me know your thoughts. I made my own version of Jasper's past up, using what we know (from the books), and what I figure I would done with him. If you don't like it, don't read it. xx

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I lay across Jasper's lap, soaking up the warmth of the sun together. His foot was propped on the porch rail, the other resting effortlessly atop. He'd not lot finished smoking a cigarette, the heady smoke of the "own" rolled pleasure still lingering around us. A hand played loosely in my tumbled curls, my own arms extended above my head, resting on his chest. Jasper's hat was tipped low, to shield his eyes, but I could still see them to look into, curious, "Jasper? You know....last night...when I said I was glad you were never afraid to share yourself with me? I meant it. I love that there are never any secrets." He smiled at me, touching my cheek softly, "Yes Darlin'....I'm glad we have no secrets also."

JPOV

Sitting in the sun, with My Bella draped across me languidly, was possibly one of the highlights of my life. In all my years, I'd never felt anything as comfortable, as warm, as inviting and delicious as Bella's presence. I should have known she was up to something when she opened her mouth to speak, the night before reference should have tipped me off, "Jasper? You know....last night...when I said I was glad you were never afraid to share yourself with me? I meant it. I love that there are never any secrets." I smiled at My Bella, brushing her cheek with my hand, "Yes Darlin'....I'm glad we have no secrets also." I should have been prepared, but the next question was out of the blue, even though realization dawned as she completed her question. How the hell was I going to get out of this?

BPOV

"Well...Jas....during the war....what were you like? I mean....I know in your human army you were the youngest major, right? Or one of.....but in the southern wars....the vampires. How come Peter called you The God of War?" Fear shot through him, and reluctance, and he sighed. "Bella...darlin'....it's not something I like to reminisce about." I looked at him, sad, "Jasper.....I know, war is horrible, all of you have given me enough information to frighten me away from it forever, but.....you know everything about me, Everything Jasper. Right down to how I wrote 'Fuck' on Renee's car once, I was so mad about what she did to Charlie. You know how I got the scar on my nose, and the one on my leg from climbing out my window. I know...."

I took a breath, my eyes welling with tears I wasn't ready to shed, "I know so little about you. I know how you got your scars, but I know nothing about the man who got them. Nothing about the days when you ruled the world, you were a king among men, as far as it went. And nobody will tell me, they all tell me I have to ask you. So....here I am. Asking. Jasper....please. I just want to know about you, I want to really, truthfully know you." I flipped my hands over my face in a half-assed attempt to hide my tears, and bit my lip. I wanted so badly to know this deep, dark secret of my husband's. I felt it would answer so many questions in my mind.

JPOV

She looked up at me when she'd finished, her eyes brimming with tears, and covered her face. I knew, without having to look another time, that she would be biting her lip, and her slender fingers would already be brushing at the few escapee tears she hadn't been able to stop. "I want to protect you from the evil darlin'.....I was.....I was a wicked, evil, heartless.......creature then. I don't ever want you to know that version of me." Her voice was in my head then, "Jasper....I know you aren't the same now as you were then. I love you." I sighed, running my hand through my hair before righting her, sitting her on my knee as I wiped away her tears, "Isabella Marie Whitlock, sometimes you just don't know when to give up."

She looked at me, her eyes pleading, and I shook my head, "But I suppose you deserve to hear. I have one simple rule." She looked at me, I felt her intrigue spike, her apprehension. "If , or when, I say you've heard enough, that's enough. There are some things Bella.....My beautiful, innocent, precious Bella, that I refuse to burden your sweet head, or heart, with darlin'. It wouldn't just damage you.......if I were to do that." She nodded, her voice soft in my head again, "I promise as long as you tell the truth. I trust you to." I held her to my chest; and like a small child listening to a story in the crisp, deep heat of the south, Bella sat, ears and mind at the ready. I'd never felt more difficulty forming words, but eventually they tumbled free.

"When I was changed Bella, I was put to work by Maria. You already know about that part." She nodded, her big, wide eyes were so trusting. Even if I had wanted to, there could be no lies. "Bella.....I trained those newborns. I created a hell of a lot as well. It's not something I'm real proud of darlin'....but you have to understand, I was new to this. I didn't really have a grasp on right or wrong. Everything I'd known was gone, so I trusted in my maker. I created Peter......." She looked at me, "What? No.....really?" I nodded, "Which is why it's interesting you got my gift and he didn't. Back to my story darlin'......we trained them to the point of insanity. They were battle machines, trained to be expendable." She bit her lip, and I knew she was thinking of the high cost, in lives.

"Darlin'.....I'm not proud of it. It was blind, and senseless, and.....given time over, I might have walked away. But....I was just as ruthless. I chose to battle as if every meeting was my last, that I should go with Victory under my belt. I created those monsters Bella, I led those monsters into battle, I emerged, victorious, even as they fell around me." She had snuggled in closer, and I tried to guard my thoughts better. No need for her to hear the things I was unable to say, found impossible to put into words, but by the time I looked down at her again, I knew, from her face, that she'd already seen some of the horrific images I'd had in my own mind.

The scores of bodies littering the battlefields, the smoking pyres, body parts strewn amongst the tatters of weapons and clothing. The women, and children, Oh God. The women and children. I felt her horror rise, and then nothing as she tried to block from me what she had felt, what she had seen, courtesy of my lack of control. I closed my eyes a moment, before reopening them, "Bella....Peter was there, with me. I got the nickname in a particularly ruthless battle, wherein he and I were the only ones to survive. Maria was furious, but so was I. I believe, it was the only time I've ever raised my voice to a woman." I bit my lip, my voice softer now, "Or my hand." Bella kissed my neck, "Jasper, that was then. I know you would never do such a thing now. I trust you, I love you." I nodded, "And that's how I got the nickname." She sat up, "Jasper....ugh." She rolled her eyes, frustrated, I could feel it. "I just.....Thank you, I guess....but.....I want to know more. I want to know why that was a good name. I can guess, and I can make things up, but I'll never actually....." Just then Peter appeared, a half smile on his face, "Isabella? I think perhaps Jasper needs some time. There are several of his journals in which I can personally attest to his moaning and bitching about the nickname he, at the time, secretly enjoyed having. Maybe you could....read it?"

BPOV

Peter was essentially telling me to back the fuck down. I didn't want to, I wanted to hear, from Jasper. I was smart enough to realize though that I needed to let it rest. If Jasper chose to tell me more as time passed, I would be pleased, and my curiosity would be better sated. In the meantime, Peter was right. Jasper had his journals, and I had never once been asked not to intrude by reading them.

I took his hand in my own, kissing his palm, stroking his scarred forearm. "Jasper....you never need to protect me from your demons. Never. I'm here to help you tame them. Just like you help with mine." His eyes glistened, the tears he would never be able to cry simply making them glassy. "Bella.....I've done an awful lot of things I'm not proud of. If I was a godfearin' human, I'd be goin' straight to hell." "But you aren't. You're a repentant person....a good heart. If God is out there, and I'm with Carlisle on this one, there must be, then you are on his good list, not his hellfire and damnation roll."

I pulled him to me as Peter left us, sending him wave after wave of love, and reassurance, my thoughts reminding him how far he had come, how much he had achieved by simply making the decision to live a better life. We sat like that, in the sunshine, until it was high over the house, then, even longer still, until the evening came upon us. I knew then that as lovely as our visit had been, we needed to get back.

"Jas? Can we go home in the morning please?" He said nothing, simply nodding, picking me up in his arms and carrying me to the bedroom, stripping us both before laying with his head on my chest, my hands in his hair, and filled the room with a strange mix of pride and discontent. I had been wrong to push him as I had, some of the images I'd caught from his mind had been terrifying, and I was suddenly, unusually, glad I was unable to sleep or truly dream. I made the best effort I could to fill him with comfort and love, and adoration, admiration, appreciation. I was proud of him, I loved him, he was my husband and I wanted to scream it from the rooftops. I settled for broadcasting it between only us, my voice tender and loving inside his mind, "Jasper Whitlock, I love you. I'm proud you had the strength to walk away like you did, and I'm honored you would share what you have today." My voice broke as I spoke aloud, "I love you." He thought the same to me, and spent the night feeling absolutely nothing, thinking absolutely nothing, wrapped in my arms. I couldn't help but note the irony of the reversed roles.


	27. The Call

A/N: I feel like I'm always apologizing for taking too long, but meh. I know you guys don't really mind :) (it's not cause I'm lazy either, I just have a megaload of crud in my life just now tying my free time up). Anyway, without further ado....enjoy my tragic writing :) xx

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The drive home was quiet, we sang along to a country station a few times, shared a few laughs, but there was definitely a thick, heaviness to the air between us. When we stopped to hunt, I let Jasper run ahead, doubling back and pulling out my cell phone. It hit me as i dialed, this was the first time I had hidden anything from him, and it made my skin prickle. Especially the person I was about to speak to.....I felt like I was betraying everything we stood for by doing it, but I needed some honest advice.

It was picked up on the first ring, "Isabella? What's wrong?" I sighed, "Nothing...well...maybe something. I don't know. Jasper just.....I...." I bit my lip and went silent, "Bella? Did he do something to you? Have you done something? Do you need me to come there?" "No....I just....I think I've hurt him." My voice was little, childish. I desperately hoped he would help, or at least know what I could do to right things. "Did you fight with him?" "Not exactly. I asked him to tell me....about....." "The wars?" "Yes." "Bella....you've heard the stories. What was so different?" "I wanted.....I pushed for too much information." "Bella....love....he tells you only what you need to know to save you from the horror of it all. I would do the same." He was thoughtful a moment, "I probably wouldn't have told you any of it actually." I felt the tears coming, bit my lip, "Don't cry Bella....please. It can't be so bad." "Oh....I think I've broken things."

"Have you talked to Carlisle?" "I'm too ashamed. And you seem to understand him so well........" I could hear his hand run through his messy hair, "Bella.....we can talk when you come home but......I think you don't need to worry." I sighed, my heart feeling like it would break if it could, "He's coming back." "Alright love. I'll see you when you both get here. It'll be fine." I sighed, "I hope you're right Edward." I hung up then, narrowly sliding the phone into my pocket as Jasper appeared, "Darlin'? Everything okay? It felt like you were really sad." I nodded, "I'm okay. Just a stupid moment. I'm okay." He kissed my forehead, hugging me, "I hope so. I never want anything to happen to you darlin'." There was still something in the way, I could feel it. He loved me, that was obvious, but there was another feeling, something I couldn't quite place. I hoped he couldn't tell I was keeping my call from him.

EPOV

I was busy staring out my window, listening to a new recording when my cell rang. I answered almost as it rang, it was Bella. She was still, as far as I knew, angry with me, at the very least, disappointed. Which meant she could only be ringing because there was a problem, or she was in trouble, "Isabella? What's wrong?" I tried to keep all the terrible things that could have happened from my mind, and she sighed, "Nothing....well...maybe something. I don't know. jasper just...I..." She went silent, "Bella? Did he do something to you? Have you done something? Do you need me to come up there?" I could hear her shaking her head, "No....I just....I think I've hurt him." Her voice was small, like a frightened child, and something told me this was something I needed to take seriously. No joking around, no silly snide remarks.

"Did you fight with him?" Her voice was still small, "Not exactly. I asked him to tell me.....about....." I interrupted her, only one thing could get him so riled, "The wars?" "Yes" "Bella, you've heard the stories, what was so different?" She was scared, it rattled through her voice like a cold breeze in an abandoned house, that apprehension you felt before you know whatever it was that scared you most was about to appear, "I wanted....I pushed for too much information". I shook my head, she would never just let us....look after her. "Bella....love...he tells you only what you need to know to save you from the horror of it all. I would do the same." My breath caught, and I bit my lip, "I probably wouldn't have told you any of it actually." She began to cry, I could hear the hitch in her breath and the sound of the first few drips hitting her handset, "Don't cry Bella....please. It can't be so bad." "Oh....I think I've broken things."

"Have you talked to Carlisle?" She sighed, "No, I'm....I'm too ashamed. And you seem to understand him so well...." I ran my hand through my hair, all I wanted more than anything was to pull her into my arms and comfort her, but that wasn't appropriate, and I knew it. "Bella....we can talk when you come home but....I don't think you need to worry." I hoped my words would be true, that everything would work out. She sighed then, and it was almost as if I could hear her heart break, "He's coming back." "Alright Love. I'll see you when you both get here. It'll be fine" She sighed, "I hope you're right Edward." Then she was gone. I ran my hand through my hair again as I stared out the window into the sky. My opportunity to destroy him had arrived, and yet I would let it pass. I couldn't hurt Bella like that, it just felt too wicked. I stood, and did the only thing I knew might help, I went to speak to my father.

BPOV

When we arrived at the house, Carlisle was unusually hovering around the kitchen, where we stopped to put our things down. I sent him a thought, "Please...if you know, don't bring it up." Carlisle responded with an almost imperceptible nod, Rosalie appearing with a bright smile, "Hey guys, Bella...you wanna come hunting with us?" She motioned between she and Carlisle, and I nodded, "Sure. Jas? Hungry?" He shook his head, "No thank darlin'. I think I'm just going to put our things away, see you upstairs?" I nodded, he kissed my cheek and left. Rose was staring at me, trying to get something....Oh. "What?" I thought at her, annoyed, "Bout time. You know I can't just intrude right? I have to wait for you to initiate." Her voice in my head was just as icy as it would have been out loud, and prompted the same reaction. It took a split second for Jasper to return, "Darlin'? Rose? Are you playin' nice now?" We both nodded, and he looked at me questioningly, he was confused. I smiled, thinking to him, "It's fine, really. I love you." He nodded, smiling but not returning the sentiment. It was the first time he had never said it back to me.

I was distracted as we ran through the woods, not even noticing when Rosalie dropped back, leaving me with Carlisle, until he reached out to me, his hand gentle on my arm, "Isabella? We can stop here. We're a long way from anything." I nodded, "Carlisle....did Edward.....?" He nodded, "And he wants to help you dear but....he thought perhaps it wise to stay clear as much as he could, so as not to cause any trouble with you and Jasper." I looked at him, dubious, and Carlisle smiled, "Bella, I know my son hasn't always acted with the best of intentions toward either of you in recent years but this time, he really wants you to repair things." Carlisle looked thoughtful, "I think he's realized dear. He knows he needs to do what he can if he wants both of you in his life......if he wants to be a part of our family." I sighed, leaning against the tree beside me, "I don't know what to do Carlisle........I think maybe I ruined things well enough on my own, no help required from Edward."

Carlisle sat on a fallen tree, gesturing for me to join him, "Dear Bella.....you may have cause some strain, but that can be repaired. I highly doubt something like this is big enough to split you apart. Jasper loves you very much, and I know you love him equally." I half smiled, "You have to forgive me, I didn't have the best example growing up. Usually....Renee's boyfriends lasted until their first disagreement." "But she's married now.....Phil is a nice guy?" I nodded, "Yeah, she could do worse." I smiled, "I love him so much Carlisle, I can feel what I've done to him.....literally. It hurts." I gestured to my chest, and Carlisle patted my hand, "Isabella.....in all the years Esme and I have been together, do you think we've not had any disagreements? Not a single argument or difference of opinion?" I shrugged, "You seem so perfect, both of you. I guess I figured......I don't know." "Bella.....Jasper's time in the wars was difficult for him, once he realized what he was doing. In essence, he was creating life only to destroy it. For convenience, until they were no longer needed if you will. They murdered both human and our kind, men, women and children; the young and the old. I'm almost certain, that it may have been for sport at times." Even Carlisle grimaced at the thought of this, even when he'd been with the Volturi it had been somewhat civilized, excepting the feeding on humans.

"Bella, If you didn't know Jasper, what would you think of that?" Too late, I tried to hide the disgust on my face, and he nodded, "Exactly. He would be a murderer, not worth his own life in your mind. But now imagine it was Jasper. With everything you know now, how would you feel?" "I wouldn't feel much. I mean, it still upsets me, but......I know he wishes he could change that time, that he isn't proud of what he had to do." "And why do you think Jasper might have wanted to hide that from you now Isabella?" His words were a question, not a jab, but I still felt the pang of guilt and anger, at myself, for having pushed for the answers. I should have known that he wasn't hiding things from me, except to save me from the horrific truth. He patted my hand again, "Bella.....we all have things we haven't been completely forthcoming with. Sometimes, it's not for good reasons but.....Jasper....I think you understand." I nodded, subdued. Part of me wanted to run back to the house and throw myself at his feet, apologizing; the other was busy second guessing if perhaps I wasn't deserving of Jasper, if I should not have married him. Perhaps he would be better without me? Carlisle put his arm across my shoulders then, his hand gently rubbing circles on my back, "Isabella, I can hear you. That's not in your head." I blushed, and began to cry. I shook my head, laughing a little, "Carlisle.....why am I so damn emotional?" He laughed as well, "Bella, we should be so lucky."

Back at the house, I could tell by the noises Rosalie had gone back to Emmett. Edward was in the kitchen, I could hear Jasper reading in our room. There was a gentle hum from his iPod, he was trying to relax. Edward's eyes said it all, and I simply nodded. As i passed him he took my hand, I gave him a moment to hold it and then continued walking. I had some apologizing to do, and I needed to do it before I lost my nerve.

JPOV

I felt her before I heard her, the apprehension, trepidation. Something had made her nervous about returning home. I didn't feel anything that indicated she'd hunted something other than an animal, and as she moved through the kitchen I felt an odd combination of gratitude and annoyance. "Darlin'?" I called to her, just as she appeared in the doorway. She came to the bed, knelt down and lay her head beside me, "Jasper.....I owe you the biggest apology I can come up with, and then probably more. I should never have pushed, I should never have been such a brat about knowing things you chose not to share with me. I understand why now.....I honestly do, and I'm so sorry. Please don't leave me." I pulled her onto the bed with me, and wiped her tearstained cheeks, "Darlin'.......where did all this come from sugar? I'm not angry with you." "You're not?" Her eyes were wide, her voice like a child's, making me feel incredibly guilty, "No sugar.....I was mad with myself. I should have been honest with you....if not to tell you everything, then at least about why I wasn't willing." She curled into my arms, "Jasper.....i was afraid that....maybe....I'd.....uhnmmm....." I stroked her hair, "Darlin'? I don't speak mumble."

She sighed, "I was afraid you would...maybe we would.....that it might all be over." I sat up then, catching her as she fell away from me, and holding her so i could look her straight in the eye, my voice serious, "Isabella Marie Whitlock. You thought this...us....would be over? Over something like this? Isabella......would you give me up so easily?" She looked afraid, shaking her head, her eyes filled with tears I knew she was doing her best not to shed, "No....I was.....I was afraid you might." I was angry. Furious wouldn't cover it. How could she think I felt so little for her, that I would throw her away at the first disagreement? "Bella!" I stood up, setting her down on the bed, I had to move. Pacing the floor in front of her, I eventually dropped to my knees right there, my hands on her knees, "Bella....Darlin'....do you think so little of me?" She shook her head, I could feel already, she regretted being so open with me. I needed to back off, I was scaring her. I shook my own head, "Bella......I love you. I made you my wife, you're a part of me. That means nothing will tear us apart. Let no man put asunder, it means exactly what it says. Nothing Bella.....nothing. And most certainly not some petty little idiot thing I've done."

She had given up trying to hide her tears, and I rested my head on her lap, "Oh darlin'......is that why you were so upset in the woods on the way home?" I looked up when she didn't answer, and she bit her lip, "I made a phone call." "I thought you might have. Did Carlisle help at all?" She squirmed, and began to cry harder, "I ......I.....I'm sorry. I called Edward." I looked at her, at first I was stunned, but it made sense. He was my brother. She would have been too proud to approach Carlisle....but Edward....he was approachable. She knew him. Knew how he might react. "Oh." I tried to be calm, "Darlin'....you did what you thought was best, I'm sure." I had to swallow my pride, she obviously thought he would help. "How did Carlisle know to take you out then?" She looked surprised, "You knew?" I smiled, kissing her hands, "I did. When Rose returned without either of you, I assumed he'd pulled you aside. Did it help?" She nodded, "Edward told him. And....it made me realize I was jumping the gun a little." I smiled, climbing back onto the bed with her, "A little? Darlin'....you had my heart damn near in my mouth since we left the woods this afternoon. I was sure you wouldn't come home with them this evening." She buried her head in my chest, and we lay like that until the sun came up.

BPOV

When the sun came up, I was still trying to comprehend not only how stupid I'd been, but how much Jasper loved me. His hand was lazily tangled in my hair, the other arm draped over my shoulders. He smiled down at me, his voice barely a whisper, "Hello Darlin'." I smiled, snuggling in closer, "Hello." Nothing more was said for the hour we lay there, but I knew in my heart things were repaired.

Peter rang that morning, while Jasper was in the shower, and I answered, "Peter? he's just in the shower." "I know Bells. I wanted to speak to you." "Why not call me then?" "Cause i knew you'd answer his." I shivered, and laughed, "Seriously, you freak me out with that. 'Tsup?" "Nothing much little one. I just wanted to see how things were...you know? Things seemed a bit...tense when you left." "Things are fine now." "Now? So things weren't?" I smiled, "Things were, but....I let my mind play a bit too long. I came to some dumb conclusions. Everything's A-ok here." He chuckled, "Good. Char was hoping Jasper would let you come visit again." It was my turn to giggle, "Let me? I make my own choices old man. Miss me huh?" "We do actually. You're good for Jas. He's.....different. Better." I blushed, "Peter...stop." "Why? Are you doing that weird human thing again?" "It's not weird....it's just me." I pouted, and then smiled as Jasper emerged from the bathroom, stark naked, "He's here now." I handed the phone to Jasper, who smiled, "Hello?"

I ignored their conversation, instead, kneeling between his legs, and taking his cock in my hands. He shivered a little, but his voice didn't waver. Not until I put it in my mouth, and sucked gently on the tip. "UH.....Peter....I need to go. Bella needs me." I didn't have to hear Peter's response, Jasper's wicked giggle was enough. He dropped the phone on the bedside and picked me up, throwing me on the bed, "So....two can play that game darlin'." He came to rest above me, and without pause thrust into my waiting wet hotness. "Jasper!" He smiled, "You didn't expect me to be patient did you?" I giggled, and we made love until well into the afternoon.


	28. Chapter 28

A/N: Ok, so i'm not a huge fan of people who write author's notes to make excuses for missing chapters, but please, hear me out.

I have three chapters to post, I'm just editing them like a zealot cause there's something about them that isn't quite right. It's 10am here, Sunday morning, so by Sunday night there should be all three posted, I'm juuuuust about ready to just throw them out there, and do with them what you will.

I do just want to shout out though, thankyou to everyone who has abstained from flaming me for not updating quickly this month. It's appreciated. :) xxoo


	29. Preparations

A/N: So woo! Big chapters all at once lol. I had a good session with my friend tonight, and she helped me figure out where i want things to go from here. I can safely say there won't be many chapters left in this particular story, but there might be another story to follow on. I have to apologise for the revolting editing for this chapter, it was messing with my head so i just gave up, and this is how it is.

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When Jasper and I finished in the shower, and he went hunting with Emmett and Rose, I knew what I needed to do.

I dressed in comfortable jeans, pulled on a clean shirt and was still buttoning it up as I arrived at his door. He was playing a mellow piece, brought about, in part I was sure by the fact he would be expecting me to be angry with him. Far from it, and I needed to let him know. "Knock knock?" I smiled as he looked up, and felt the shame and guilt flowing from him, "Hey....no fair. You can't knock me over with that you know." He smiled, and laughed, it lightened the feel immediately, "So....I came to talk to you." I sat beside him on the bench, "To say thank you. I was all but ready to leave before Jasper could tell me to, but Carlisle talked me through it. I'm glad you told him." I felt....was it regret? Suddenly replaced by genuine happiness, and then the vague ickiness that came with someone feeling undecided.

"Edward....it wasn't the wrong thing to do." He smiled at me, and I realized; he wasn't worried I was mad at him anymore. He was annoyed that he'd done the right thing. Momentarily. I smiled, my hand resting on his softly, my voice hardly above a whisper, "Thank you." He nodded, then went back to playing. It was a new piece, something I'd never heard before, and I slid under the piano to lay on the floor, feeling the vibrations like I'd enjoyed before. I was still there when Jasper came home, and he smiled as he knelt beside me, "Darlin'? Alice has a movie set up in the living room, you wanna come?" I nodded, feeling oddly like I'd had a long awaited nap. I took his hand and followed him to our spot on the sofa. I liked these times, when were all one big family.

JPOV

I found her under the piano when I returned from hunting, and I smiled at her. She was like a child in so many ways still, and yet, she was a beautiful young woman. I walked over and knelt beside her, making my voice soft, "Darlin'? Alice has a movie set up in the living room, you wanna come?" She nodded, and she looked more refreshed and at ease than she had in some time. She took my hand and followed me until I pulled her onto my lap on the sofa. The comfort and love she felt washed over me, and I had to agree. These family times were quite nice.

Two weeks later I snuck into town to buy her a surprise, and ran into Charlie. He saw me first, and caught me by surprise, "Jasper, what a surprise. Bella in town as well?" He was looking around me as if he expected her to just pop out. I shook my head, "Naw Charlie. She stayed home to do something with Esme I think." I saw his purchases, "Big trip on Charlie?" He looked down at the industrial sized box of ammo he carried, and smiled, "Nah....nothing that fun son. We got some mountain lion problems up in the woods, just in the last few weeks or so. Not normally a problem." I nodded, wondering why Edward had stopped hunting his favorite food. "Nothing to worry about?" "No son, no. We'll get em under control soon enough." I nodded again, unsure of what to say, when Charlie spoke up, "Think you kids would like to come out home this week? Haven't seen Bells in a while. Didn't you kids have a trip out to Texas or something?"

I nodded, "Yeah, we went to see some family. I think Bella had a good time." "Sounds nice. Listen, Jasper, you or Bella give me a ring if you wanna come out this week. I'm working early mornings, so anytime after five is fine." "Sure Charlie, I'll talk to Bella and see when she's free." He reached out to shake my hand, and I mistook it for him reaching to hug me, awkward moment. Amidst much throat clearing and then awkward silence, I offered my hand, Charlie shook it firmly once, and then smiled, "Okay then son. Talk to you soon." He walked away before I could reply, and I smiled to myself. Bella would giggle when I told her.

BPOV

I noticed the next day, when I was sitting in the living room reading while Edward patiently helped Esme hang some new art, that he was paler than usual. His eyes were darker, his skin more translucent. Wihtout thinking, I called out, "Edward? Have you hunted lately?" He shot daggers at me as Esme commented as well, "I knew you looked unwell." He shook his head, "I hunted yesterday. I'm fine." I wasn't letting it go, I'd already started digging, no sense in just giving up, "Liar. Why haven't you hunted?" It was less of a question and more of a demand, even Esme looked surprised, and he growled under his breath before he answered, "Someone's been baiting the lions. I didn't want to pick the wrong one." "There's plenty of others to hunt." "But not what I wanted."

It was my turn to be annoyed, "We can't always get what we want Edward. Look what happened last time you didn't hunt for days....." Too late, the words were out of my mouth. Esme looked down, and then away, I had crossed the line with my thoughtless remark. Of course he remembered the last time. It had been when he'd tried to attack me. Idiot that I was! Things were finally moving along nicely, and it was me, surprisingly, who tore it all down. His voice was quiet, eerily controlled, "Isabella, I trust that wasn't what you meant to say." He looked at Esme, apologetic, "I'll be home sometime later." Before I could speak he was gone, and I felt awful.

JPOV

I found Bella on the porch, pretending to smoke one of my cigarettes; smiling, I lit it and inhaled, "You know darlin'....ladies don't smoke." She grinned, "It wasn't lit." I took another drag, setting it on the rail, "Good to know. You'll never guess who I......Bella?" She was looking at the ground, where she'd almost dug a hole to china, scuffing her feet. "What's wrong sugar?" "Edward." I sat beside her, "What'd he do now?" She seemed huffy, annoyed, "That's just the thing Jas. He didn't. I did. I asked him why he hadn't hunted and then I.......I accidentally reminded him about last time he starved himself." I kissed her head, "It's okay. I'm sure he knows you didn't mean it, and it was bound to come up eventually." I took another drag, leaning back against the step, I missed the lazy days of summer in Texas, layin' in the grass, cigarette in my mouth, watching the clouds.

Bella shifted and bought me back, "Did he say why he wasn't hunting?" "Someone's baiting the Mountain Lions." I grinned, and she looked indignantly at me, "This is a fine thing to find hilarious Major Whitlock." "I'm sorry darlin'.....it's just....I ran into Charlie in town, and he was carryin' the biggest box of bullets I've just about ever seen, because the Lions are gettin' a little too many out there. I wondered why he'd stopped hunting them. I didn't know he'd stopped altogether though." She looked even more stunned, "Charlie? Oh......I forgot we hadn't been in a while. When does he want us to come?" "When we're able. No rush Bella."

Emmett burst onto the porch then, "Guys, you'll never believe what's on this weekend! In Port Angeles! Oh My God. We have to go. Bells, you're coming. Go inside and see Rose, she's putting things together. Jasper....man, you're gonna love this." I fought the urge to smack his face, because my gut knew, whatever he was about to propose, I wasn't going to like.

BPOV

Rosalie was online in her room, sitting in the middle of their huge bed. She patted the quilt beside her, "So....Em tell you why or did he just send you in to the lion?" I giggled, "No details. What's got him so excited?" I looked down at the screen, "And why are you looking at costumes?" Rose rolled her eyes, "It's Em's big surprise for Jasper. Carlisle said you two needed some fun, so......" She turned and passed me a printed sheet of paper, and I read it aloud, "Port Angeles Annual Civil War Re-enactment and Evening Ball." "Are you kidding?" She shook her head, "Sadly, no. This is what he thinks we should do." "Rose, we can't go during the day." She nodded, then handed me eight tickets, "Nighttime. Dancing. Some kind of confederate bonfire with guns and boy junk. Pink or blue?" I looked at her, she smiled, and kept clicking away, "Yeah, right. Not Pink. Oh shit....no blue in your stupid size. Green.....Hmm.....and if we could get the shoes dyed the same and you'd need a bonnet and a shawl and then a purse and some silk stockings and then there's the....Alice? C'mere." I knew i could safely leave then, and retreated to Carlisle's study for peace and quiet.

I shut the door softly, his room always instilled a sense of reverence and quiet in me; probably why I didn't notice anyone's presence until I'd selected a book from his shelves and snuggled into the smoking chair by the window. "Isabella.....how are you?" I jumped, my gifts were only as good as the attention I paid, I was nowhere near using them to their best ability. "Oh...Carlisle, hi. I'm ok. You? You're not. Not when I'm done with you anyway." I smiled, and so did he, putting his pen down on the blotter and leaning forward, "I take it you've heard Emmett's idea?" I nodded, "Why? Why not just...bowling or....a holiday or something? Civil War stuff? After what's been going on......." "It feels wrong? It's okay. Actually, you'd be surprised. Many years ago, when Jasper first joined us, we boys would go along and watch if there was a cloudy day. Esme came once, and Rosalie but Alice......she didn't like the mud." I looked at him questioningly, and he smiled, "You can't imagine us playing war alongside humans?" I shook my head, "No I just....Jasper hates war so much. I can't imagine him doing it." "I can see that. You have to remember Bella, Jasper's still a boy inside, all of us like to blow things up." There was a devilish gleam in his eye, and i couldn't help the giggle that escaped, "This image of you Carlisle....blowing things up like a naughty little boy.....hilarious." He laughed, and leant back in his chair, "It's fun Bella. We get few opportunities allowing us to interact with humans in that way."

There was a comfortable silence as I went back to my book, at least an hour passed before I noticed Carlisle had put soft music on his player, and was sitting reading his own book. It was calm, soothing. Reassuring.

JPOV

This could go two ways. I was excited at the thought of showing Bella what things were like, to a degree, when I was human. It would be fun to go back to when we all took pleasure in blowing things up. But on the flipside, Bella might not enjoy being exposed to even the hint of war, or the bloody drama that unfolds at re-enactments. True, it was fake, and light hearted, to an extent, but Bella was sensitive, she'd absorb everyone else's reaction as well. I needed to talk to Carlisle.

I didn't notice Bella in the chair by the window, but she saw me, dropping her book gently to the fabric and hugging my waist, "Isn't it exciting? We'll get to see what it was like then....well....what it was like when you were human." She was beaming, and I felt bad for doubting going. "It'll be great darlin'. Have the girls got you all dressed up yet?" She shook her head, "No....but i don't think it's far away. Rose already had the measuring tape out." Just as she finished, Alice called for her, "Bella? Come back to Rosalie's room. We need you to look at something." She rolled her eyes as i kissed her and took off, spanking me as she ran.

Carlisle looked at me, "I know. You're worried about her gifts in such a big crowd. I think we need to try it. This is as good a venue as any, and at least a majority of it will be pleasant son. People are enjoying themselves there, she shouldn't be too overwhelmed." I ran my hands through my hair, sighing, "I guess. I just.......I'm scared she'll get hurt." "She can't physically get hurt Jasper, you know that. And as for her feelings? You're stronger than she is with that gift. You can ease it until we can get away." I shrugged. he was right. "Hell, I just hope those girls don't scare her away before we even get there." Carlisle laughed, we'd both heard Bella's "under breath" swear about the measurements they were taking for corsetry.

I waited for her in our bedroom, she flung herself onto the bed and stared at me from where her head was half upside down, "Are you kidding me? Who the hel...sorry, heck, wore all that....that....infuriating junk under their clothes? there's more there than is on top!" I smiled, "Bells....the top clothing was worn everyday for some people. The more underneath, the more wears you get from the top." She "humph"ed, loudly, and then rolled onto her stomach, "And then there's silk stockings, and some hair thing, and a purse, and gloves, and shoes...oh, the shoes. How the heck am i supposed to walk in those things?" I smiled, pulling her into my chest, "Bella, Darlin'....it's okay. Rose just.....she has an overwhelming sense of what's right. And when I was younge....human, women were just different. When Rose was human women were different. Not so...." She grinned, "Sexual?" I would have blushed if i'd been human, and nodded, "Well, yes. Women valued themselves, were more respected. Part of that was because of the presentation I guess."

She laughed, then lay back, "The idea of wearing pretty dresses appeals sometimes Jas, and I'm excited to see a re-enactment but......I'm glad I didn't live then. I would have died wrapped up in all that....femininity." She sounded disgusted, and I smiled, kissing her head, "I could only have wished I had you with me back then darlin."

Saturday morning arrived with welcome clouds and the threat of rain. Rosalie and Esme had stolen Bella away to get dressed and do girly things, I was getting dressed with Emmett and Edward. Carlisle had been dressed since dawn, eager to play around and live a reasonably old fashioned life for the day. Just as I was tucking my undershirt into my trousers, I heard Bella's frustrated whisper, "Jasper Whitlock......I cannot believe I'm doing this for you." I spoke, audibly, "Isabella Whitlock, you love it." I felt the fury in the air, and then the serene calm replaced by Rosalie's words to Bella, "Bella, come on. Give it a try. Poor Jasper's had to live in your world for longer than he had in his own." I knew Bella would have closed her eyes at that point, and gone limp in the hopes it made things end sooner.

So busy was I having fun with Emmett, and teasing Edward about his choice of gentleman's clothes (Em and I had simply gone for upper class but working men, we had no desire to be fluffed up in velvet and lace) that I missed the first annoyed squeal from Bella, but I didn't miss the second, or the angry voice of Rosalie which followed, "Jasper Hale, get your ass in here and tell your wife to stop whining." I was there before she'd finished, to find Bella sitting on the edge of the bed in all but the final pieces of wardrobe. "Jasper.....I can't wear this. I feel.....so....squished." I smiled, "Bella, you can't lose your breath, you don't breathe. Relax and it'll be alright." She looked doubtful, so I picked her up and turned her around, "Here. This should help." I loosened the ribbons on her stays, and Rosalie fumed, "We ordered based on the corset Jasper. This will throw everything out." I shot her a look, "Do you want to go Rose? I'm just as happy for Bella to wear jeans if she'd prefer." I looked at My Bella, trying to find an answer, she simply shook her head, "No, this feels better. Thank you." She kissed me then, and I smiled, "You're welcome darlin'. See you downstairs in ten minutes."

BPOV

I was over it before it had even begun, but jasper's short visit had made me feel a little renewed. It reminded me why I was doing this. For fun, yes, but also to understand Jasper's past a little better. I slid my feet into the compromised shoes, Esme had simply changed my order to a shorter heel, and I felt far more stable. My hair hung long and curled down my back, drawn up in pearl hair pins and lace ribbons, and a small hat was perched on my head. I felt ridiculous, but the look on Jasper's face as I came down the stairs made me forget that. The adoration was almost overwhelming, and I looked at him coyly from my lashes, and he whispered, looking straight into my eyes, "Beautiful." I blushed, and he offered his hand for me to take. "May I escort you Mrs. Whitlock?" I smiled softly, this would be a a fun day, "It would be a pleasure, Major." He kissed my hand, and leant in to whisper in my ear, his voice sexy and cool, "The pleasure will be yours later darlin'." I shivered with delight, then blushed. This was going to be a very fun day indeed.


	30. Solutions

A/N: To make up for the mega delay, here's two chapters at once. This is probably the third last chapter, I kind of feel like I'm running out of ideas. (i know i keep threatening this, but i'm serious this time. i feel like it's not quality writing anymore).

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I sat half wedged on Jasper's lap in the back of Carlisle's car, my clothes were beginning to drag me down again. I could tell Jasper was trying his best to buoy my mood, and I was grateful, but I couldn't wait to get there.

At the fair, I noticed there were a lot of similarly dressed men and women, and I could see smoke coming from a far hill. Carlisle grinned at Emmett, "You want to go now or later?" Emmett shrugged, just as Rose kicked his shin, "Ouch. God Rose, you're such a bitch sometimes. Maybe later? The girls might like us to play some games or something." There was a sideshow nearby, Jasper won me a posy at a shooting game. "Jasper? I've never seen you shoot before." He smiled, kissing my hand, "You've never asked." I smiled, this was definitely relaxing.

Everyone was being polite, there were a lot of families, everyone was having a good time. Even Edward seemed to be enjoying himself, until he flicked some mud on Rosalie's dress hem. "Idiot! Don't you ever pay attention? You're always so busy moping around....God. How will I get this off now?" She shot him a filthy look and he hung his head a little, so I interrupted, "Hey, it serves her right. I've been thinking of a way to get her back all morning." Our silent exchange was only for us to hear, he smiled, and suddenly was in my head, "If you'd like I can try to get it higher up next time." I smiled sweetly, waggled my finger behind my back as I followed to where we were stopping.

I noticed Jasper had slipped his hand into the small of my back, his left hand holding mine delicately. He walked at a slow but steady pace, as we stopped he let go of my hand but kept his on my back. We were watching something, it smelt acrid, and burning and....."Oh my god." My words had escaped before I could stop them, and despite Jasper's somewhat reprimanding look, he knew it had been unintentional.

He put his mouth close to my ear as I felt my knees get weak, and then Edward's strong hand was at my waist as well. "Darlin'......close your eyes. We'll take you away from here." I closed them, but the image was burnt into my brain. That cow's eyes rolling as they pressed the hot brand into its flesh....the acrid stench of burning flesh. I gagged, and then my legs just dropped away. Edward caught me and he and Jasper sat me down on Jasper's coat behind a tree. He smiled at me, "Well....it's very southern of you to get faint like that darlin', but it's not like I can go get you a cool cordial now. Are you alright?" I nodded, Edward's hand was holding my left, Jasper's was on my thigh. Oddly, I didn't feel like I should move either, and I didn't.

Carlisle and Esme appeared moments later, Carlisle produced a flask from his jacket and Jasper soon held a cup to my lips. I drank reluctantly until I tasted the contents, and then sipped as ladylike as I could, despite the fact I wanted to guzzle it down like there was no tomorrow. Edward's voice was warm, "Love, slow down. People will wonder what's gotten into you." I giggled, "But it's good." he sniffed at the side of the cup, making Jasper growl a little in jealousy. "That does smell good." He smiled, I took a sip and then leant in to kiss jasper. His eyes opened in surprise when I opened my mouth and released the salty warm liquid. I smiled wickedly, "Thank you Carlisle." I stood, taking his offered hand, and then giggled as jasper brushed down my backside. "This has been fun, but can we stay away from....that kind of...um." Carlisle nodded, "Emmett and Rose have gone to watch the canons and the re-enactments. No animal cruelty. Promise."

In the afternoon Rose picked up on my discontent, Jasper had but felt there wasn't a lot we could do, besides promise me we'd leave soon. Rosalie seized the opportunity, "Bells? Come back to the hotel with me? We can have some rest, and maybe go hunting before the ball tonight." I took it while it was offered, kissing Jasper goodbye and not missing the longing Edward watched me with. It wasn't as bad as it had been, but I could tell it would still be a while before things were normal.

JPOV

Edward was pushing my limits. I saw the way he watched her as she left with Rosalie and Esme, felt the lust and admiration for her. I was glad Rosalie had offered a distraction, I wasn't sure how much more she could take from the crowd and the sea of emotion. It must have been overwhelming for her. Add to that Edward's conflicted emotions, I was surprised she hadn't run screaming.

I called her not ten minutes after she'd left, and she sounded tired, "Hi Jasper. Rose and I are going hunting soon. How're you guys?" "Yeah.....Edward's off listening to some music, Carlisle and Em are trying to get me to blow stuff up with them." "You should, it sounds fun." "Bella. Ladies don't blow things up, or find it fun. You're supposed to tell me I'm bad." Her voice became sexy and throaty, "Major Whitlock? You're such a naughty, naughty boy. I might have to punish you later." I couldn't help the wicked lust in my laugh, or my reply, "I might have to teach you a lesson as well....." She giggled, a cute but sexy grown up giggle that told anyone in earshot she was up to no good, "Major.....I expect you to make good on your promise. Gentlemen don't re-neg." The phone clicked off then, and I knew it would be a long two hours before we went back to our lodgings.

BPOV

It was hard to calm down without Jasper, but Rosalie, after we'd hunted, managed to ease my tension with a hot bath and a massage. Halfway through, I turned my head to her, "Rose? Since when can you give a good massage? And why didn't I know this before?" She laughed. "I picked it up along the way. It used to calm the soldiers when I worked with Carlisle during the war." I nodded, it was working, whatever the knack was. I almost relaxed to the point where I could dream, a rare treat for me, but something gnawed at my stomach and I kept myself from drifting too far.

All too soon the primping began. My hair had to be touched up, by a very patient Esme; who told me to be grateful it only took a half hour, when she had been younger it had taken hours to prepare her hair. Hours. Rosalie touched up my make up, staining my lips a deep red to hide where I'd accidentally bitten myself, lining my eyes softly, with a very fine pencil. She stood back and admired her work, "Now....I told you I'd leave it as long as I could before you had to be swaddled up again, but the dance is in an hour, and I can't leave you be any longer."

I sighed, this was going to be another ordeal.

JPOV

I was worried about Bella. Carlisle had noticed it too, she was no longer her cheerful self every moment. In fact, there were few cheerful moments for her, something that concerned me deeply. I feared maybe her gifts were too much for her, together, they posed a huge strain on her mental and emotional wellbeing. I wished there was a way to train her to settle them, to call on them only when needed, despite her efforts of late I didn't believe she fully grasped how little control she really had so far. Carlisle sat beside me as we waited for the girls to call to us.

"Jasper? Is Bella really alright?" I shrugged, "I don't know. She seems to have a grasp of what she's doing, but she seems so.......sad." Carlisle nodded, "She does. Would you like me to speak with her? Perhaps it would be easier for her to....be straightforward about whatever is bothering her." It hurt me to nod yes, but I understood. She was less likely to be honest with me if I, or even Edward, were the problem. "I think....that would be appreciated. Thanks Carlisle." He smiled, reassuringly, and I was reminded again how lucky I was to have become a part of his family, "It's not a problem son. We're all worried about her."

I left then, to find her, I wanted to pull her into my arms and kiss her, hold her to me and tell her if she felt unwell, we would stay here tonight. It was silent as I got closer to their room, knocking softly I pushed open the door, to find Bella hastily wiping tears from her eyes and Rosalie's arm protectively wrapping itself across Bella's shoulder. "Jasper! The men aren't supposed to come up here." I smiled, pushing my hair back, "I'm sorry Rose, I just had to see My Bella." Bella stood there looking awkward, clad only in pantalets, a chemise and petticoats, through which i could just make out the familiar but long forgotten shape of the bustle. She was a vision, even in plain calico. "Rose....perhaps I can finish helping Bella dress. You can go help Esme." It was a command, not a request, and for once in her life, Rosalie had the sense to follow. "Okay. I'll see you downstairs. Bella.....OH." She looked at me, and then at Bella, "The corset....." I smiled, "I can manage. Goodbye Rose."

Bella hugged me, only for a moment, and then made a good show of seeming flustered only by the dramas of getting ready, she flitted about the room babbling away, "Oh Jasper, it took forever for them to do my hair, and then make up and now this getting dressed....and I can't get dirty, or trip and fall or Rose will....." I took her into my arms, pushing stray hair from her eyes, "Isabella. Stop. Calm down." I rushed at her with waves of calm and peace, and she fought it at first, before simply giving up, going limp in my arms, "Jasper, you need to help me. I can't lace this on my own." I looked at the corset she'd picked up, and took it from her, kissing her head, "Turn around Darlin'" She did as I asked, and I wrapped it around her slender waist, pulling the silk through the eyelets, and tying it off. "Done." "But....Jasper, I don't think it's right. I don't feel......" "So trapped? No...you won't. I didn't do it anywhere near as tightly as Rose had it. There's simply no need. Now, Darlin', where's your....ohhhh."

She was coming towards me with a deep emerald colored gown, beautiful silk and lace trim, and almost exactly like the dress in my journal, that I'd seen in a window of a town we'd walked through. "Bella....it's beautiful." She smiled dreamily, "Isn't it just? Alice said you'd like it especially." I would have to thank Alice, at some point. She stepped into the skirt as I pulled it to her waist, and then she patiently waited for me to get the bodice firmly attached to the skirts. "Done. You look a vision darlin'.....No man could have a woman more beautiful." She blushed, and then leant her head on my chest. She let out the saddest sigh I'd ever heard, and yet, no emotion came from her at all. None. She was beginning to scare me, but there was no time now. She was dressed and willing to go, and I wanted so badly to indulge her, to perhaps make her smile the entire evening.

BPOV

I didn't know what was wrong. I felt jasper's concern and curiosity, but I just couldn't snap out of the funk I'd slipped into. What had started out as the odd emotional moment here and there, had become a full time, stomach gnawing compulsion. I felt as though nothing I could do would lift the cloud.

Jasper dressed me quickly, I tried not to let my mind think too long on how he knew the way everything fit together. When I was finally dressed and he pulled me into his arms, I blocked him from my feelings as much as I could. I didn't want to alarm him. It would blow over, I was sure.

JPOV

My plan worked, at least for the duration of the dance. Bella even danced with Edward, and for once, I was grateful for their friendship. I wasn't even jealous anymore, yes, the looks he occasionally gave her were less than brotherly, but she didn't even notice, and it discouraged him.

She laughed, and smiled, and whirled to her heart's delight; she was still smiling as I stood her in our room and began to undress her carefully. She was so beautiful, perfection. So precious....She looked at me with her big, doe eyes, and let me lean her into the covers, until I lay above her, our bodies both completely stripped of clothing. "Jasper.....love me. Please." Her voice was barely a whisper, and her eyes glistened with tears. I kissed her, softly, romantically, trying to be more careful with her than usual, more comforting, "Darlin'.....you know I do." She smiled then, and I caught a short glimpse of My Bella. "Darlin'......are you sure?" She nodded, her voice tiny and shy, "I want you to make love to me Jasper. Love me......love me completely, all of me." She seemed so tiny then, so frail. I simply nodded, and made love to her more tenderly and more carefully than I ever had before.

In the morning, I opened my eyes to feel Bella beside me, facing away. "Darlin'?" It wasn't like her, usually it was all I could do to peel her off of me when the sun came up. "Mmmm?" She sniffled softly, and I leant over her, "Bella....why are you cryin' sugar?" I knelt in front of her, and she shook her head, "I don't know Jasper. I'm.....I feel afraid. I feel sick, I feel tired, I feel....nervous. I don't understand. I don't really feel those things....and yet...I do." She was crying, and it broke my heart to see her. I could feel those things too, when I let my guard down. I could also feel the sexual tension coming from Emmett and Rosalie's room, she must have cut him off for some reason. I smiled at her, "I can fix this."

Her eyes searched my face for a hint of humor, when she saw I was serious, so was she, "How? Please Jasper....just make it go away." She let me pull her into my lap on the floor, and I stroked her hair as I spoke to her, my voice soft and soothing, "Darlin'......we need to take a holiday. I don't know how long we'd go for, but we need to get away from the crowds. I can't teach you to put a lid on your gift while we're around so many things." She looked at me, confused, "What does that have to do with anything?" "Darlin'.....Bella. You're feeling what everyone else is. And because high emotions are easier to detect, you're picking up mostly bad feelings. Sadness, sickness, depression. It can be overwhelmin' darlin', it would be good to get you away from it all, help you control your gift." "Jasper....I don't know. It's so strong....I don't think I can turn it off just like that." Looking into her eyes at that moment almost broke my dead, lifeless heart. She was truly afraid she would never get control over this.

I looked her square in the eye, trying to convey my strength to her, "Bella....darlin'....you can learn to handle this. You can manipulate this gift to do what you want, not what it feels like. I promise you darlin'. You'll have it twice as easy as I did.....I've already been there." She buried her head in my chest, a deep sigh escaping her lips, "Do you promise Jasper? If you can promise me, I'll believe you." I kissed her head, holding her tightly to me, "Isabella Whitlock, I promise you with my heart and soul. We'll find a way to help you control your gift."


	31. Uno Mas

A/N: So i buoyed by some of your reviews and pm's. Thankyou. Appreciation is always a returner of smiles. :) It kind of spurred me on, too, so there may be a couple more chapters in me than I thought, after a big "mapping" session with a friend, I realised I can do more with this than my sad, messed up head would let me think. And....my chapters are slowly getting longer, lucky you! Lemon alert! (i was bored. chalk it up)

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BPOV

We moved quickly, I pulled on my bra and panties, dragged on the closest pair of jeans I could find and in the early light reached for Jasper's discarded shirt. I wanted to feel like he was all around me, enveloping me in his assistance, his love, even though I knew he would never be more than a foot away from me just now. He was dressed already, packing a few things; he'd promised when we stopped he would either send Peter for more, or we could go shopping. If it got us out of here before anyone noticed, I would leave naked.

With the other's pre-occupied or, in Edward's case, plugged into a way too loud iPod, we walked silently from the hotel room, into the living area, Carlisle spotting us from where he lay on the sofa, reading. He looked at us, an eyebrow raised, and I thought into his head to save making any unnecessary noise, "Carlisle.....please. If you need us, if it's something important, you know, I think, where we'll be." He nodded, his reply steady and calm, loving, "Alright dear. Look after each other, be safe. We love you." I nodded, trying to keep my eyes from misting over. Even I was beginning to become frustrated with my tears; it seemed I had no control over them anymore at all.

The car started instantly, Jasper taking Carlisle's without a second thought. I knew why, Carlisle would never withold anything, what was his, was ours also. There was too much risk one of the others would want their car and come looking for us. He hadn't said as much, but I gathered Jasper wanted as much as I did to be "missing" for a while. The road was clear, we passed few cars on our way. As we left the town's limits, he put his foot down harder, and I closed my eyes, resting my head on his arm. I kept hearing his words in my head, they were reassuring, "I promise you with my heart and soul". Jasper would never make me a promise he couldn't keep.

JPOV

She leant her head against my arm, and I knew she was trying to settle. This road trip would be nothing like our last, there was no happy, playful air. We wouldn't be debating the best radio station, who had better "car dancing" skills, who knew more words to more songs. My Bella was broken somehow, and it was up to me to fix her. Only problem was, I didn't quite know how. I'd shown her what I could about how I controlled my gift, she'd come up with some of her own ingenious ways; my last hope was Peter and his knack for knowing exactly what was needed in difficult times. Charlotte could be relied upon to provide the mothering Bella would be missing from Esme, something I'd only recently come to see she relied on more heavily than anyone suspected.

Looking down at her, I was at a loss. I hadn't expected this moment, this.....set-back. Bella had seemed like she was adjusting well, becoming an even more confident, gloriously beautiful woman. Even Edward and Carlisle had believed there was nothing out of the ordinary, and I had desperately wanted to trust their judgment. And now......now I felt like I had let her down somehow, and I found myself replaying every moment since I'd noticed her mood swings. Every word, every action. Every moment I had wanted to ask her what was wrong but had ignored my instinct, and passed it off as her "adjusting". I found myself playing "What If". What if I had let her spend more time with Edward and his music? What if we had visited Charlie more.....If I had spoken to her about more to do with her gift.....if I had taken the time to find out what was bothering her...........If.....if I had stayed home the day Edward had attacked her.

Bella stirred, looking at me, "It wasn't your fault you know. It would have happened anyway, he was a loose cannon." "Bella?" I was confused, certain I hadn't spoken that last line aloud. "Jas.....You don't have to say anything. I know you're thinking about it. You always are when you get quiet like that, I can tell by what you're feeling." I smiled, "I'm sorry Bella. I should have been there." She smiled, kissing my cheek, "But you weren't. And that's okay, because we had no way of knowing." She squeezed my hand, "And I would never have been able to be with you forever if it hadn't." "Bella....you know I would have changed you." "But I don't know that Edward wouldn't have gotten in the way somehow. Stopped you."

I kissed her head as she leant back on my arm, and turned on the radio. We'd been on the road six hours already, I wondered how long it would be before someone called.

BPOV

My phone began to ring, becoming more and more insistent until I looked at the screen, "It's Carlisle." I looked to jasper for advice, and he shook his head, "It isn't. If it is, he'll leave you voicemail." I nodded, he was right. It was likely Edward would expect me to answer if I thought it was his father. Like clockwork, moments later my cell rang again, this time, "Edward" flashing on the screen. That happened twice, before "Rosalie", then "Esme" followed. A text message appeared when that didn't work, and I opened it up, curious. "Smella, Em. Carlisle wants you to know he'll call from Charlie's tonight. A says ur ok." I smiled, texting back "A". I knew Edward would have had to kill Emmett to use his phone. Jasper looked across to me, "Everything okay?" I nodded, "Yeah. Just Em." I looked around me, "Jas....Are we going to the farm?" He nodded, looking apologetic, "I couldn't think of somewhere else, well...not anywhere that I knew you'd have people who could help." "Peter and Charlotte?" I couldn't help the confusion, and disbelief in my voice. Peter and Charlotte were human eating vampires who, to the best of my knowledge, lived a very quiet life. How could they help with this issue? Jasper looked over a second as we turned into the dirt road that led to their house, "Yes darlin'. Peter and Charlotte. You might be surprised." I shrugged, wishing now that I'd watched him pack for me more carefully. I could hardly prance about here in his clothes for a week, a month, however long it took to figure me out.

Jasper brought me back to reality by slamming on the brakes, there, in the headlights, stood a smiling Charlotte. The happiness and joy radiating from her made me smile as well, and Jasper waved as he spoke to me, "Go with Char sugar. She'll take you hunting. I'll meet you at the house." I nodded, kissing him as I got out of the car, before I knew what hit me Charlotte had me wrapped in a tight embrace, "Oh honey. We've been waiting for you for so long!" I was confused, "So long? We only decided...." She smiled putting her finger to my lips, "Peter knew you were coming two days ago. Are you hungry?" I nodded, following her into the woods. For reasons unknown to me, Charlotte, of everyone I had met, felt like the best fit for a sister. I knew her very little, even after our long walks and talks last visit. Rosalie was a close second, even Alice 's friendship didn't hold a candle to the comfort i felt when I was with Charlotte. I wondered if it was part of her gift, or if she was just naturally an appealing person.

We walked back to the house in a comfortable silence, holding hands, my cheeks wet from the tears I'd cried after hunting. Charlotte had understood, she hadn't asked me any questions, simply offered her hand and I had taken it.

Peter and Jasper were sitting on the roof, Peter let out a low whistle, "Now there, Whitlock, is the vision I live for. My wife and yours, hand in hand, barely dressed." I blushed, and ducked my head. My jeans had ripped on my hunt, so i'd simply turned them into daisy dukes. Jasper's shirt was now knotted above my waist, i was trying to hide the mess i'd made in my haste to drink. Jasper slapped him as he jumped to the ground, landing at my feet, and grinned at me like a fool, "Have fun darlin'?" I giggled, feeling at ease; something I'd forgotten how to feel lately. I nodded, "Yes. It would seem you two certainly did." jasper's shirt was ripped at the sleeve, and from where I stood, I could see Peter had a rip in the knee of his jeans, and another in the back of his shirt. "Your husband fights like a girl Whitlock." I glared playfully at Peter, "Your wife fights better than you Peter." He feigned hurt as he jumped down to join us, "Ouch. Thou hast truly wounded mine ego." I giggled, "Good. It needs wounding. I don't know if there's going to be much room for it soon, you keep letting it get in the way."

Peter picked me up and threw me over his shoulder, I feigned a damsel in distress scream as he carried me to some bales they had by the barn, "Whitlock, I'm taking your wife and introducing her to my friend Jose." I stopped playing, "Jose? Who the hell is Jose?" I tried to keep my voice light, but I was angry. I'd thought we were here with friends. I didn't want to meet anyone new. Not yet. Charlotte laughed, "Peter, put her down." Jasper looked like he wasn't sure if he wanted to growl or laugh, settling for "Peter, I don't know if that's such a good idea. Bella's never......well....she's never had anything to drink before." Peter set me down, shock all over his face, "Never?" I shook my head, "Never. It's not like I made it to 21, is it now?" I laughed as I saw who "Jose" was. Peter had a bottle of tequila and four glasses out on one of the hay bales, along with slices of lemon and some salt. "Peter....I don't really understand. Alcohol?" I looked to Jasper, who simply smiled, "Darlin'.....Peter has some.....quirks. Alcohol is one of them." He looked worried then, "Peter...I don't know about giving Isabella alcohol." I knew something was up then, Jasper almost never called me by my full name, he knew how much I hated it.

I tried to look at something behind Peter as I sent a thought to Jasper, "Is this good or bad?" Jasper smirked as he looked at his watch, and replied, "I'm not sure darlin'. It's your choice." I rolled my eyes, "Jas....you aren't making this easy." He smiled, "I don't think it's a bad thing. I think you'll be smart about it." "Are you....?" He shrugged then, and smiled at Peter, finally speaking aloud, "Pour me a drink then barkeep." Peter laughed, a deep, hearty laugh, pouring Jasper a shot and patting him on the back as he looked over at me, "If you've never had a drink, then you've never seen Jasper drink." He slapped Jasper's back, "So, Whitlock....you ready to let your wife see your crazy side?" Jasper smiled, a wicked, playful glint in his eye, much like I'd seen in Emmett's when he was about to be up to no good. I looked at Charlotte, who squeezed my hand, "Bella, relax. You're here with friends. If you're concerned just......go slow." Peter had poured three extra shots by then, handing them around and then holding his in the air. I looked at Charlotte, who made the "throwback" gesture, and I blanched a little at the idea of putting all that alcohol down my throat at once. Jasper smiled, reassuringly, and Peter grinned, "To friends and family. One....two.....Down!" He and Jasper seemed to be having a competition to get their glass back to the bale fastest, Charlotte was swallowing, and I was having trouble getting it down. When I finally did, my face must have been classic, jasper handed me a slice of lemon and kissed my cheek.

"Whew! Uno Mas!" I grinned, slamming my glass beside theirs, "let's do this right then, shall we?" I felt nothing, and assumed that alcohol was simply a thrill, but no more than that. Jasper looked surprised but smiled as he pulled me onto his lap, we both downed two more shots before Charlotte bought out a deck of cards. Jasper smiled, holding his hands up, "Time out for five. Bella needs a shower, she's making me hungry." I blushed, knowing he was right. The blood I'd gotten on me was probably making him very uncomfortable.

I dressed in a pair of simple Victoria secret panties and bra, thankful Jasper had some sense to pack them for me. I threw on a tank top and a hoodie, a pair of old jeans and some Uggs. "Jas? How did you know to pack this stuff?" He smiled, "I just thought about what I like you best in." I blushed, and he pulled me into his arms, I felt my head get a little light, "Oh....." I giggled. "Darlin'....you might want to slow down. We don't know how alcohol will affect you." I giggled again, and he kissed me, "For real, sugar. Peter and I have been doing this a long time. We know exactly how it ends. You....you're.....an unwritten page with alcohol." I smiled, "It feels nice so far." I pulled him to me, giving him a passionate, and probably far too sexy for the moment kiss, "You feel nice." He smiled, patting my butt as we went back outside.

An hour later, I was down to my jeans and bra, having lost my other clothes in Poker. Jasper was in his boxers, Charlotte was down to her underpants and Bra, and Peter, who I suspected of using his gift to cheat, had only lost his button down shirt. It had never crossed my mind that one day I would be playing strip poker with my husband and his friends. I was having fun though, so I didn't let it bother me much. After my next hand won, I lay back against Jasper, "This is nice." He smiled, looking me up and down appreciatively, "You're nice." I blushed, "Shut up. I needed this." Charlotte giggled, "You needed to get drunk and play strip poker?" It was my turn to giggle, and I waggled my finger in the air at her, "No. Well....actually, maybe I did. I needed something.......unusual." Charlotte turned up the stereo and dragged me to dance with her. Old Bella would have blushed and hidden the fact she was only wearing a bra and jeans, but this new, uninhibited Bella embraced the freedom, letting Charlotte pull me in to dance close with her as the music became more insistent, more urgent. I closed my eyes, giving myself over to the music completely, I felt safe and loved and suddenly pulled closer to Charlotte, opening my eyes in surprise as I felt her soft lips on mine. I didn't pull back, but she felt my eyes open, and smiled, lustfully, "Sorry Bella." I nodded, my voice barely a whisper, "It's okay." I let Jasper pull me into his arms, confused. It had felt kind of....nice. Sexy. Charlotte was hot. The lust coming from Jasper was almost enough to cripple me, I could feel the wetness collecting between my thighs, and as he scooped my legs up I didn't miss his hand passing gently over my sex, almost ghostlike. His breath was heavy and sexy in my ear, "Just a little longer darlin'...." I giggled, accepting the bottle of tequila which we were now drinking directly from as we walked towards the creek behind the house. Peter threw off everything but his shorts, running into the water and splashing Charlotte as she threw her bra and panties aside. I passed her the tequila as Jasper waded in, me in his arms, and giggled as I felt his hand unbutton my jeans.

His kisses were heavy, fast, impatient, and it was contagious. I could see the silhouette of Peter and Charlotte in the distance, and instead of being worried they might see us, and us them, it was kind of a turn on. I let jasper carry us out into deeper water, he let go just long enough to slip out of his jeans, and then I felt him unhook my bra. I completely lost all my senses then, the lust around us and between us took me over. His hands were all over me, insistent, urgent, my voice hot and raw as I demanded of him, "Fuck me Jasper." He looked surprised and then his eyes darkened even more, and I felt his long, hard cock slam inside my waiting pussy. He looked me in the eye as he pumped me up and down along his length, "Is that what you wanted Bella? My cock?" I nodded, biting my lip, "I wanted your cock to fuck me."

As much as I'd thought hearing the other's noises would distract me, it spurred me on. Almost as if it was a competition to see who was more into it, I felt my passion spike a hundred fold. I tangled my hands in Jasper's hair as I felt my orgasm building, His own hands were tight on my body, gripping me as he felt his rising. "God in heaven Bella....you'll be the death of me woman." I giggled, licking his neck gently as I whispered back, "I wouldn't complain if this was how I went." I moaned then, and then again, and Jasper held my face so I had to look in his eyes, "Are you going to come for me?" I nodded, "You make me want to do this all day". He grinned, "Pity it's night time then darlin'...." I giggled, and then felt the wave rush over us both, "Oh God......Jasper.......I'm....mmmm......Ohhhhh.......Godddd......" I went limp in his arms, spent, he held me close to him, "I love you." "I love you too."

In bed, later that night I felt sleepy, like if I closed my eyes, I would actually sleep. Jasper was tracing patterns on my back, planting soft kisses on random patches of skin. Neither of us had bothered to re-dress to return to the house, and Peter and Charlotte were still out there, we could hear them splashing and swimming in the warm water of the creek. "darlin?" "Mmm?" "Darlin'.....did it scare you when Char kissed you?" I was quiet, and he took it as a yes, "Darlin'....I'm awfully sorry about it. Charlotte usually doesn't just.....do that. There's usually a mutual interest for....well....." I smiled lazily and rolled to look at him, "No. It didn't scare me as much as...caught me by surprise." he kissed my nose, "So you'd do it again?" I shrugged, "I don't know. It felt right at the time." I looked at him, "You know it doesn't mean I'd look elsewhere, right?" He grinned, "I know. Heaven help the guy who doesn't understand that one." I giggled, "Poor thing. We'll just have to hide away from the world to keep them safe." He smiled then, laughing, "Darlin'.....I wish I could keep YOU safe from the world." I smiled, resting my head on his chest and closing my eyes. Maybe, if I just imagined hard enough, I could pretend I was really asleep.

JPOV

It seemed like Bella was truly asleep when I got out of bed in the morning, so I left her resting alone and went down to see Peter and Charlotte. Charlotte's head was in her hands, a cool cloth on her neck, a glass of orange juice and a bottle of aspirin beside each other on the table. Peter was looking a little green, but no worse for wear. I poked Charlotte, "Hey....what was that last night?" She looked up at me, "Sorry. I just kinda.....got caught up and......Your wife is beautiful Jasper. It was hard not to." I smiled, "Just.....go easy on her. Bella's led a very sheltered life. I'm keen to keep it that way." Peter grinned wickedly, "Come on brother, we could turn Bella into such a vixen if we just...." "No." My voice was flat, part of me wondered if this had been the right thing to do. "Peter, we need to sit down with Bella. Work this out." "Work what out? My wife wants a piece of yours. What is there to...." I slammed my fist on the counter, and then turned to Charlotte, "Sorry." She nodded, and I went on, "Peter, damnit. We're not here for fooling. at least, not the whole time. We're here to help Bella." Peter nodded, suddenly serious, "I know.

BPOV

When my eyes opened, Jasper was gone, and I could swear I'd been asleep. For real asleep, and it puzzled me. Maybe it was the alcohol, I wasn't sure. I knew I felt fine, despite Jasper's cautions about hangovers and feeling sick. I realized I was still naked and wrapped the sheet around me before giggling. After last night, I wasn't sure the sheet meant much, wrapped around my naked self. Still giggling, I got into the shower, washing my hair.

I threw on the first things my hands came to in the bag, a pair of old grey sweats, Jasper's. I smiled and pulled my tank top on, wandering at human pace to the kitchen where I could hear everyone talking.

Jasper hugged me to him, and I smiled, "Char? Are you alright?" She nodded, and Jasper grinned, "Remember I told you about hangovers?" I nodded, "Charlotte has one." Jasper's words were tinged with joy, like he was enjoying seeing her like this. I hugged Charlotte, "Can I get you anything?" She shook her head, "No, thank you Bella."

I felt at a loss, Peter saved me, "Bella? Jasper and I were talking, would you like to start working on your gift today?" I nodded, I didn't really want to but it was why we were here.


	32. Curioser and Curioser

A/N: Woo! Three chapters in one and a bit days. Either you know I'm sick....or I'm bored. Both. :) (and I have a thesis paper to write that I'm reeeeally trying to avoid). My Bella is changing a little. She's kinda coming into her own, and this is where I need to state, incredibly convincingly, Bella is not mine. Stephenie Meyer owns her, I've just borrowed her and worked some artistic license to make her what I'd like her to be. I'm also kinda cheered by the fact my Borders had a sale, and my little niece, six, dug through the sale box til she found what she was looking for. Initially, I thought it was some doll she liked. Nope. It was some doll I liked. Jasper was marked down, to $9.99 I couldn't just leave him there. :) Without further ado.....(ps. mini lemon below)

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BPOVPeter and Jasper sat in something of a circle with me in a field past the creek. Jasper was looking at me, trying to find his words. "Bella.....I know you can switch yourself off. We just need to work out how you can switch everyone else off." I nodded, "Jas.....I've tried everything you've taught me. Nothing works....at least not for long." Peter smiled then, "Bella.....sit still a minute. Just....shut everything down. Emotions, thoughts, anything you can make still and silent, do it." I nodded, a few moments passed before I felt it. Or, didn't, as the case was. I could tell, not that I'd opened my eyes, that Peter was trying to ignite Jasper's temper to test me, but I felt none of it. I smiled, and Jasper frowned, "Peter, she can't spend the rest of her life feeling nothing, to keep everyone else out." I nodded, "Agreed Peter. Yes, it works but...." He cut me off, "I'm not saying you need to shut everyone out like that. I'm trying to get you to understand what part of you switches the incoming off, when you switch the outgoing off." I sighed, flopping back in the grass, "This is never going to work."

Jasper moved to come to me, but Peter held him back, "Bella....you can't be like that. We're here, helping you. we don't have to be, you don't have to be. If you don't want our help Isabella, simply say so." Something in his voice stung me, hurt me to the core, and I stood, angry. "If you didn't want to be here Peter........." I stomped off into the distance, headed back for the house. I didn't have the patience for him.

JPOV

I found her, curled up in the empty bathtub, sobbing. "Bella....darlin'......What is it?" "He hates me. He probably has all along, and was being nice for your sake. I'm wasting his time Jasper. This is pointless." She was furious, I could feel it radiating off of her like steam from the subway in winter. "darlin'.......He doesn't hate you. Peter is so infatuated with you it's impossible for me to stay calm sometimes." She looked at me, shock all over her face, "You're lying." I shook my head, "Nope. If i didn't know he was head over heels with Char, I'd never bring you here. He'd be on you in a heartbeat." I blushed, "Well that makes it worse." I smiled, climbing into the bathtub, looking around me, at where we were sitting, "I'm not even gonna ask about....this. But Peter cares about you darlin'. You're part of me, and that makes you a part of he and Charlotte. He wants to help. He can't if you won't let him." I blushed again, "Well....I did overreact. Maybe." "Maybe Darlin'? I think.....you might have to apologize." I nodded, standing up, "Yep. I know. Where is he." Jasper stood and hugged me, "Outside, waiting. He was hoping you'd come back to try again."

BPOV

A week passed by, incredibly slowly. I'd been trying, hard, everything Peter was teaching me was helping, but nothing worked perfectly. When Friday rolled around, I was wandering the porch, one of Jasper's cigarettes in my fingers, Charlotte watching me like a hawk, "You know honey, he'll kill you if he catches you smoking those." I looked at her, "No.....maybe. I'll be finished in a moment." She smiled as she waggled her finger at me, and then I stubbed out the last of it. "See? Done. Now....Where's Peter's friend?" Charlotte grinned, "Jose? He's around...somewhere. So, you like tequila Bella?" I shrugged, "I have nothing to compare it to.....but yeah. It's alright." Jasper smiled, appearing from behind me with four glasses and a new bottle. "Did someone say Jose?" I giggled, "Let's hunt first. It feels wrong to drink before the sun has set properly."

After our hunt, we played drinking games, Charlotte began, "I've never ever kissed a girl." We all drank, and Peter smiled, "Now if we'd played this last week, Bella, You'd have been one up on us three." I giggled, and Peter's turn arrived, "I've never ever had sex in the creek." I reluctantly joined them in my shot, and Peter's eyebrows shot up, "So you two were at it. I knew it." I blushed, Charlotte sent Peter a "shut up" look. Jasper's turn was funny more than anything, "I've never ever....ummm......worn a banana suit on a rooftop for a photo shoot". "Oookaaaay." was Charlotte's response, I giggled, and nobody drank. I thought hard a moment, and then "I've never ever thought about having sex with me. Bella." All three took a shot, and then Charlotte looked at my stunned expression, "You're gorgeous. There's always a place for you in my bed." I giggled, embarrassed, maybe more by Charlotte's admission than by Peter's drinking.

Jasper smiled seductively at me, his hat low over his face and only his beautiful teeth visible clearly. Damn, if I didn't want to jump him right there. He let out a low growl and realized he would have felt my lust. Blushing, I turned to Charlotte, "Your turn. Again." Charlotte looked thoughtful again, taking her time to choose the right question, "Ok. I've never ever ....hmm.....I'm trying to think of kinky stuff, but I wanna get Bella drunk." I giggled and slapped her playfully, stretching out to rest my head on Jasper's thigh. She smirked, "Okay. I've never ever thought there was something sexy about Carlisle." I blushed, and hung my head. Jasper nudged me, "Are you kiddin' me darlin'?" I shook my head as I swallowed my shot, "Give me a break, it was the first time I met him." Charlotte took her shot, and Peter glanced at Jasper, "You know you want to." Jasper grinned, punching him in the shoulder, "That's more Fagward's.....oh." He glanced at me, apologetic, and I smiled, "It's okay. You can make fun of him. I do."

Just then, Charlotte turned on the music again. I was ready for it this time, I made sure that while I danced near her, I kept enough distance. It was hard though, we'd downed quite a few shots by then, and the song wasn't helping. "I'm so addicted to...all the things you do....rolling round with me in between the sheets......" It was hot, and sexy and it was helping the alcohol make me feel incredibly self-confident. I bent over, spanking myself as I eyeballed Jasper over my hip, even though part of me wanted to giggle, the mesmerized look on his face kept me going. I let Charlotte pull me in to her, dancing closer until her hands were in my hair, and I discovered I was actually comfortable with my hands on her lower back. "Oh and the sounds you make....every breath you take...." I closed my eyes and threw my head back, I was enjoying being Bella with no responsibilities, nobody telling me how to behave, nobody's feelings to hurt. This time, when Charlotte kissed me, I let her. I even kissed her back; instead of thinking about how weird it was, I relaxed and simply thought about the sensation. I laughed throatily when I felt Jasper's strong hands wrap around my waist, picking me up and pulling me against him, his voice welcome in my ear, "Isabella Marie Whitlock......you need to come with me."

I giggled and let him carry me into the darkness nearby, pressing me up against the wall of the barn, his hands making short work of my jeans and my shirt. In between his urgent kisses, he spoke to me, "Did you like that, when Char kissed you? Goddamn Bella, it was one of the hottest things I've seen from you." I blushed, and he went on, "Does it make you hot, to know was hard, sitting there watching you?" I nodded, he looked me in the eye as he spoke next, "Did you imagine me fucking you while you kissed her Bella?" I blushed but nodded, my breath hitching as he rammed his cock inside me. I dug my nails into the siding on the barn, wrapped my legs tighter around his waist, and bit his shoulder as I cried out in ecstasy. I heard Peter call from the hay bales, "Go Whitlock!" I giggled, then lost myself again as the wave of my orgasm rushed up on me. Before I could blink, Jasper had my shirt and my jeans back on, and was smoothing down my hair as he grinned wickedly. I looked at him, "What?" He shrugged, kissing my cheek and teasingly walking away, "You didn't think we were done yet, did you?" I giggled again, following him back to where Peter and Charlotte had the cards out again. "I'm not playing strip anything tonight." Peter laughed, "It's okay Bella. We weren't suggesting it. We were thinking just plain old 21. You up for that?" I shrugged, nestled in the space between Jasper's legs, as he sat with his knees pulled up, leaning on a bale. We needed to visit with Peter and Char more often.

True, I was working harder than ever at controlling my gift, but the hair down weekends were more than making up for it.

Three more days passed before I made any real progress. We were outside, Peter had been arguing with Charlotte all morning about god knows what, and I got so sick of hearing them that I kicked the post on the porch, and looked at Jasper, "Agh! I just want them to stop!" And suddenly they did. Not the yelling, that continued, but the outpouring of anger and frustration had ceased. Jasper looked at me, my mouth forming an 'O' of surprise. "What darlin'?" "I think I made them.....nope. It's back." I tried to think how I'd made it stop, after five minutes I was almost ready to tear my hair out when it stopped again. I giggled, and hugged Jasper, "I have it. I know....I think I know. They aren't having any affect at all."

It was short lived, but at least I had a clue. I just simply had to concentrate on not feeling their emotions, and if I did it well enough, I could. At this point, I could only close myself from everyone, but Jasper thought perhaps with practice, I could learn to close out specific feelings, staying open to the ones I wanted to feel. I turned, "Peter? Charlotte? Quite arguing and C'mere."

Charlotte looked admonished when she appeared, "Sorry honey. Is something wrong?" I shook my head, and then Peter grinned, hugging me, "She's figured it out." I laughed, "Somewhat. I can't single things out yet but.....I'm working on it." Peter set me down, "Look, I know, we said no parties anymore but.....I feel like we need to do something. The movies maybe?" I giggled, "If you want. I don't think the sun's going down anytime soon though." Jasper smiled, "Darlin'.....Peter and Char do the movies a little differently."

That was how we ended up sitting on the roof, with a bottle of wine, watching a movie projected onto the side of the Barn. It was nice, the breeze was coming off the creek, bringing with it the sweetness of the flowers growing on it's banks. I closed my eyes, and let myself drift away. Just lately I found myself doing it more and more often, just closing my eyes and enjoying the feeling it bought with it. It was a peaceful time, solitude even in the crowd, something that was all mine to enjoy at leisure.

JPOV

I felt her go limp in my arms and assumed she was simply relaxing into me. When she hadn't stirred an hour later, I was worried. I gently touched her shoulder, "Bella?" She smiled sweetly, but didn't open her eyes, so I tried again, "Bella? Bella, open your eyes for me." She murmured something, and rolled to her side, but didn't open. It wasn't like Bella to play games, "Bella? Really, darlin'.....quit it. This is serious, stop playing." She snuggled closer in to my thigh, a soft sigh like a cool breeze through my jeans. Charlotte looked at me, "Everything okay?" I shook my head, "She won't open her eyes. We haven't drunk that much, have we Pete?" He shook his head, holding up a still 3/4 full bottle, "Definitely not." I slapped her then, fear gripping me like a vice, and she shot up, her teeth bared and venom dripping, "What?!?!?" I held my hand out to her, "I'm sorry darlin'. You wouldn't open your eyes....and I was worried...." She sighed, and looked at me, "I need to go lay down inside." I made to follow her but she shook her head, "No, you finish the movie with the others. I need to call Carlisle anyway." So I let her go, even though curiosity was eating at me like crazy.

BPOV

It felt like Carlisle's phone rang forever. I was ready to hang up and redial when he picked up, "Isabella? Is everything alright?" I flopped onto the bed on my stomach, "Yes. No. I don't....Carlisle, we can't sleep, right?" He laughed, "You sound undecided Bella. No, dear, we do not sleep." "So how come I can?" Carlisle coughed, not expecting my bluntness, "Isabella?" He was confused, but didn't want me to feel bad, I knew. "Carlisle.....it's just.....are you busy at the hospital?" "Well no. This is my short week. I finished tonight." "Can you come here.....please?" I fought to keep the little girl pleading from my voice. He had to know it wasn't an option to go home until I was okay within myself. "Well....Bella....I don't.....Do you really...." Something was distracting him, it wasn't like Carlisle to be so....indefinite, so undecided. His voice was rushed then, "Isabella, I have to go. Edward." I sat, listening to the beeps after he'd hung up, and had never felt more alone. I stayed like that until Jasper came inside, just listening to the beeps, feeling so small.


	33. Impossible?

A/N: Sorry guys! Life has been hectic (i know i keep saying it's better and then there's huge delays but my provider is just...aw hell, it's awful. My internet is nonexistent most days right now so bear with me). Thank you all for your reassuring reviews. This is the first of three chapters I'll post tonight! :) Stick with me, my story might seem like it's going down the usual path but it isn't, I promise. Not directly anyway. Love ya! xx

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I tried calling, twice more before Jasper came to our room, both times it diverted to Voicemail. My third try was interrupted by his appearance, I smiled and put the phone on the nightstand. "Who was that darlin'?" I shook my head, "I was just trying Carlisle." He kissed me, pushing my hair off my face before pulling me down, onto the bed beside him. "Bella.....everything will be okay." I nodded, "I know. It's just......I dunno. Why is everything weird mine?" He laughed then, "Darlin'.....it's not weird, it's unique. Same as when you were....human, you had different eyes and different hair. It makes you who you are." I nodded, thinking. Commonsense was out the window, and I found my self analyzing the call, trying to figure the point at which I'd made Carlisle think I was crazy, and needed ignoring.

Two days. Two days had almost passed since I called him. I was losing my mind. Carlisle was as much my father as Charlie was, for him to be so brusque with me had hurt, made me feel I had let him down somehow. Jasper knew something was up, because I was walking to the fork in the road, watching, for hours at a time. He kept himself out of my way, helping Peter repair some machinery and things around the property; Charlotte took time to do my hair, or simply sit with me, never once asking what I was waiting for.

The evening of the second day, Peter and Charlotte went to hunt in town, Jasper to hunt in the woods nearby. I chose to stay home; I didn't think I could bear the thought of feeling whatever I hunted's last emotions, I had little enough control over my own lately. I was sitting on the porch, smoking one of Jasper's cigarettes and thinking. I was replaying my conversation with Carlisle for the thousandth time, analyzing each word carefully, trying to find a word, maybe an inflection that had disappointed him, maybe.....pissed him off. I was so busy thinking I didn't notice the car on the road until it stopped in front of the house.

I stood, rubbing my eyes as if I were dreaming. Surely I was, nobody knew where we were, not even Carlisle. So how was he......He stepped from the car and I flung myself at him, tears streaming down my face, my words mumbled and garbled as I tried to apologize while I hugged myself to him. He simply stood, holding me, saying nothing. Not even when Jasper returned, they had a silent exchange and Jasper simply patted my back as he went inside.

When I'd settled, Carlisle took my hand, and we walked. We walked until I was ready to speak, and then it all came out in a tumbled rush, "Carlisle! I don't understand. Nothing is how you said it would be, nothing. Suddenly I have this gift that's getting stronger than I am, and I can't keep up, suddenly I'm sleeping. SLEEPING!! We don't sleep, you've all been crystal clear on that. We don't "feel" things like tired, or sick, or...or....anything like that. And why the hell can I cry? Tears, real tears. There's something wrong. What's wrong with me? Why am I so weird? I just want to be the same. Edward was right....I wasn't made for this. Something's wrong. I'm not right."

I fell to the ground at his feet, my hair stuck to my tear streaked face, the dirt from my hands sticking my cheeks and I looked up at him, pleading, desperate for him to tell me all the answers even though I knew he had none. My voice dropped to a desperate whisper, "Carlisle....Help. Edward.......he was right. I should have listened. I'm a strain on Jasper, he'll hate me soon enough. This was.....it has to have been a mistake."

I thought he'd walked away from me, i jumped in surprise as I felt his arms touching mine, lifting me from where I'd sprawled on the dusty ground. He held me to him as he carried me into the house, his voice calm, steadying, saying the things I needed to hear, "Isabella, dear, Hush now. This was not a mistake, Jasper wouldn't...none of us, would trade you for anything. Edward was worried about you, yes, but he was worried you weren't strong enough to live our lives...he worried, about your soul Isabella. You are strong enough Isabella, you very certainly are." I slowed crying, as he set me on the bed, his words continued, "Dear, we'll work this out. There's nothing wrong with you Bella, nothing at all. You've just retained some of your humanity, and, to be honest.....that may not be a bad thing."

He looked at me as he kissed my forehead and pulled the quilt over me, "Bella, dear, we all love you very much. All of us will do what we can to help figure this out." I nodded, somewhat placated by his words. I trusted Carlisle. Despite the doubt in the back of my mind, I had to believe he knew best. As he made to leave, I opened my mouth, "Why did you hang up the way you did? I thought I'd done something wrong." I felt tears running again, and sighed internally. When would this end? I was a ridiculous emotional mess.

Carlisle's face softened, and he smiled at me, "Dear Bella.....you could never do something wrong. Edward was coming to see who had called, I didn't want him to know anything more than he should." I nodded, "But...how did you know?" "Know what?" "That we were here." Carlisle smiled, a soft chuckle escaping his pink lips, "Isabella, where else would Jasper take you, if he knew you needed support and safety?" I smiled, and closed my eyes. I needed to rest, it had been a huge afternoon.

I woke in the late hours of the night, Jasper reading beside me on the bed, Carlisle doing the same in a chair by my bedside. Jasper kissed my head, "Hey darlin'. Carlisle just has some monitors on you to help him figure things out. Don't panic." I nodded, but was asleep again in minutes, unable to keep my eyes open any longer.

JPOV

Bella was worrying me. I'd seen her lose it before, but never like this. It had frightened me, struck me to the core to see her from where I sat on the roof; drop to the ground in front of Carlisle, covered in tears, sounding so despondent. The worst feeling was not knowing what to do, it had ceased to be something I could simply put an end to by kissing her, holding her close, telling her how much I loved her. This was bigger. Even Carlisle seemed to be having trouble convincing her that we would find a solution; that was frightening. Carlisle was Bella's idol, he knew all the answers, always found a solution, always had a right way to do something.

I waited until I knew he had her settled inside, and I joined her, sitting beside her on the covers with my book. I wanted to be there if she should wake up, I didn't want her to be alone. It had hurt me, disheartened me to hear her say her change was a mistake, she was my everything. I knew Carlisle was right, she was just upset, and confused, but it had come from a seed of truth; I couldn't lose My Bella.

When she woke, I was reading beside her, I kissed her cheek, "hey Darlin'. Carlisle just has some monitors on you to help him figure things out. Don't panic." She nodded, but I wasn't sure she really understood, simply falling back asleep. I looked across at Carlisle, who was watching from where he read his book, "I think she's fine Jasper. Whatever it is, she doesn't seem to be having any irregular temperatures, or brain functions. I think, none of us will know until she does." I nodded, knowing I'd have hell on my hands when she woke and heard he had no solution. "Isn't there anything that might do this to her?"

Carlisle looked thoughtful, I was almost ready to snap my fingers by the time he answered me, he took so damn long, "Jasper, honestly? Nothing. I mean, in a human, there's plenty of things. But Bella....even if she has some human qualities, this has nothing to do with that. There'd be other signs, other symptoms." "What would it be?" "Jasper, it's not. It's not even worth...." I was mad now, angry. It wasn't like Carlisle to beat around the bush, "What?!" My voice was a little loud, Bella stirred in her sleep, "What?" I lowered my voice, "What Carlisle?"

He was battling with something, flustered, eventually resigning himself to the fact I would fight him til he told me. His voice was soft, cautious, I could feel the apprehension and the apology already flowing from him, "Carlisle?" I looked at him, and he ran his hand through his hair, "Jasper.....if Bella was still human I'd think she was pregnant." His words dropped like concrete in the air, heavy and dull. I sat stiff as a board, taking his words in but not really processing them, barely registering Peter's appearance at the door, "Jas? Come with me. I want to try out your animal hunting." I followed like a zombie, Carlisle's words swirling in my head. Bella. Pregnant. Impossible and yet if only we could hazard to dream......


	34. Silence

A/N: I know, I know, you all think you know what's coming. Well, I'll leave you guessing a while longer since you all jumped the gun. :P xx (i think this chapter is more fluff than anything, and for that, I'm sorry).

JPOV: Bella....pregnant? I had to be mindful I didn't let my enthusiasm wash over Peter or he'd call me out for what I was, Crazy. It surprised me he wanted to hunt, but I was hungry, and took to it easily. I made a mess, I had it in my hair, all over my shirt; my mind was on other things. It didn't take Peter long to figure it out, "Jasper, You look like shit brother. What's going on?" I wrestled inside with my answer. Too many words and Peter would think I was nuts, too few and he'd get pissed because I was being cryptic. Too late, I realized I had taken too long. "Jasper, for chrissakes, Are you fucking serious? How the hell could she be pregnant? Ridiculous." I shook my head, "I know Peter, I know. I just......" I sighed. He was right, and wishing for it to be so, hoping against everything I knew, was pointless. Impossible.

His next words were as though he'd plucked them right from my brain, "Jasper, it's not fair to Bella. Don't torture her with the thought. She's been through enough." I nodded again, squashing down the feelings of devastation I'd never let loose, not once since she'd lost the baby had I broken down, I'd always stayed strong, in charge, the calm in an ocean of hell and confusion for Bella. I felt that hold slip, once, twice, and then Peter's hand on my shoulder was simply too much. "Brother, let it go. She's safe inside with Carlisle, just let it out. Nobody can hear." I nodded, dropping my head, and then to my knees as I let it all free. I yelled, and I screamed, I beat the ground and I uprooted a nearby tree, for two or three hours until Peter's voice rang out in the silence, "Stop." It was a simple command, and I complied instantly. He was right, it was time to go back to My Bella. I wiped my face on his offered handkerchief, swallowed the guilt I'd let run free, and began the trek back to the house. If we couldn't have the child I knew we both wished for, then there was no need for Bella to even be aware it had been considered.

BPOV

I woke, Carlisle was there, reading. "Jasper?" Carlisle smiled, "He's hunting Bella. Would you like me to get him for you?" I shook my head, noticing I felt sweaty and gross, "Carlisle? Why am I?" I held up my arm, shiny with damp. He smiled, "Charlotte just wiped you down dear. We weren't sure if you'd wake for a shower so she did the next best thing." I blushed, and he grinned, "I did notice she's quite fond of you, yes." I giggled, "So am I human or Vampire?" Carlisle sighed, but Jasper interrupted him, "You're a worn out Bella." I was tired, but I was sure I'd seen them exchange a knowing glance before Jasper plunked down next to me, "I love you darlin'. You're fine, right?" Carlisle smiled, "She is indeed." He smoothed his trousers, "So the next big question......Bella, Jasper....do you think you'll come home soon?" I flopped back onto the pillows, unsure whether I was annoyed or happy they missed us. Jasper looked from me to Carlisle, "I think Carlisle, that Bella will know when she's ready, and I won't be pressin' her for any specifics." There it was again, that knowing look. I would get to the bottom of this goddamnit, if it killed me.

It was late the next day, Charlotte had opened the heavy drapes and I could see the sun setting. I want to play poker." Jasper looked surprised, and the glanced at Carlisle, as if telling me this was still my father. I giggled, "Not that poker. Just.....regular. Like before. We can play for....I dunno. Not money." Peter stuck his head in the room, "There's my girl. We can absolutely play poker. The good doctor might even join us. Perhaps imbibe in some robust vino as well?" I giggled again as I got out of bed, leaning on Jasper's offered arm, "I need a shower. The rest of you, get ready to get beat." Jasper laughed, spreading his warmth throughout the room, "Y'all heard the lady, goorn, git. There's a game to be played."

I felt better after the warm water washed the dust away, my hair pulled up into a messy bun, one of Jasper's check shirts knotted around my waist. My jeans were loose and sat super low, the waist of my boyshorts peeking cheekily out. I dabbed some gloss on my lips, looking at my eyes. They were darker than usual, I'd need to feed sometime soon. Pinching my cheeks I skipped downstairs and out to the bales. This was becoming a habit I wasn't sure I wanted to give up. "Who's ready to lose big time?"

CPOV

The Bella in front of me was a hustler, a hardened Poker player who had no tell and was a no holds bet placer. I was surprised, and a little impressed. She knew exactly how to rile and play Peter and Jasper, went easy on Charlotte who seemed to be playing merely for something to do. I noticed she was heavy handed with her drinks as well, for every glass Jasper put away, she'd put away two; and it wasn't just wine. She may have thought she was cleverly hiding her tequila shots with Charlotte by doing them in the house, but I hadn't been around this long without knowing what certain things sound like. I made a mental note to talk to her in the morning, for now I'd let her have fun.

When she tired of playing cards (truth be told she'd simply won all of our chips), she lay back into Jasper's arms, while he loosened her hair. It fell in cascades over her shoulders, in the glow of the lantern she very much resembled the shy, quiet girl Edward had first bought home all that time ago. She was so very beautiful, and strong, but it would do me, as well as the others to remember she was still that shy, quiet girl inside. Bella suffered the same fears, the same highs and lows and Human Bella had, and, in a worryingly, increasingly evident pattern, possibly in a heightened state of emotion.

JPOV

I noticed Carlisle watching her from across the way. He was very much in awe of her, from what I could feel anyway, but it was tinged with concern. He was worried as well, it wasn't like Bella to be this.....up and down. Either something was coming, or she was already hiding something, and doing a damn fine job of it. I worked my hands gently through the tangles in her long hair as we sat quietly, invoking a curse word as I snagged, my attention distracted by something coming from Peter. I saw him eyeball me as Bella shrieked, "Jesus Jasper! Ouch!!" She blushed, whispering "Sorry" as she settled back into my arms, but my interest was piqued now. Peter had an uncanny way of knowing "stuff", I wanted to find out exactly what he was keeping.

BPOV

I'd almost managed to shut everyone out sitting around, playing cards. That had been my test. I didn't want to bring it up beforehand because I wanted to be able to stand on my own feet, have nobody trying to help, to be able to say "Hey! Look what I did!". Almost. Peter's emotions were running on and off, impossible for me to block completely. The looks he kept sending my way suggested he knew exactly how he was messing with my plans, and it made me angry. If he knew what I was trying, why interrupt me? Then Jasper broke my concentration when he hit a snag in my hair, "Jesus Jasper!" escaped my mouth before I could stop it, "Sorry" was all I could whisper as I blushed. Slinking back down, I sighed. How was I going to drag Peter away from everyone? He'd already hunted with Jasper.

Like a sign in the midst of all hopelessness, Carlisle rescued me. "Jasper? Perhaps you would show me where you hunt?" His question was more of an order, and Jasper couldn't decline without looking like an ass, so he simply nodded, "Okay. You wanna go now?" Carlisle nodded as he stood, Jasper leant to kiss me, "Night Darlin'. If you get sleepy, you just close those pretty lil peepers and do it. I can keep myself occupied enough for the two of us sugar." I nodded, hugging him to me very tightly, "I love you Jasper Whitlock." He looked at me, smiling, it made it all the way to his eyes and the love he felt washed over me in a crushing wave, "I love you too Isabella Whitlock." He grinned, "Now get your sweet ass off to bed before I have to make you." I giggled, watching as he and Carlisle walked into the woods. They'd be gone a few hours, I was counting on at least two.

"Peter. C'mere." I held out my hand and he took it, following me to the porch. "What's up Isabella? You never want to hang out with old brother Petey anymore." I looked at him, "Peter. SO not in the mood." His face turned serious, something I'd seen little of, and he offered me a lit cigarette, "Here. Helps you think, I know." I nodded, accepting and taking a drag, "Peter....what do you know?" He looked curious, "About?" "About anything. Do you know something about how.....odd I am?" "I know that we are saying goodbye to you in two days. You miss Carlisle and Esme, and Rose. For some reason you really miss that frosty bitch." I nodded, "I'm talking more specific, maybe more important? You're hot and cold. Damn you, you broke my concentration damn near a million fucking times." He looked shocked at my language, and I blushed, "Sorry. I know, my mouth is filthy." "It's not just your mouth that's filthy sweetheart, your mind's pretty rotten as well at times." I made a small "o" with my mouth, before becoming indignant, even before I started I knew I'd been baited, "Since when the hell can you tell what's going on in there? At least I hold back, and don't pry." He laughed, "Relax Bella. I can't read your thoughts any more than you can really read mine without breaking in first. I woke you up though, huh?" I nodded, still peeved.

"Peter? What are Jasper and Carlisle hiding?" Peter shrugged, "S'up to them sweetheart. I'm not going to tell you something they think you don't need to know." He sighed, and then smiled, "Bella, honey, listen. I'm about to be as cryptically annoying as Alice, but listen to me, and believe me. Don't pressure them. The truth will be revealed when it's time, when you're ready to hear. Promise me." I sighed, pushing my hair off my face and taking another drag, "Peter.....god knows why, but....okay. I promise. If Carlisle and Jasper are hiding something from me, I won't bug them." Peter grinned, "Good. Now, how about we find you some food? Your eyes are even starting to freak me out." I swatted him as I ran into the woods, hearing him follow. he was right. As much as I was having a ball here, it was time to accept my life, accept my gifts would be dealt with in time; I needed my family.

In bed that night, waiting for Jasper, I felt sick again, my stomach doing flip flops. I wondered if it was the alcohol, if perhaps I was finally drunk, or at worst, hung-over. Already. I pulled the quilt over my eyes, shutting out the soft candle light. I'd left one burning in the window for Jasper to come to. I wasn't sure how to bring up what I wanted to with him, and I knew Carlisle would laugh me all the way home if I were to ask him. I needed to know though. My mind whirred as I thought of all the possibilities, all the ways and ins and outs I knew; all the ways I knew it could never happen. It couldn't, right? I had to be certain, more than the 110% I was now.

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that when Jasper climbed into bed and pulled me into his arms, my words tumbled out before I could stop them, "Jasper? I can't possibly be pregnant, can I?" I felt his anguish before he spoke, and at that moment I simply shut down. My voice became small, my emotions nonexistent, "Jasper? Impossible. Right?" His silence was deafening.


	35. Home

A/N: I had the loveliest review from someone, and it made me feel special. :) So thankyou, you know who you are. Inspired by.....no, actually, nothing specific inspired this chapter, the next is def my 16 yo cousins iPod playlist, which she swears is influential. Maybe. You tell me, it follows shortly.

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JPOV

I pulled her into my arms but I already knew something was coming, she was tense and her emotions were changing wildly, "Jasper? I can't possibly be pregnant, can I?" I was torn, I knew I was doing a shitty job of hiding my anguish from her, because her next words flew out in a timid, childlike voice, even if they rang with desperation, "Jasper? Impossible...right?" She lay in my arms, still, waiting, and I was unable to speak.

I was reluctant to hurt her, to squash her dreams as violently as my own had been when I'd seen sense in what I'd been hoping, but I didn't want her to cling to something untrue either. She was patient, waiting, apprehensive but continuing to lay in my arms. I hadn't lost her yet. I sighed, held her to me more tightly, ten minutes later I broke the silence, "Bella......yes. Impossible." "But I....I mean, does Carlisle think that....." "No, darlin'. Carlisle doesn't think it could be. It's not. I'm sorry."

She nodded, and I could feel the wet tears drip onto my chest before she made a sound. I sat up, pulling her with me, pushing her hair from her face and kissing it all over before looking at her, "Bella.....I'm sorry darlin'. I....." I ducked my head a minute, "I thought for a while....that maybe....but no. I'm sorry. Oh darlin'.....you don't know how sorry I am." She nodded, sniffling, her words hard to understand in between sobs, she was past the point of caring who overheard everything now, "But....I thought maybe....if I was still a bit human....even just a tiny little part of me....maybe....we could.....and you would......Jasper.....a child and......love me more......so.....let down."

I was shocked, and knew exactly what she'd been trying to say, "No, darlin'....god no. I could never love you more than I do now. I don't think there's enough love in the world to match how much I love you now darlin'.....and you didn't let me down. What happened when you were human was in no way your fault sugar, no way at all. You know that. You're a smart woman Bella, you know it isn't your fault." She nodded, burying her face in my neck, "But I know it's the one thing....you really........I wanted it so bad Jas." I held her while she cried, struggling to see how this was becoming so overpowering.

Bella had been through this before, in a much more serious, real way. "Bella......stop, please darlin'. You're......just, please." She stopped instantly, like I'd simply turned the faucet off. "Bella?" She nodded, her voice small in the dark as I felt her leave my arms and rise from the bed, "Jasper, I need to be alone." She left in a flurry of hastily thrown on clothes, and I was left feeling as empty as when I'd first realized Carlisle was right.

BPOV

I moved blindly through the woods, my eyes filled with blurry tears and my mind filled with too many thoughts. I screamed into the darkness, a primal, guttural cry, and was rewarded with the dim echo of myself. I ran further, screaming again; again, just the dim reverberation of my own sound. I stumbled once, twice, a third time, falling into a ditch nearby, and staying there. I was furious and sad and confused all at once, and I wasn't sure how to feel about Jasper's indifference to the whole problem.

How could Carlisle know? How did he know, inherently, undeniably, that it wasn't possible? I wanted this more than I had ever wanted anything. More than Jasper when I'd realised I was in love with him. more than.....More than anything. I needed to find someone who would sympathise, someone who would help me fight for this. Someone who understood what it was like to lose your world and........Oh my god.

JPOV

It was six hours since Bella had left, Peter and Charlotte were up and looking for her outside, Carlisle had gone down the road to see if he could pick up her scent. I was wandering the house, trying to guess where she might hide away if she was looking to be alone.

Eight hours, Ten hours, then Twelve. I was driving everyone insane with my worry and fear, eventually Peter hit me around the ears, "Jasper, fuck. Can you give it a rest brother? She's probably out there trying to get her fucking head around all these crazy fucking events, and here you are, driving us all insane to the point of numbness." I shook my head, "Sorry guys. I just....it's Bella." Carlisle nodded his agreeance, "He's right. It isn't like Bella to be away from anyone for long. She doesn't like solitude."

After fifteen hours, I was pacing. We'd called the Forks house but no luck, nobody had seen her, and Alice was yet to have a vision. Peter pushed me over the edge when he spouted another of his cryptic quips, "She'll seek help in the most unlikely place". I slammed my fist on the table, shattering the mug beside it, looking apologetically at Char I swore, "Chrissakes Peter, you're a fuckin' asshole. A low brow, whorin', evil nasty son'a'bitch and I can't fuckin' take your shit anymore. It's fuckin' ridiculous." I left the room, taking off into the woods. I needed space, I needed quiet. I needed My Bella.

BPOV

I had to hope I'd find who I was looking for. I dared to dream that the place I knew I could find him was where he was, that I didn't have to check the hundreds of other places he "might" be. I ran, and ran, I didn't stop to hunt until I was almost collapsing with exhaustion; I was messy and disgusting in my fervor as I fed, a primal urge keeping me going. I was bothered by the image of Jasper in the back of my mind, no doubt just as beside himself by now as I was at being out here alone, but I was shutting it out. I couldn't afford to fail in my mission.

I knew, as I came closer, that I was a filthy dirty mess, but it didn't inspire me to stop, wash my face, or pull the grass, leaves and twigs from my long hair, which had been snagging and catching on anything I'd run past in the last day. I heard him before I smelt him, he was whispering something to himself. I was distracted by it, I hardly noticed that as I listened, I came closer, "Oh Bella, love. Why would you just take off like that? Why can't we find you? Poor Jasper."

I stopped short of him as he looked up at me, and I was taken back for a moment, surrounded by the flowers in bloom here, their sweet scent filling the air. It was even more beautiful in my new self, the sunlight even more bright, the colors even more vibrant. "Bella." His voice was relieved, but surprised. I simply nodded, and let him take me into his arms. I stayed still as I cried into his coat, as he pulled the leaves from my matted hair and made calming noises. I stayed still as I felt his lips brush the top of my head; as his soft lips whispered an apology by my ear.

I was here. I had finally reached my destination, and I would finally get my result. I would make them believe.

Edward sat with me in the meadow, listening to me talk. He let me ramble until I ceased completely, even waiting a few moments to begin his response, "Bella, love, please listen to me. I know that you think Carlisle has this all wrong, but......you understand he may very well be correct, don't you?" I nodded, tired, "I know. But.....I want to be sure. You must understand Edward. You....I knew I could count on you because you would understand." I sighed, my words betraying my fear of his reaction to my next statement, "I knew you would understand because you know what it's like to want something so wholeheartedly that it consumes you....even though you know you have to let it go."

His face stayed emotionless but his eyes and his feelings betrayed him. "I'm sorry." My words were hollow, echoing around the meadow, and I yawned then. "Bella? Did you just.....yawn?" I nodded, "I sleep." He didn't react, a simple, "Oh. I see." was his only response. He stood, offering me his hand, "Home?" I nodded, feeling my eyes begin to droop, "We need to go slow." He smiled, and I felt him pick me up and carry me as I drifted off to sleep.

JPOV

I pounced on my cell phone when it rang, frowning in confusion as I saw who it was. Why would Edward call? He knew we were away for time out. "I assume you have a good reason for...." He interrupted me, his voice worn and tired, "She's here. You and Carlisle need to come home. Jasper, she's lost her mind." "Can she hear you?" "No. I left her with Rosalie watching, she's asleep. Which is something else I want to..." "Later Edward. Chalk it up to Bella's uniqueness. Did she say anything? Did she....ask for me?"

Edward sighed, "She keeps saying she wants to know for certain that Carlisle is wrong. Jasper......she says she knows it isn't a possibility but...I'm really worried. She sounds like she's lost her mind." I pushed my hair out of my eyes, "Jesus. Edward....thank you. Can you watch her for me...please...until we can get there?" "Of course Jasper. Anything. And yes....she's been asking for you. She's dreaming about you I think.......she keeps saying something about Cards." I laughed a little, "She would. Edward, if she wakes, tell her I'm on my way.....Aw, hell. Tell her anyway."

BPOV

I don't remember waking, but I do remember hearing Edward's voice, "Bella? Love....Jasper and Carlisle are on the way." I mumbled something about playing cards, and then slipped back into my dreams. In them we were happy, Peter and Char, Carlisle, Jasper. We were drinking, and playing poker, and being free. In my dream, I still had the chance.

JPOV

She was looking drawn when I saw her in bed, Rosalie had showered her and put her into some pyjamas; I smiled when I recognized an old shirt of mine on her. Her hair was clean and braided, her nails clean and manicured. She was dreaming, he had been right, her face would contort into funny smirks and faces I knew from our nighttime poker games.

Her eyes flew open as I stepped into the room, "Jasper?" She was different. Determined. It rolled off of her like a tsunami, "Yes darlin'. Edward called, Carlisle and I came home." "So you know why I had to come back?" I sighed inwardly, "Yes darlin'. Carlisle has agreed to run a few tests." "Okay. Thank you....both." She sat up, and looked at her hands, touched her hair, panic in her voice, "Who....." I smiled, taking her tiny hands in my own, "Darlin'....it's alright. Rose cleaned you up. Edward says you were a bit of a mess when you found him."

BPOV

I nodded. I had been a horrific mess to be honest, it was totally unlike me. "I'm so sorry Jasper." He nodded, stroking my cheek, "I know darlin'. So.....Carlisle's setting up in his study, do you want to head down there?" I smiled, cheered by this news, "Yes. I'm quite excited." Jasper's silence said more than any words could have, and I was disappointed in his disbelief. I was so certain Carlisle would be wrong.


	36. Reality

A/N: I know i've been writing fluff lately, and I owe you guys an apology. I've been sick, and I totally didn't put a whole lot of effort in where I could/should have :P Thanks for sticking with me anyway, it means a lot. I woke this morning at 3 am (after only going to bed at 12midnight), and we leave for a day trip at 6. I decided I'd write because there was no chance of getting back to sleep, if things go funny places, it's totally not my fault. :) (looks like it pays off though....6 pages!!)

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BPOV

Carlisle was waiting in his study, I felt the familiar butterflies when I saw the blood test needle set up; not any more at ease by the appearance of an assortment of unrecognizable instruments. Carlisle sensed my nerves, he smiled warmly, "Bella, relax. These aren't all for you. I was just cleaning out my bag. Have a seat." He gestured to the chair by his desk and I sat, unable to calm down. I shook so much with nerves when Carlisle picked up the collection tubes that Jasper stepped in, taking my face between his hands, "Bella. Stop. Calm down." He kissed me, then looked in my eyes, searching for something, I wasn't sure what, maybe my sanity. "Bella, darlin'.....close your eyes."

He crouched down beside me, holding my free hand, "Darlin'.....close your eyes and think about......think about our wedding." I smiled, my eyes closed, and I thought back to that beautiful day. "Darlin'.....Bella. Think how happy everyone was. How excited Charlie was, how much you wanted that day to last." I smiled again, "You looked hot." He grinned, I could tell, and then kissed my hand, "Isabella......I promised to love you better or worse. Whatever happens with these tests darlin'....I still love you. Always will." I blushed, trying to stop the tears pricking my eyes.

Carlisle cleared his throat, "All done." I opened my eyes, stunned. I hadn't even felt the needle prick. "Are you serious?" Carlisle laughed, "Yes Isabella. I'm all done. I'll take those to the hospital tonight and we'll have the results in the morning." I smiled, this was my opportunity. "Bella, listen to me. You need to prepare yourself.....the news may not be what you're hoping." I nodded, but I wasn't really ready to accept anything other than what I wanted to hear. I stood, looking at Jasper, "Is it okay if I go find Rose? I want to talk with her a while." Jasper nodded, "Okay darlin'. I'll be readin' on the porch when you're done." I kissed him, holding him to me like I was afraid I'd lose him. "Darlin'.....I'm not goin' anywhere."

Rose was sitting in the middle of their giant bed, flicking through some French fashion magazine, "Is Alice here?" "No babe, she's out somewhere. You want me to call her for you?" I shook my head and lay beside Rosalie, "No. I wanted to talk to you." She played with my hair, "Bells....I'm worried about you." "I'm fine Rose.....honest." "You're not. Don't lie to me. Lie to yourself all you want....but not to me." I was stunned into silence, just laying still and enjoying the soothing feel of Rosalie's gentle fingers in my hair. "Bells.....you're my sister. My best friend. I just.......you need to be honest here. Carlisle is doing these tests to prove to you physically it's not possible." I stiffened, bristling. How would Rosalie know? She was just jealous. I would have something she couldn't and it tore her.....No. That was mean. Rosalie loved me. If this was a reality she'd be behind me all the way....wouldn't she?

"Bella. Please. You know how I'd feel if there was a possibility." She knew what I was thinking then. I looked up at her, my eyes misty, my hair still in her hands, and leant against her leg, "Rose......you have to understand. You of all people. Even Edward didn't......." Rose's eyes widened in surprise, as she realized what I was saying. "You came to Edward because you thought he would help you win the fight." I nodded, and she sighed, "Oh babe. Oh babe....I'm so sorry." She leant down and hugged me, "Bella....I understand. I do, completely. As much as it hurts me to say this.......Bella, there's little chance this will turn out how you want it to. So small." Rosalie's voice caught in her throat, and I knew she was thinking of the missed opportunity, hers and mine. After a moment, she kept going, "Bella......I just don't want you to be hurt. Not like....well......" Her face said it all. Her voice said it even more firmly, "Bells....when he left you, when he hurt you.......both times I was afraid we'd lose you. Lose you lose you. Like.....gone for good, over the edge." Rosalie smoothed my hair and hugged my shoulders, "Bella....this is the first time I've doubted my surety....I'm scared we'll never get you back from this." When I looked up at Rose, her eyes were wide, but misty, and her hand was on her mouth, like she was trying to keep something inside. I knew exactly what, because I was having enough trouble myself.

I let her hug me to her, and the tears ran freely. "Rose....I'm sorry. I just....I wanted it so....sooooo badly. You have to understand. I....I'm sorry I didn't come to you first." "Bella....I understand why you went to Edward. I'm sorry he didn't understand. But Bella....honestly? I don't know if I would have either, not at first."

I was confused. Was Rose telling me she wouldn't have understood my desire for a baby? Rosalie? This couldn't be my best friend, it wasn't possible. I looked at the beautiful young woman in front of me, and hardly knew her. I felt myself backing away, even as Rose stared at me like I'd gone mad. They all thought so, I was sure. "I need to.....go." My voice was soft, betraying my hurt as I left, running blindly through the house and outside. I didn't stop until I reached the middle of the woods, and sat down on a fallen tree. Not even Rose! Not even my own sister, my very best friend, could understand this obsession; this need to fulfill something I thought had been taken from me.

I closed my eyes, listening to the sounds of the woods. The whisper of the breeze in the tree tops, the gentle creaking of the branches as the temperature dropped with each hour that passed. Before long, I couldn't open them even if I'd wanted, and let myself drift into sleep.

I was running, the wind was in my hair; Jasper was there, and Rose, Edward. Carlisle too, his smile was sad, disappointed, but now I could see it wasn't my fault. He was disappointed because of what he had to tell me. I buried my head in my hands before finding myself in Jasper's arms; I buried my face in his chest and sobbed. Despite the fact that I knew he was right, that my mind knew it had been an impossibility and I'd been irrational and wrong to think otherwise, I cried. I cried for the apprehension I'd felt, the positive result I'd been so sure of; I cried for the lost opportunity, the inability to leave a legacy. Most of all I cried for the damage I felt I'd done to my family with my selfishness; worried it might be irreparable.

JPOV

We found her asleep by a fallen tree, curled into a ball; I found myself taken back to when he'd left, and she'd been found, shattered and broken in the woods. I had to swallow the instinctive anger I felt rising in me, in some ways it was his fault we were here again but I couldn't let that overtake me. My Bella needed me, I needed to fix her, help her. Rose lifted her up, speaking softly into her ear, so quiet even Carlisle looked like he didn't know what she was saying. Bella woke up, Carlisle looked her in the eye and his face said more than his words would be able, "Bella....I'm so very sorry dear...." his heart was breaking just as my own; just as My Bella's was. Rose passed her to me, the broken emotions pouring from her so overwhelming it took me a moment to realize she had lost her control, what was flowing from her now was raw, untamed, and a true indication of just how hurt she was by this news.

As My Bella buried her face in my chest I picked her up, trying to calm her as best I could, my voice a gentle whisper in her ear, "Bella....darlin'.....shhh.....it will all be okay. Nobody is angry at you.......it's okay to be upset. Darlin'.......I'm sorry. Shhhh......." By the time we reached the house she had quieted down, in the seconds it took to get her into our room she was all but asleep. I lay her beside me in the bed after I'd pulled off her damp clothes, pulling the quilt and blankets over us, tucking us into a safe, warm cocoon. Bella kissed me, with more intensity and emotion I'd felt in a long time and I knew we were fine. My Bella was coming back to me, whatever dark demon had had its hold on her was gone and she could reclaim herself now. "SHhhh Darlin'.....sleep now. When you wake up it will be a new day, and the beginning of some new plans. I promise, nothing will hurt you anymore." She smiled sleepily, reaching up and touching my cheek before tangling her fingers gently in my messy hair. She lay on my chest like a child, one hand in my hair, the other curled protectively around my neck, and exhausted, fell into a deep sleep.

BPOV

I woke to sunlight pouring through the open curtains, the window pushed high and the fresh smell of sunlight inviting to my senses. Jasper's warm scent of musky leather, fresh grass and the hint of cigarettes filled my lungs; I smiled. "Hello." My words hung in the air a short moment before being greeted by his gentle, loving reply, "Good mornin' darlin'. I love you." I smiled, "I love you too." I stretched luxuriously and knew, deep down, that if I never discussed anything that had happened again, it was okay. It was understood and accepted, and there was nothing more that needed to be said. I had a clean slate to start afresh with, and I planned on putting it to good use.

"Darlin'? Can you take this for a minute?" I looked across and caught the tool belt Jasper was slinging towards me, smiling. I looped it across my body, following him from the tool shed out to the waiting truck in the drive. "Whose is this?" I asked as I climbed in, I'd certainly never seen it before. Rosalie grinned from the middle seat, "Who's do you want it to be? I had you in mind when I picked it out but....." She shrugged, smiling, and put her arm across my shoulders, "I mean....if you don't want a truck with next to no miles and complete reliability, I'm sure Em will gladly take it off your hands." I glanced back at my lump of a brother sitting in the back, he grinned, "Be glad to Bells."

I giggled, shaking my head, my long hair blowing in the breeze from the open windows as Jasper's took us down a dirt road I'd never noticed running down behind the house, "No....I mean, I'm sure someday, I'll find a use for it. Maybe I could plant flowers in back, look at it while I wash dishes or something." Emmett looked disgusted with me, "Bells.....you can't be.....Oh." The rest of us were laughing at my joke, and I caught sight of a small house up ahead. Soon to be house at any rate, Carlisle was up on the roof nailing shingle and I thought I saw Esme disappear in through the side. "Oh. My. God. We aren't finally going to be free of you two making monkey noises at all hours, are we?" Rosalie elbowed me playfully in the side as I spoke, Emmett grinned as he jumped to the ground, "Oh c'mon sis. You know you love it." I shook my head, "You could say that I guess." was Rose's reply as she lifted a can of paint and a roller, "But it'd only be you two who're getting away from it."

I looked confusedly from Jasper to Rose and back again, before Jasper picked me up bridal style and carried me to the front door, "Welcome home Darlin'." I was stunned into silence, a smile breaking out on both our faces. My family were incredible.

JPOV

Bella's phone had been ringing insistently with calls from Charlie since the sun had first come up. Being a Sunday he'd be up for fishing at the Res; we'd been avoiding answering because he wanted me to come along. By ten am though, I'd had enough of listening to the insistent buzz of the phone vibration. "Charlie! It's Jasper. Bella's just doing some laundry." I could hear her giggle from the bedroom, where she had most definitely not been doing the laundry. "Jasper! Sorry for calling so early before, I'm headed out your way this afternoon and I was thinking I'd stop by." Bella was by my side in a split second, taking the phone, "Dad? That'd be fine. No fishing today?" Charlie's voice rang through clearly, "No Bells. There's some.....thing on at the res, no pale faces this weekend." "Oh....weird. Anyway, we'll see you this afternoon, okay Dad? We'll meet you at the big house." "The big house Bells?" Bella's laugh tinkled like a clear bell, "Carlisle and Esme's dad. We have something to show you....a bit further down the road." Charlie was silent, shocked I guess, and Bella smiled, "Okay Dad. Bye." "Bye Bells."

"You're so bad. He's gonna wonder all day what it is now." I smiled as I scooped her into my arms, and she eyed me wickedly, "I'm gonna be bad in so many other ways, you'll forget all about that." She nipped my neck playfully, and I felt my knees go weak. It would be hard to get anything done today, Bella oozing this much lust and passion and....desire, was just too much for me to ignore.

BPOV

I was in the shower when Jasper went up to the house to meet Charlie, we'd agreed I'd stay behind to clean up, make our bed; wipe down the kitchen counter so I could look my father in the eye. I giggled to myself and ducked back under the water. If it had been up to me, we never would have left each other's arms today.

Charlie's cruiser followed Jasper in my new truck, I went outside to meet them both, nervously smoothing my hair, my jeans, pulling on the sleeves of my sweater, which I'd added at the last minute because it looked like it might be cool outside. Charlie grinned as he came toward me, "Bells. I like it." I smiled and hugged my father, "Thanks. Carlisle and the boys built it...all behind my back. Wait til you see Esme's beautiful decorating." Charlie coughed gruffly, men weren't into interior design Bella, what are you saying! I smiled, "Come inside. I made cookies." I didn't add that to Jasper and I thought they smelt awful and couldn't wait for them to go in the trash outside, I simply smiled and followed my father into my house, surprisingly proud to be able to call it "mine".

Weeks flew by, before we knew it snow was on the ground and our study was full of boxes. Carlisle and I were searching for a handful of books we knew were there somewhere, just neither of us could recall what had been in which box. "I'm sure the Yeats was in the box that had those First Edition Frosts." "No Isabella....I thought it was with those godawful Dickens you asked for last year." I giggled, "Godawful? Says the man who collects Chaucer like it's going out of fashion? Talk about godawful." Carlisle smiled, "Isabella....you have no taste." "Chaucer has no taste, filthy debaucher he was. OOh!" I stood, triumphant, placing the small leather bound book gingerly on the desk beside me, "One Frost. So....." I rummaged gently, and emerged beaming again, "One Yeats. Possibly not the exact one we wanted but......I'd wager it'll do." Carlisle was due to give a speech to Harvard Graduates in three days, and had been looking for a particular quote to end on. He smiled, accepting the thin volume, "You know Bella, if you wanted to you could...." I held up my hand, "I could but I won't. I'll come with you for support since Esme will be with Alice but I'm not interested in studying there." Carlisle sighed, "Isabella, I just think you'd enjoy the interaction. It doesn't even have to be Harvard."

I rolled my eyes, "Carlisle...I just....I don't know that I'm ready yet. I promise I'll give it some thought." "That's all I ask Isabella." I smiled as I looked through the rest of the box contents, "You know, you're lucky. I think you're the only person to ever, and I mean ever, call me that and survive." Carlisle laughed and leant back against the window seat, "Isabella....I've survived worse than I'm sure you could do." Jasper appeared then, "Hell hath no fury Carlisle, I promise you that." I smiled, "Just in time. I need to go into town with Rose, can I trust you two to get this done?" I gestured to the pile of boxes around us. Jasper smiled, "I guess we can do some darlin'.....are you goin' to need this?" He held up a black Amex and I shook my head, "Nope. This trip is just for something she wants. I need absolutely nothing." He kissed me and I felt him slip the card into my back pocket, "You never know. I'll see you later." I grinned to myself as I went down to my truck. I was incredibly lucky. Incredibly.

JPOV

I was careful not to push Bella, even though I agreed with Carlisle. She rattled around the house during the day, and I could tell even she was tiring of it. College was a good solution, she could get a degree in her free time; Lord knew she had enough. I was hoping, as I was sure he was that she'd see the life the students had at Harvard and would want something like it.

I knew Rose had ulterior motives today as well, Bella might have thought they were going to buy Rose something, but Alice had primed her to pick a dress with Bella. We were both accompanying Carlisle to the college event, Alice stressing that Bella needed to look "fabulous Jasper". I smiled, poor Bella. She'd be furious when she figured it out, I made a mental note to take her hunting when she got home. She could take it out on whatever she took down. "Jasper? You look like the cat who got the cream." I looked at Carlisle, smiling, "I was just thinking of Bella when she figures out Rose's real motive." Carlisle chuckled, "Poor Isabella."

BPOV

Rose kept stopping at dress shops, before sighing and eyeballing me, "Bella......c'mere." "What?" "C'mere." I sighed, following her into the fifth store, "Try this one." She shoved me towards the fitting room with a black satin something in her hand, before I knew it I was bundled in a cubicle and the door was locking, "Try it. You know you need something new for this thing anyway." I sighed again, "Okay. This will be over faster if I play along right?" "You're a fast learner sister. I'll be right back."

When I emerged in the far too tight black sheath dress, Rosalie had a handful of other options assembled on the rack nearby, "It's nice but....not for this. Jasper would spend the entire time drooling, not to mention all those college boys. Here." I accepted a green satin strappy thing, but after a minute of trying to get it worked out, I passed it back, "Next." "Bella, we'll never find anything if you...." I peeped from behind the door, "Rose, next." She rolled her eyes at me and handed me three, "Go on then smarty pants. Choose one for yourself." She was quiet, then her voice came through the door, "Choose two. You'll need one for the speeches and one for the dinner. Dinner should probably be longer."

I opened the door a minute later, wearing a calf length deep purple silk dress, loosely off the shoulder and draped softly in the front, there was a slim belt of chiffon around the waist, "Yes? No?" Rose beamed at me, "For?" "Dinner." "Yes. But....I think we need some adjustments. Esme will help us. What about the others?" I shook my head, "I don't like em. I want....." I scanned the racks in the store from where I stood, and smiled, "Pink or Yellow." Rosalie looked at me, "Pink or Yellow? You know it's snowing out there right?" "Rose, if you don't want me picking a pants suit....." She held up her hands, "Okay, okay. I guess you'll be inside anyway. And we can always find you a new coat...." She wandered away talking to herself, I returned to the safety of the change room, texting Jasper, "You're so dead if you knew this was coming." His reply was back in seconds, "Can't kill somebody who isn't alive darlin'." I giggled, texting my reply, "Doesn't mean I can't try."

We left that store with the purple dress, another deep purple dress with a full tulle and silk skirt (which Rose assured me would be my second choice should I have a fashion moment at the last minute) and a slim fitting charcoal and yellow satin dress. It was a compromise, I'd realized Yellow was not a winter color after trying on a beautiful daffodil yellow sheath dress. Rose promised she would take care of the shoes and the coat situation, and I found myself free. Excited, I took myself to Abercrombie while she looked for something in Walgreens.

Two weeks went fast, suddenly I was sitting on the edge of our bed while Rose primed me on what to wear when and how to style my hair for minimal touch ups. In went the dresses we'd purchased, the four pairs of shoes (Rose insisted in case I chose to wear flats. She knew me too well.), makeup, shirts and jeans for the quiet second day and "tools" for my hair. She'd simplified curling my hair for me, we'd discovered by accident that my hair held curl better if I slept with curlers in my hair, so that was my plan for the entire trip. Our test run had been the night before, my perfectly tamed strands tucked behind one ear with a beautiful black sapphire hair clip she'd given me. Jasper had some of my jewellery in his carryon, I dropped the slip I'd been wearing on the floor and pulled on the skinny jeans Rose had laid out, slipping on the deep v-neck sapphire blue knit and frowning at her choice of footwear, "Rose? You had noticed it's like....a million below outside, right?" "Point?" "Point? I can't wear these." I gestured to the blue flats nearby and she sighed, "Your suggestion then?" I went to the closet and returned with a pair of blue keds, "These. I'm not budging either. These or my boots." "Those. No boots. Bella, this is Harvard. Not.....A&M." I giggled as I pulled on the beautiful tailored coat and scarf, slipping the gloves into my pockets, "Did you find me a hat?" She nodded, "Sould be over there somewhere." I glanced around before settling on my bedside. A cute floppy knit hat was there, and I looked helplessly at Rose, "Help?" Sighing, she took it and tucked it carefully over my hair, "Now....don't take it off until you have to and you should be fine." She handed me my purse, "There's gloss in here and a touch up mini kit. There's extra money in the bottom, double sided tape just in case and for gods sake Bells....try not to be too boyish." I rolled my eyes at her, and then whistled a low tone.

Jasper stood in the doorway looking like something from a GQ liftout. Slim bootcut jeans, a simple white tee and v-neck sweater combo and the hint of his boots peeking from the jeans. "Wow." He pulled on a dark brown jacket, "You look pretty wow yourself Mrs Whitlock." I giggled, and kissed him, "Rose says you know how to dress me." He eyed me up and down, "I know how to undress you too. If we don't go soon....that might happen before it should." I giggled and Rose coughed, "Guys? Gross. Get out." She flapped her hands at us and pushed us towards the stairs, "Carlisle is waiting for you to pick him up at the house, your luggage is in the car, Jasper don't leave her alone for a second or some college kid will push you too far." Jasper looked at Rose, one eyebrow raised and she smiled, "Alice. It's her only message. Oh, and that Bella will be fine in her high heels." I blushed, how had she known I'd planned to only ever wear flats?

The college grounds were beautiful, as the hire car pulled up outside our accommodation I smiled. Carlisle was right, college was a nice place to be. Jasper took our bags so Carlisle offered his arm, I tried to ignore the voices I heard around us, "Damn! She's bangin'......I hope she's in my study class." It was worse when I heard the girls about Carlisle, "Mmmm........I want to study his biology." I giggled at that, Carlisle glancing down at me, "What?" I shook my head, "Nothing?" He smiled, "Exactly. it drives Esme insane, that's why she went away with Alice."


	37. Playing Dressup

A/N: So here's a faster update than usual. It's my new leaf lol. I apologise for the actual fluff in there, and promise some lemony goodness in one of the next chapters. Peace out.

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Our accommodation on Campus was usually quarters for visiting academics, so it was furnished nicely, but with an assorted collection of items; some from the 20's moving through the decades until today. Today was represented by a sleek glass top desk in the living room corner, complete with a fairly recent Mac computer and sleek white printing unit. Carlisle gestured to the bedroom on the right, "Jasper, Bella. That will be your room." He walked a little further along, to a smaller room, a simple twin bed inside, "And I'll be in here." I looked at him, "Carlisle, you can't possibly sleep in that." For one, he was so tall, the other, it felt wrong for him to be confined to a small space when we had so much more. Jasper laughed then, "Darlin'.....sometimes you're duller than a farmhand's boots. Carlisle doesn't sleep but you do. Of course you need the bigger bed." I blushed, stepping into our room and placing my tote bag on the bed. It was pretty enough, heavy velvet drapes, plush but worn carpets. The bed was a beautiful mahogany sleigh style, the quilt looked warm and inviting. I looked out the window, we had a pretty view of the lawns we'd just come across. Jasper called to me from the living room, so I turned and went. This would be an interesting stay.

Dressing for dinner that first night wasn't a simple task, I called on Carlisle and Jasper both to help me figure out Rosalie's packing. After the first few confusing items, Carlisle threw up in hands in jest and left us, I face Jasper, panic reading clearly on my face as well as washing off me. He smiled, "Alright darlin'.....I take pity. Ummm....." He bit his cheek while he picked through the offerings, holding up a black pencil skirt and a chiffon blouse, "This I guess." I sighed, accepting the offered outfit and then looked at the shoes. He smiled, "I'll let you pick those yourself." He kissed my cheek, and suddenly my phone rang. He waved and left, I sat on the bed "Hello?" "Bella! I can't believe you. Choose the black ankle boots with the peep toe. And don't even think about wearing flats at all this trip." "Alice.....You kill me." "I won't, unless you wear those flats I know you snuck in. Now listen, tomorrow they're going to want you to play football." "I shouldn't" Alice giggled, "No, by all means you should, you'll enjoy it. I just wanted to tell you it'll be fine. Tomorrow's a cloudy day." She hung up before I could say anything, and I smiled to myself. There was no way i could play football in heels. A huge smile crept over my face, and I began to dress for dinner.

"Dr Cullen, you have an exceptionally beautiful daughter. I'm disappointed we hadn't the opportunity to meet with her before." A young department head sat to Carlisle's left, I felt Jasper stiffen as he spoke but I eyed him until he relaxed. Carlisle laughed, "Daughter in Law actually Stephen. Isabella is Jasper's wife." The young man had the decency to blush, and smiled at jasper, "You're a very lucky man." I giggled, and Jasper smiled, "Why thank you." From across the table, an older gentleman smiled at me, "Isabella. What a lovely name. My mother's name was Isabelle." I smiled, accepting his offered hand, "Matthew Peabody. Pleasure to meet you young lady." I smiled, "Isabella Whitlock. You too. This is my husband, Major Whitlock." Jasper shook his hand as well, and I smiled pleasantly while I broadcast into Carlisle's head, "So.....trustworthy or no?" Carlisle's eyes lit up with a smile, he sipped at some water as his mind replied, "The young one is to be avoided at all costs. Rosalie punched him when she accompanied me last. Matthew is a lovely man though. No harm there." I nodded ever so slightly, sipping my own water. I was desperate to leave so I could throw away the napkin holding the small amount of food I'd apparently "eaten".

I disappeared to shower after dinner, Jasper and Carlisle following Matthew back to his apartments for an hour or so they said, I knew, reality was they'd smoke cigars and drink port or something equally manly. I could be forgiven then, for my surprise at hearing voices in the lounge. I pulled on my pyjamas, thankful I'd packed something a little more presentable than usual. Letting my hair hang loose on my shoulders, I wandered out, calling as I went, "Jasper? Carlisle? Are you back already?" My mouth made a small "o" as my hand flew to it, not only were Jasper and Carlisle back, they'd bought Matthew with them and were smoking in the living room. Carlisle was pouring what looked like the last of a bottle of red wine into someone's glass, smiling as he looked up, "Ah, Bella dear. Jasper suggested a game of cards and we invited Matthew back with us." I blushed then, thinking about my pyjamas, their guest smiled, "I do apologize Mrs Whitlock. If I'd realized you'd planned to retire I...." I shook my head, "NO, no. It's fine, honestly. Can I get you boys something?" I looked at Jasper who looked ashamed, thinking to him, "A phone call even?" His lip turned up in a smile, and he thought back to her, "Bella I'm sorry darlin'. I'll ask him to leave." I felt my head shake no involuntarily, speaking aloud by mistake, "No, it's fine. I'll get you some more wine from the kitchen."

I was so tired I didn't even notice when Jasper climbed into bed next to me, or that he wrapped me in his arms so tight I woke with marks on my arms.

The next morning I had to myself, Jasper was keen to look at their Civil War collection, Carlisle was going to a meeting.. I set myself up in the bedroom at the dresser, following Rose's instructions for making my make up look natural and my hair look better than just presentable. I carefully twisted, rolled and pinned, then painted and dabbed and brushed until my skin looked almost human. I rifled through my bag until I found a pair of slim fitting dark jeans and a fine knit hooded sweater. I frowned as I hunted for a pair of sneakers, or even the flats I'd packed secretly; relief flowed through me as I felt one and then the other Converse shoe.

Carlisle surprised me in the kitchen, "Isabella? Come with us, we've been invited to play a game." I nodded, shaking my hair free and pulling an elastic over my wrist. I'd worked damn hard on it, I wasn't ruining it with a band.

Jasper was already playing around with some young men on the huge lawns behind the home, he grinned and picked me up, throwing me over his shoulder. I shrieked with delight and with surprise, he set me down in front of a guy with the ball. Immediately, he dropped it, so I reached down, threw it awkwardly to Carlisle and ran. This was going to be an exciting way to kill some time.

At dinner that night, we were the guests of honor, seated on a dais in front of over a hundred people. I kept tugging at my dress, the shoulders were a little hard to ignore as they sat loosely. My hair was half up, the waves flowed down my back and I was grateful; when we'd bought the dress it certainly hadn't occurred to me how low the back dipped at all. My shoes were, well, it was a good thing Jasper thought they looked pretty. Someone had to, and I sure as hell didn't. People asked me so many times that night if I was proud of my father that I began to answer almost before they'd finished asking the question, "Yes, he's quite amazing isn't he?"

Eventually, Jasper put his hand on the small of my back, kissed my neck and whispered, "You're gonna get us all in trouble you keep bein' so charmin' darlin'." I blushed and ducked my head. He kissed my neck again and I felt the passion rise in me, my eyes widening while I tried to keep it at least contained to myself and Jasper. He smiled wickedly, leant in to Carlisle, whose eyebrows were raised at me, "Carlisle, I'm goin' to take my wife home before she embarrasses us all. " Carlisle nodded, kissing my cheek goodnight as we took off back to the house. We were barely indoors five minutes before we were tangled together in the sheets, calling each other's name and reeling afterwards. I smiled as I looked into his eyes, "I love you." He kissed my nose, "I love you too darlin'. And I'm ready to go home. Hell....I think I even miss Moodward." I giggled, and kissed him, pulling myself onto him, "I don't. I like that we're alone here." I slid onto his hard cock slowly, watching him as i bit my lip, "I definitely like that nobody can hear us." As i rode him, roughly, digging my fingers into his chest, tangling my lips with his and my hands in his hair, I felt myself unable to contain my feelings. My emotions were around us in the room, I hazarded a guess that they were also flowing out to the students out laying on the lawns, enjoying a beer or some company with each other.

There was a gentle knock on the door, "Uh.....children? I think perhaps....well....ahem." I blushed, laying beside Jasper who wrapped me in his arms and chuckled, "Well now darlin'. I believe you've gone and got the good doctor all worked up." I blushed, rolling my eyes, and spoke aloud, "I'm sorry Carlisle." I heard Carlisle chuckle under his breath, "It's nothing dear." I looked down at Jasper, my blush covering not only my face but my chest as well, "Jas! Oh my god.. I can't look him in the face now." Jasper smiled, and kissed me, "Darlin'....you should know I'm one of the most old fashioned people you know, besides Edward and Carlisle......but you hang around long enough you tend to forget what other people get up to. It's a natural thing Darlin'....it's not your fault it's multiplied by your gift." I giggled nervously again and flopped onto the bed beside him, "Jasper.....I want to visit Peter and Char again." My words hung in the silence, and at first I thought I'd said something wrong, quick to fill the gap, "I mean, if you want. we don't have to...it's not like..." Jasper smiled, "No, darlin'...it's fine. It just surprised me is all." I shrugged, "I miss Char." "Don't you miss Rose? You two were damn near inseparable for a good while there darlin'.....have you fallen out?" "No....not really. Charlotte is more like.....and older sister. Rose is still....I dunno. She's my sister but she feels more like a best friend." Jasper kissed me as he got up, "Darlin'.....Char is always happy to see you, but give Rose a chance. She's really tryin' you know?" I nodded, following him into the shower. I wasn't going to think about any of it until after Carlisle's lunch presentation.

Jasper let out a low whistle when he saw me; he and Carlisle had been playing cards in the sunlight coming from the window. I sighed, "Sun? Now? Are you effing kidding me?" Jasper laughed, "The speech is indoors sugar. We'll just need to stick to the shadows on the way." I smiled, doing a little turn, "Do you like it? I picked it all by myself." Carlisle grinned, "You look lovely Isabella. Very modern." I smiled, I had no response to such an....odd compliment. Jasper kissed me, "You look like I need to drag you back in there and...." He let out a low growl, his breath on my neck as I cleared my throat, "Jasper....I think we should get going." He nodded, a smirk on his face; he pinched my backside while Carlisle was turned away. I didn't want to tell him we needed to visit Peter and Char because I wanted to have loud, crazy sex again and I knew they'd leave us be. I simply settled for a come hither stare as i picked up my trench coat and purse, holding his arm gently as I slipped into the pretty grey suede heels. I was getting the hang of this being girly thing.


	38. Confrontations

A/N: Betcha weren't expecting TWO fluff filled chapters, right? Thanks to everyone who's added me to their faves or alerts. :) it's appreciated, and keeps me going even when I think I'm writing pure crud. I'm sorry for the delay we've only just finished moving house, and I had no interwebz. nearly killed me, i tell ya.

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Carlisle's presentation was hard to watch without simultaneously erupting into laughter and running from the room. Around Jasper and I were voices, whispers swirling; some commenting on Carlisle's handsome beauty, quite a few about Jasper, which I found hard to ignore and a handful about myself. Jasper leant over close and whispered to me halfway through, in a tone so low nobody could have heard him, "Darlin'.....goddamn it's sexy the way you blush hearin' those thoughts." I giggled softly, "Shh.....your father's speaking." Jasper grinned wickedly and eyed me up and down, "Somethin' tells me darlin' my father won't be all that mad if I throw you over my shoulder right this instant and carry you away." I blushed again, and gestured to my dress, "And ruin all my hard work. Honestly. All you ever think about is sex........Major." I looked at him through my lowered lashes as I called him that, knowing it would drive him wild. He let out a soft growl, "Darlin'.....don't tease me like that or I might really do it." I giggled again, "Who says I don't want you to?" Carlisle sipped at his water then, his mouth hidden and his voice not audible to anyone but Jasper and I, a glint in his eye, "Take it outside children." I giggled, blushing and followed Jasper out into the fresh air and back to the house.

Our afternoon was spent making lazy love, uninterrupted until Jasper's cell phone rang, "It's Carlisle." I flew out of bed, "Oh my god. The ribbon." I threw my lingerie back on, then my dress, running my hands through my hair, "Answer it!" I shrieked at Jasper who sat laughing at me, "Yes Carlisle...we know we're running late." I heard Carlisle chuckle, and then Jasper hung up. "We have twenty minutes. Slow down darlin'." His hands were suddenly over mine, zipping my dress and then holding me still, kissing my neck, "Darlin'....calm down. You'll look fine." I looked at him, "Easy for you to say, your hair always looks like you just had sex. Mine isn't supposed to." I giggled as I pulled it into a ponytail, pinning some into a coif at the front and twisting the ends into something a little more respectable. I inspected it in the mirror, smiling at Jasper, " thought when you became a vampire everything about you was beautiful and captivating. I never imagined all this effort." He kissed me, sitting me on his knee as he slipped my shoes on my feet, "Darlin'.....I'd think you were beautiful regardless. You don't need all this stuff to make me want you." I blushed, and he set me on my feet, "Alright. Now we really do need to get a hurry up. We should be helping cut the ribbon in ten minutes." This boy would be the death of me, I swear.

JPOV

Watching Bella stand beside Carlisle, holding one half of the prop scissors over the ribbon, I was struck, again, by how much she meant to me. Standing there, in that pretty dress, her hair still mussed despite her best efforts, her slender figure leaning towards Carlisle for comfort in the sea of strangers, she was beautiful. Flawless. I felt slightly guilty, just for a split second, at the realization that in all our time together, I had never once glanced at Alice that way, gotten than feeling about her. Bella smiled nervously, biting her lip softly in that enticing, come hither way that she never knew she did. I smiled in return, wishing she'd think to me so I could think to her. Just then they called for the photographs, Bella paled and then pasted on a smile I was sure must have been rehearsed. It looked far too suitable, Bella never reacted the way everyone expected. This should have been no exception. Rosalie had taught her well. Even Carlisle smiled at the effort and emotion she was pouring into making it genuine.

The giggle as the cut down on the ribbon and the sparkle in her eyes at the fun of the moment as she and Carlisle had their photo taken was real; so was the blush when she accidentally stepped backward into Carlisle when the third flash went off. She beamed, My Bella, who hated being in the eye of anyone, especially large groups, was having fun. I supposed Char was to thank for that. She'd tried hard with Bella to bring her out of herself, looked like it was working. I stopped staring long enough to realize she was beckoning me to come join them, as I walked toward her she reached her hand out for me. Her mouth didn't move, but suddenly she was in my head, "This is fun, but.....I'm glad it's almost over." I smiled, thinking back, "Bella, darlin'...I'm sure Carlisle's very grateful for your presence. Usually it's just Rose looking bitchy." Bella giggled then, Carlisle just looked puzzled, "Something funny Isabella?" She giggled again, shaking her head. I put my arm around her waist as the photographer signaled we should look his way, and Bella lay her head on my chest, her hand over my heart, and the pleasure and love coming off her at that moment almost made my knees buckle. I smiled down at her, whispering, "I love you Isabella Whitlock." She beamed. This was a photograph even I would want a copy of.

BPOV

The trip home was slow, even with Carlisle's speedy driving. Traffic jams left right and centre took us off the main roads, for most of the time I closed my eyes and slept. I woke when the car jerked to a halt, we'd hit a deer. Jasper was flooding me with warmth and happiness, so I could only assume it hadn't died. I looked at him with wide eyes, silently willing one of them to put it out of its misery. Before I could blink, Carlisle had snapped its neck, laying it off to the side of the track we were on and climbing back into the car. He looked in the rearview mirror, "I'm terribly sorry Isabella. Even we make mistakes sometimes." I nodded, "It's okay. It happens." He smiled kindly, "We'll be home in an hour or so. Why don't you go back to sleep, Jasper will wake you when we get there."

I woke as Jasper was carrying me inside to the sofa, Rosalie and Alice looking like crazed lunatics, waving something in my face. Alice was even bouncing, something I hadn't seen her do in a super long time. "Alice, stop. You're making me feel sick. Rose, you too. That paper is driving me insane." She laughed, Alice simply looked annoyed for a moment before plunking down beside me on the sofa. Emmett appeared, "Did you show Bella the newspaper yet?" Rose looked at him, and if looks could kill he'd be dead all over again. "Idiot. We're just about to. Sit down and shut up." He ruffled my hair, "Smella, wait til you see it! You look....whoa momma." I blushed, "Anyone want to tell me the actual story?"

Rose held out a copy of the Harvard evening paper, well, a printout of the online version. The headline read "Dr Carlisle Cullen opens new Medical Library". "And? I was there....I know this." Rose grinned, pointing to the smaller, second headline and story below the main, "Mrs Isabella Whitlock wows with her Grace". I scoffed, "Grace? Ha." but continued reading the article, "Mrs Isabella Whitlock, Dr Cullen's newest family member was on hand to assist in the Ribbon Ceremony while her husband, Maj. Jasper Whitlock watched on from the sidelines. Mrs Whitlock was gracious, allowing Dr Cullen to step forward as the photographers began to snap pics to document this incredible event. Afterwards, coming to his side, Maj. and Mrs Whitlock were the picture of domestic bliss as they posed for an official photograph, both with Dr Cullen and alone in front of the new Library. We look forward to seeing more of the family at future events. Noticeably absent were Dr Cullen's sons, Edward and Emmett, who were both previously engaged."

Beside the column was the photo of Jasper and I looking so incredibly in love it almost made me want to gag. "What does Esme think of this?" Rosalie grinned, "She only wants to buy a thousand copies to make scrapbooks with." Emmett chuckled, and blurted out, "Edward's sulking somewhere. Probably in the fires of hell." Rose and Alice both shot him a look, and I stood up, "Emmett, that's an awful thing to say. Imagine if you saw Rose with a new husband." Emmett looked taken aback, and sighed, "Sorry Bells. I think he's in the music room."

I glanced at Jasper for approval, he simply shrugged, "Do what you think is right Darlin'." I kissed him and went to find Sulky. Hopefully this would blow over in minutes, but then, things had been far too cordial lately for something not to go wrong.

Edward was simply sitting at his Piano, no music set out, the lid was still down over the keys. He had the bridge of his nose pinched between two fingers, and sighed as I entered without knocking. I sat beside him, "Sorry. I figured if I knocked you might have told me where to go." He sighed, looking like he was going to leave. I wouldn't let him; there was no way he was getting to sulk like a child about yet another issue he had. This was the end of my tether, if he was going to keep on doing it, he could just as soon take off to Denali permanently.

I grabbed his sleeve, "Edward.....please.." I let the little girl voice creep into my tone, because I knew he'd listen to it. "I saw the picture." He nodded, "Me too. You looked very...." He seemed like he was struggling for a word that wasn't laden with double meanings, "Lovely." He ran his hand through his hair, but had yet to look me in the eye, "You all did. Carlisle and Jasper also." His voice was stiff, I could tell it was hard for him to say the words he didn't really mean. "It was a fun event. How about that? I actually enjoyed myself Edward, at a social event." He didn't move a muscle, so I kept going, "I didn't even trip, or fall, or do something dumb. Well....except when I stepped on Carlisle's foot. That was bit.....traumatic." He smirked, and i nudged him gently, "So......I know why you're in here." He looked at me but said nothing, I smiled, "Edward....I get it, okay? But you can't keep withdrawing like this every time. You need to find a way to get over it, or at least do your mourning in private. Jasper and I thought moving into a close by house would help but......maybe we need to move across the country or.....I dunno. Go somewhere else in the world." I was playing my last card, if this didn't get him, nothing would. I had no intention of moving, anywhere, but I had to make him realize that he had to stop this sulking.

My words stung, I knew, because his face turned ashen and he stiffened beside me. "Why would you do that Isabella?" His voice was cold, steely, he was trying to hide his hurt. I shrugged, playing with the pencil on the shiny piano surface, "I don't know. Something different? A change with no old baggage? Edward.....I need time out if you're going to be like this. It's too much." I bit my lip, looking away, trying desperately to shut my own emotions down. I didn't want to cry, or to let him feel both the fury and the frustration I was feeling in myself. I wanted to scream at him that he wasn't the only one feeling bad. His silence was making it twice as hard, as though he didn't care. I shifted, trying to distract myself, this was not the time to go insane. Not with Edward. He was no longer invited into that personal space of mine when I went mad from annoyance. It would give him something else to sulk about.

As if he knew, or sensed my rising frustration, he spoke, quietly, "Isabella, there's no need for you to move. Everything is fine. We're all very glad you had a lovely time at the college, and glad to have you back." He lifted the lid on the keys, touched them gently, lovingly. His voice was distant, "Don't....love. Don't move." He sighed, and I felt myself getting more irate. It was annoying, because I was really trying to avoid anything even remotely typically newborn; being incredibly quick to anger and easily agitated was the one I had tried to avoid most. Edward began to play, my lullaby, but it became a perverted, sad, pathetically weak and wishy washy version. after about a minute, he lifted his hands to change movements, and something in me snapped. I wasn't sure if it was the way he was looking forlorn and lost, or if it was the way he had so casually dismissed my efforts to work things out, to help him. I slammed the lid on the keys, narrowly missing his fingers.

My ears barely registered Emmett's guffaw from downstairs, or his "He's done it now. She's fuckin' pissed." I didn't even smirk like I usually would, I was just too mad. Even Edward realized he had pushed me too far, he stood, facing me, his eyes apologetic, "Love.....Isabella. I'm sorry. I don't.....I didn't......I don't mean to be this way. Just when I think it's....." I held up my hands, "Shut up. Just.....shut the hell up Edward. I didn't ask for any of this you know. I'm so sorry I've inconvenienced your life by taking away a reason to sulk. By all means, go ahead and find someone or something else to cry your eyes out over. Just not me. I'm done with it. You've worn me right through goddammit, and I refuse to watch you break everyone else's heart right alongside mine."

He looked stunned then, his mouth made an "o", he moved to speak but I held up my hands again, my voice angry but softer, I was worn out. "Edward, yes. You broke my heart, you know that. I've made you very aware, I know. But it's the way you keep breaking it Edward. Every time you do this, every time you sulk and hide and get hurt, it breaks my heart. Because it's always something that I've done, or said, or someone who was with me. You break my heart Edward, but that I can bear. I fixed it before, I can keep taping the damn thing over if need be. It's when I watch your family, your own family Edward, that I can't just patch things up with a piece of tape. Alice and Rosalie, every time you do this, I see them sink down a little further. Your brothers, I know that you're aware of how much it kills them to watch you do this, you can hear them. Carlisle....who simply tries to help and lets you reject him and hurt him." I sighed, tears streaming from my eyes, ready to fall to my knees. The floodgates were open now, and I had one last tidal wave to throw at him, "Edward.....think of Esme. Your poor mother who spends each and every day on her toes, preempting anything that might set you off, driving herself insane trying to remain impartial even though I know, deep in her heart Edward that she wants very much to reach out to you. She doesn't for fear of hurting my feelings. I know that. She doesn't let herself dwell on it so that you don't know she's hurting because of you, for fear it might push you down further. Edward....if not for concern for any of the rest of us, please. Just....find a new way to do this that doesn't hurt Esme. She doesn't deserve this." I let myself drop to the floor, my hands on my thighs as I knelt there, looking up at him. My cheeks were soaking wet, I could hear Esme's dry sobs from downstairs in the kitchen, Carlisle's low but steady words calming her. Rose was telling Jasper to wait until I came down, Emmett had run outside and hit a tree to vent. I looked up at Edward through soaking wet lashes, my voice pleading with him as I stood to leave, "Edward, please. You'll destroy the whole family if you can't stop."

Walking out of that room, ignoring the obvious look of despair of hopelessness on his face, was one of the hardest things I had ever done in my life. I was so incredibly grateful when Jasper met me at the bottom of the stairs, pulling me into a warm, comforting embrace, that I was speechless. I felt myself becoming happier as his words were breathy against my neck, "I know darlin'. I love you too."


	39. Memories

A/N: OK, so mega apologies to whoever read that unedited last chapter before I could fix it. OMG. Shattering moment, right there lol. Two updates in one day? I must be sick I hear you saying.....Nope. Just procrastinating super well with my college essay. xx

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JPOV

My Bella had really given it to him, and I had a sneaking suspicion she had more to say on the subject, she had simply deemed it "not the right time". I knew My Bella. She'd hold off, because she never really wanted to hurt anyone, and I knew, in particular, she was keen to leave Edward unscathed so she would have a clear conscience. I led her into the kitchen, sat her down on the counter and took her chin in my hands, "Bella.....darlin'......don't cry. You did the right thing sugar. Edward will forgive you. Darlin........" Her eyes had filled with fresh tears, "I'm sorry Jasper. This can't be much fun for you." I looked at her, my head to one side as I tried to figure her out, "Huh?" "B...b...bec...because he's your....b.b..brother and h...he...he's an idiot over your wife. I'm sorry." I pulled her against me, My Bella was crazy at times, "Bella, why the hell is that something you need to apologize for? That's Edward's issue, not yours. To be honest darlin'.....I don't even pay him any mind these days. He's not really a priority." I kissed her, "Not when I have you."

Bella blushed then, her natural beauty striking me, again. "Bella....darlin'. Let's go visit Peter and Char for a week or so. Edward will have time to figure his shit...sorry....himself out, and we'll have time to just be. Char might even show you how to bake some stuff for Charlie." She smiled, "I'd like to go see Charlie." "Okay. How about we call him, and we'll stop on our way home from Peter's." She shook her head, "No, now. I want to see Charlie now." I sighed, this was going to be one of those arguments I could never win, I just had a feeling.

BPOV

Jasper looked like he was in pain, when I insisted for the second time that I wanted to go see Charlie. "What?" He sighed, ran his hand through his hair, rested it on my knee, "Bella....sugar, I think you should wait until you calm down." "I am calm Jasper. I'm not even crying anymore." He shifted uncomfortably on the spot, "Darlin'......Charlie's human. If you.....got upset again.....you might.....well...." Jasper looked like he wanted to run, and I suddenly understood why. he knew I'd be mad, I was. "I'm fine Jasper. I'm not going to jump off the deep end and kill Charlie, I'm not ev.....ohh....." The realization hit me. I really might kill Charlie, if I lost control like I did when I was talking to Edward. Jasper was watching me, waiting for my reaction. I didn't have one, I felt numb. This was the first time it had really become apparent to me, just how easily and quickly I could get riled up if the situation called for it. "oh my god." My voice sounded small, Jasper kissed my hands, "Darlin'....what if we go for a walk....maybe get a snack. Then we can talk about Charlie, okay?" I nodded dumbly and followed him into the woods.

I felt full, and had more faith in my abilities after hunting, it numbed all my senses for a while and made me feel much more relaxed. Jasper and I sat on the porch, he had a cigarette and was entertaining me lazily by making rings. I was poking my fingers in them, trying to get a handful of them before they drifted away. My head was resting on his shoulder, when Edward appeared. I didn't look at him, it was all I could do to keep my eyes open, the last thing I wanted was to dream about the person driving me slowly insane. "Bella, love? Can I.....speak to you?" Jasper looked at him, "I'm not goin' anywhere." Edward nodded, "I don't expect you to." He moved, suddenly in front of me, leaning on the porch railing, "Bella....I owe you an apology. I can't keep apologizing, I know, which means this needs to be the last time I do." I nodded, waiting. "You were right before. And I do know that....Esme is upset. Even when she hides her thoughts, Carlisle doesn't, Alice doesn't. Rosalie, I'm pretty sure takes a perverse enjoyment in knowing hers are being heard loud and clear on my end." I hid the smile i felt rise to my lips. That would be mean.

"I'm sorry Bella. I think it's probably best if I go away for a while. Carlisle thinks Carmen and Eleazar would like it if I visited." I smiled at him, "Holidays all round. We're going back to Peter and Char's tomorrow. Send us a postcard?" It was no use for me to act any other way. If i was angry, or bitter, resentful, he would simply go off into the world with a chip on his shoulder even bigger than the one there now, and we would have to start all over again. He seemed surprised, but the smile on his face was genuine, "Of course. Perhaps you'd help me if I have some notations when I return." I nodded, "Sure." he looked awkward as he stood there, and I found myself smiling again, "Edward?" "Yes love?" "You'll live, you know?" He smiled sheepishly, "Yes love. Thank you."

I took out my phone after a while, "Jasper? I want to see Charlie." He simply nodded, "Okay Darlin'. We can go later if you'd like? Take some dessert?" I beamed as I dialed my father's number, I couldn't wait to tell Charlie about our trip away.

For some reason I was nervous, standing outside waiting for Charlie to answer to door. When he eventually opened it, he grinned, "Darnit Bells....the playoffs are on, you coulda just come in." I smiled hugging him, "Hi Charlie. I missed you." "I missed you too Bells. Jasper." Charlie shook jasper's hand, and we sat in the living room. Charlie had been cleaning his gun, "Dad....can't you do that somewhere else?" He smiled, "Bells, who in hell is going to see me doing this in my living room?" I shrugged, "It creeps me out. It's an outdoors thing." Jasper and Charlie both looked surprised, Charlie was the first to speak, "You're telling me the chief's daughter is afraid of guns all of a sudden?" I shook my head, "No....I mean....no. I just don't.....I dunno. I don't want it to be so....visible. Not in my own home anyway." Jasper smiled, "Darlin'.....you know Pete and I like to go shootin'....right?" I nodded, "But it's not in my face." Charlie laughed,, "Jasper, i wouldn't reason with her, there probably isn't a way to." Jasper smiled, and Charlie looked intrigued, "Who's Peter?" "Jasper's brother." "not quite. He's a close friend, like family for me. He and his wife live down south. We're going to visit them tomorrow." Charlie nodded, "So, Bells. You'll get some heat again." I grinned, "Yeah. can't wait." I looked at jasper, "Jas....do you think Char would be up for some swimming somewhere?" He laughed, "Darlin'.....Charlotte's always up for something girly."

Charlie looked at me, "Bells, marriage must be doing something for ya. Can you remember the last time you actually wanted to swim? Without having to be convinced?" I giggled, nodding, "I was three. I think we were....where were we? Seattle?" He nodded, laughing, "We were. Jasper, you shoulda seen this little girl. She kicked and stamped harder than I've ever seen, and all because she was convinced there were 'things' in the water." "In my defence, I thought it was like the ocean. There really actually are 'things' in the ocean." "Anyway Bells.....no amount of talking fast would convince you otherwise, so your mother sent you with me for the day, do you remember that?" I thought back, my human memories were hazy, as I'd known they would be. It still made me sad when i couldn't recall even simple memories. There was something there, but.....Charlie interrupted, "You came on a ridealong with the local chief. he let you hold his cuffs, remember?" I nodded, even though I really didn't. I couldn't ruin the memory for Charlie, not by saying I had no recollection. There were few happy memories from when I was really small for him as it was. I still wasn't completely convinced that mother hadn't actually been a bitch to him with no cause, despite the way both of them had tried to paint the situation.

Jasper smiled, "Bella has done a lot of growing up in the last few years. Did she show you this Charlie?" From nowhere he produced the article about our visit to the College with Carlisle, and I wanted to crawl under the floorboards. "It's nothing dad. Just fluff." I tried to snatch the paper but Charlie was too quick, and smiled, "Why don't you want me to look? Is your hair sticking up honey? Toilet paper on your shoe?" I giggled, shaking my head, "No." Jasper smiled, "We recently went with Carlisle while he opened a new library; Bella was quite the flavor of the month there." I blushed, but secretly beamed with pride at my efforts when Charlie let out a low whistle, "Wow, Bells. I guess Alice is rubbing off onya, huh?" I laughed, "Rosalie more so. She and I have become quite close dad. You know that." He smiled, "Well....I'm about as proud as Carlisle looks here that you're my daughter Bella. Can I keep this Jasper nodded, "You can. I think Esme's going to order copies of the actual photograph. I'll ask her to add one for you." I was so happy at that moment. My father and my husband were friends, not enemies as it had been when I was with Edward. Charlie looked forward to our visits, instead of becoming more agitated It was a weight off, and it made me smile.

That night, packing in our room, Jasper grinned as he watched me, "What? Is my shirt tucked into my bra at the back or something?" He shook his head, leaning lazily on his knee, "No darlin'. Although....i wish you'd take it off." I giggled,, throwing my shirt at him as I kept packing. "There. So, what's funny?" "Nothin' darlin'. I was just thinkin'......about how we should take some tequila." I giggled, "I'm pretty sure Pete and Char have more than enough tequila." He smiled, "I'm sure too, but I mean......real tequila. Worm and all." I stopped dead, "Worm? There's worms in tequila? What the hell jasper? Where was the heads up for that?" I gagged a little at the thought, but he was quick to correct me, "No Bells.......tequila has a worm in it to soak up alcohol. Then you eat the worm, and get crazy drunk." I wrinkled my face, "ugh. But why? I mean....it's a worm." I gagged again, and Jasper laughed, "Baby....c'mere." He pulled me onto his lap and kissed me, "It's a good thing you're so beautiful sometimes darlin'...." I giggled, and he continued, "You drink blood from animals. Is a worm really all that gross?" I stuck my tongue out, "Eew. Still eew." He playfully touched my tongue with his own, I pulled him into a kiss. It wasn't long before my bra was in a corner of the room, and we were all but naked, under the covers.

I giggled as Jasper picked me up, and wrapped my legs around his muscular waist. His body was so.....hot. I had to watch I didn't get carried away with staring sometimes. God. How had I ignored him for so long before? He tangled one hand in my hair, the other held me up as he slid inside me gently. His arm along my spine, i shivered with delight as he moved me up and down his shaft, the sensation driving us both wild, and causing me to let out a soft, deep moan. "Ohhh god Jasper. We definitely need to go to Texas." He smirked at me, his eyes filled with desire and lust, his own voice thick with passion, "Oh Darlin'....I can send you to better places than Texas." I moaned again just before I slipped past oblivion, going floppy in Jasper's strong arms as the wave of my orgasm washed through me. Oh yes, he most definitely could take me to better places than Texas.


	40. Chapter 40

A/N: Mega fast updates. Let me know if they get rubbish though.....I've been moving house, and I'm a little bit wound up, and I just kinda....have been writing everything that wants to come out. No guarantees it's any of my best work :P PS Half as*ed lemon ahead. :)xx

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I slept heavily that night; even through Emmett's rude burst through the door to give Jasper a mouthful about the lust filling the house and the play fighting that ensued. When Jasper woke me in the morning, I was groggy and disoriented. Somehow he got me into some clothes and then the car, I fell asleep again before he'd shut my door. It was late that day when I woke again, my hair pushed up on one side and I smiled, "Hey." Jasper leant across and kissed me, "Hey. We're nearly there. Maybe an hour or so." "We've been driving that long?" He nodded, "Sure have darlin'. You slept like....the whole way. Are you feeling okay?" I sat up, "Wide awake now. I'm gonna drive you insane later, I can tell. I feel....silly."

I giggled, looking down at my clothes, "Did you look at these before you dressed me?" He nodded, "Yeah...why?" I glanced at the skinny tights and the check shirt, "No reason. I mean, I like it. But you don't think it's tempting fate a little?" My shirt was straining a little at the bust line, the buttons just closed and my tights were...well, skin tight. Jasper laughed, "Darlin'......if he wants to look, he knows what I have waiting for him." I giggled, "And if Char's the one doing the looking?" Jasper shrugged, watching the road, "Then she can go right on lookin' darlin'. I could care less if Char jumped you on arrival."

I giggled, nervously. The way he said it, I knew he wasn't joking. Jasper really wasn't phased by the idea of Charlotte and I together. I was completely confounded by how I felt about it. True, I hadn't really wanted to stop when she'd kissed me, but she'd surprised me, and....it had kind of weirded me out. Jasper laughed, "Darlin? Penny for em?" I smiled, "Nothing. I was just thinking I can't wait to go run.....my legs hurt."

I really meant it too. When we hit the bend in the road, I asked Jasper to let me out so I could run ahead. The warm air and soft breeze felt amazing after the confines of the car, and I felt tingly all over at the prospect of being able to sit out in the sun during the day and actually be warm. The sun in Forks was still a cold light, something that only barely placated me on bad days. Charlotte appeared beside me, "Hi Bella. Did you ditch your husband?" I giggled and raced her to the house. Peter smiled from where he sat atop the hay bales, whistling, "Wow, Bella. No wonder you came alone."

I blushed and waggled my finger at him, just as Jasper pulled up and jumped out, "Peter, you stay the hell away from her." He was half joking, but I knew if it came right down, he'd be on Peter faster than Peter knew what hit him. As if too prove his point, Jasper hugged me, planting a huge kiss on my lips. I let myself get carried away, it wasn't like anyone was likely to care.

My hands tangled in jasper's hair, and my body pressed hard against his. I sent him a though, "We should have stopped on the way here. Now I want to fuck you." His eyes widened a little at my comment, then he replied, a smirk on his silent lips, "I could just find somewhere....now." I shook my head, "They'd know. Plus we just got here. So rude." He pouted playfully, and I kissed his bottom lip, speaking out loud, "Just go with it."

We joined Peter and Charlotte on the porch, talking and laughing, watching the sun go down. Peter offered to bring out the cards and some drinks, but I shook my head, "No. Bedtime. I'm sleepy." Jasper missed my intentions, "But darlin' you slept the best part of....." I looked him in the eye, and shot him a thought, "Fuck me." I didn't need to say it twice, he said goodnight and followed me up to our room.

His breath was soft on my shoulders and neck as he undressed me, peppering my back with light kisses, "Darlin'......I like this you. Where did you come from?" I giggled, and shivered with delight as he kissed back up to my neck, and then bit me gently behind my ear, "The same place you did it would seem." His hands traced gentle patterns all over me as he nudged me towards the wall, this was something new.

He put one hand in front of me on the wall, kissing my neck and shoulders; suddenly he was inside me, and I smiled, "Hello." His voice was deep, heavy with desire, "Hello yourself darlin'......Is this what you were up to?" I moaned, my knees were feeling weak, "Mmmm.....this was a pretty good interpretati...oooohhh....." I reached back, tangling one hand in his hair, my other hand going to my breasts. As he plunged in and out of me in long, steady thrusts, it became harder to make any response at all besides "Mmmm......oh Jasper." Slowing for a moment, he took both my tiny hands in his large one, and pressed them together against the wall. Oooh. This was getting interesting, and I was enjoying it. "Mmmm....Jasper. I like this." His voice was so damn sexy, I almost came when he spoke, "I thought you might Darlin'.....you feel...amazing......so wet....and all mine...." I shivered as his thrusts became more urgent, faster and deeper, and I felt tingling all over me as he spoke in my ear, "Come for me Isabella.....I want you to come for me." I felt my eyes almost roll back in my head, "Ungh....god...Jasper.....fuck me. Fuck me harder." "Bella....come for me. I want to feel you."

"Oh Jas.......perrrrrrrr.......Ohhhhhh." I felt him catch me in his arms as I went limp, his cock still twitching inside me. I giggled lazily, "Well....done....Major." He kissed me and picked me up in his arms, "Oh I'm not done with you yet Mrs Whitlock." I giggled, kissing him as he carried me into the shower and setting me down under the hot running water. I knew then that the evening had only just started, and I was glad, in a wicked way, that I'd slept so long in the car.

Jasper's hands were soapy as he massaged my back, reaching around to touch my breasts, speaking close to my head, "Now darlin'.....I might just have to make sure that I get every....single....dirty....place." His hands dipped dangerously lower with each word, until he'd slipped a finger inside me. I shivered with delight and closed my eyes. This was going to be fabulous.

JPOV

Bella was missing when I came in from helping Peter outside, Charlotte pointed to the kitchen. I found her, flour on one cheek, picking eggshells from a mixing bowl, "Darlin'? Are you bakin'?" She nodded, "Yeah. It's not going so well." I kissed her neck, pushing her hair aside, "What's the problem?" She giggled, her body shaking against my own, "Me. I'm not made for this stuff." "Nonsense darlin'......you just need to....do it like this." I took a teaspoon and coaxed the three tiny fragments of shell free from the mixture. "There."

She smiled, kissing me, "Mmm. Thanks. Char's going to teach me how to cook a few things, for Charlie." I pretended to tip my hat, and she grinned, "Hey....I don't think I've seen you wear a hat in like....wait. Maybe never?" I pushed it up off my face, "You're kiddin', right darlin'? Never?" She shook her head, "Nope. I like it though, sexy." Her hands went to my belt buckle, one snaked around to grab my ass, "I like this too." "Bells.....if you keep.....oh god...." Her tiny hand was stroking me through my jeans. Wearing them tight had seemed like a good idea that morning, but now there was nowhere for my straining erection to hide. I pulled her to me, held her tightly, nibbled her ear, "Bella.....you're going to ruin me." She smiled wickedly, "I know. And you'll love every minute of it."

She smacked my ass and turned back to her baking, "Now go help Peter, so I can get this finished. If you keep being here, I'm likely to just want to....well.....you know exactly what'll happen." I smiled, "I don't know that I'd complain darlin'." She smiled as she watched me walk away, I purposely walked slowly. I knew she was watching, I could feel the desire flowing off of her like it was running water.

Peter was grinning like a bastard when he saw me, "Your lady get you a bit worked up there brother?" I raced over to him, crash tackling him into the bales of hay. We fell amongst them, wrestling, "Fuck you Peter." "I think she'd like to Major. I would." "Stay the hell away from my wife." "You can borrow mine anytime you like. It'd be impolite of you not to return the favor." "Peter, you're a sick fuck" We rolled and rolled, dust kicking up around us; I was vaguely aware the girls had come onto the porch to watch us, "maybe we should go home early." "don't be a stupid ass Whitlock. I'm not going to fuck your wife unless she wants me to."

BPOV

Standing on the porch with Charlotte, we watched the boys horsing around. I heard Peter, "Don't be a stupid ass Whitlock. I'm not going to fuck your wife unless she wants me to." Uh oh. Even Charlotte looked like she thought he'd gone too far, and the resounding crack of Jasper's fist connecting with Peter's jaw showed he thought so too. I went to run down, but Charlotte grabbed my arm, "Don't. They're fooling around. It gets nastier than this sometimes." I sighed, I would never understand boys. As if sensing my thoughts, Charlotte laughed, "I don't think, in all the time I've known either of them honey, that I've gotten any closer to knowing why."

Just then we heard Peter again, "Did that one rile you up a little old son? What if I just gave her to Char to fuck? I mean, we could both watch. Cook some popcorn, bottle of booze.....Pretty hot...." jasper's fist cracked against Peter's jaw again, and then I saw part of someone's hand go flying. "Are you fucking kidding me?" flew out of my mouth and Charlotte laughed, "It's Peter's. I wouldn't get too woun.....oh. Well.....Maybe." Another hand went flying past the porch, and I recognized the wedding ring. "Peter, I will kill you again if you don't quit that shit right now. You too Jasper." I stormed over to the two of them, trying not to think about my stomach churning about the thought of their body parts coming away from their bodies.

Jasper looked up, guilty, holding Peter's nose in his hand. hastily, he shoved it into Peter's hand, they both looked incredibly sheepish, "You two fix yourselves up and then clean up. This is stupid. And revolting." I walked away, back to the porch. "Char...how do you not just....go insane?" She laughed, "This is why I have my own things to do here. It makes it easier to ignore. Most of the time. your husband has a mean hook though." I smiled proudly, "I guess. So...about this cake. I think something's missing." Charlotte threaded her arm in mine, "Never mind them honey. We'll go see what you've done in here."

I was glad to have Charlotte then. If I hadn't had her to distract me, I might have punched the both of them, and then hidden their hands. Ugh. Boys.


	41. Something new

A/N: Cheap shot, I know, to make them rip each other's hands off but hey,, why not, right? I have adopted two cats from hell, and when they aren't wandering the house calling to each other, they're fighting me for lap space (I write on my laptop mostly). Ugh. They were what inspired the argument/playfight between Jas and Peter. Umm...heads up. Towards the end is a...well...kinky lemon. take it or leave it. :)

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JPOV

I hung my head when I stood up, I didn't regret fooling around with Peter, but I did regret that Bella had seen it go so far. I sighed with relief at the memory of one fight before, when Peter and I had both pulled parts off of each other. Peter was laughing as he held his hand while it healed together, "Jasper....oh man. I thought your woman was going to come down and kill us both." "You're lucky she didn't." "Come on.....you were having fun." "I was Peter. But.....Bella......I want to protect her from the violent side of us Peter. She doesn't need to see us rip each other apart. It's.........not right." Peter smiled at me, patting my shoulder, "Come on, you were the God of War. I'm pretty sure she knows there was some violence. Just a teeny weeny bit at least." I smiled, nodding, "She does. It doesn't mean I don't want her exposed if I can't help it." I pushed my hair out of my eyes, "Christ Peter....she's seen more than she should have already because of Edward's stupidity." Peter stopped, looking directly at me, "You can't mean that you would have hidden her away forever......she'd fight you tooth and nail." I shrugged, "I'm not saying locked in a basement somewhere. I just think.....maybe if I'd......taken her somewhere. Somewhere there aren't really any of us. She might not have been so exposed." I kicked the dirt, feeling Peter's arm on my own, "Jasper......you've done better than anyone could have expected, god man, you even managed not to eat her when she was human. That had to have been hard. I don't think hiding Bella from the rest of us would help.......The Cullens lived as the only vampires around until those....reprobates showed up. And they've been dealt with now, haven't they? I thought they were all dead?" I nodded, "The ones who posed a threat, yes."

I was quiet, thinking, when Peter looked at me, and guffawed, "Oh no...no way man. Jasper, not on this earth. She does not.......are you kidding me, she doesn't possibly think that you're to blame for her exposure?" I shrugged, "She might. In some ways, I think there are times I can tell she does. For some things." "Like what?" I'd done it now. Peter would be relentless, even though he would know most of what I was about to say. "Do you really need me to spell it all out for you Pete?" "I don't....but it might help you realise how stupid you are if you lay it out for yourself." Peter truly was an ass. There were no two ways about it.

I sat on a bale of hay we hadn't destroyed, "Sometimes I think.....sometimes I think she blames me for Edward leaving." "She's so much happier with you now...." "No...wait. Not that she blames me for the way he behaved, and not that she thinks they'd still be together.....just....that if her birthday party had never happened, he might not have put her through so much hell." Peter rolled his eyes, "It wasn't your fault....what happened there. You know that. Bella knows that." I nodded, "But she knows how hard it was for me to hold back....she knows Edward tried to make us leave to protect her.....when have I ever shielded her from anything like that? When have I ever acted so....selfless seeming?" Peter almost choked, his words fast and furious, though he was careful to keep it down so as not to draw their attention as he gazed to the house, "Jasper Whitlock, you self absorbed fucker. I know you don't really believe that. Edward...god, that moody fuck. He wasn't acting selflessly and you know it. Bella knows it. Look how angry she was at him for doing it? Even now she holds it against him. Regardless of how she seems now, she still hates him for that." He kicked me, "As for selfless acts? How about not changing her until she was ready? Even though it must have almost killed you to be around her, month after month, day after day, minute after minute Jasper. Or being so tolerant of that almost easy friendship she insists on striking up with your cock of a brother? If that was Char....I don't know that I could be as accepting Jasper. I would have killed the little rat bastard by now."

He was right. I had become Edward. I was thankful Bella had been distracted by Charlotte during this whole thing; I couldn't have borne her seeing me be so weak. Peter had a freakish ability, he took me by the shoulders, looked into my eyes, "Jasper, man....listen. Never....never ever....be afraid to let your woman see you be unsure. She won't think less of you. She knows you're human in there somewhere. Don't make her doubt that about you."

As if on cue, Bella appeared, smiling, "Hey....you guys? Charlotte has me making Jello shooters. Do I need to be afraid?" She giggled, and Peter and I both smiled. "No darlin'.....they won't hurt you near as much as the tequila." She giggled again, if i'd had a heart, it would be beating twice as fast now. "Bella....I'll be in in just a moment. Peter and I are just cleaning up....." I gestured to the hay bales we'd knocked over and she nodded, bouncing happily back into the house. She was getting far better than I had thought at blocking out emotions; she hadn't shown any inkling of our heated discussion before her appearance.

BPOV

"Char....weirdest thing ever. You know that moment when everyone goes silent when you enter?" She smiled, "The men went silent?" "Not exactly....but the moment they realised I was there was kinda....similar. I hope they quit it before they come in." She hugged me, "I bet they will. Now you just put this tray into the icebox there honey, and we'll get to thinking about some music for tonight."

Jasper kissed my neck, making me jump in surprise, "Hey darlin'....sorry about before. It got a little out of hand." I smiled, turning to hug him, "It's okay. I need to relax. I know neither of you were trying to hurt the other. I guess....it was just a bit of a shock is all." He kissed me again, I knew he was waiting for me to keep going, "Well....it's just....last time I saw anyone have something pulled off them......." I bit my lip and looked up at Jasper. I didn't need to add the words 'Edward was literally getting his arm handed to him." The look on Jasper's face told he knew exactly, and it was why he felt so sheepish. I snuggled in against his chest, "I love you. It's not an issue if you fool around with Peter.....I just.....might take a while to get used to it. Okay?" Jasper kissed me then, sweeping me into his arms, "We need to hunt." "We do?" He nodded, "We do. How else will we be sharper than Pete and Char at cards tonight?" I giggled, and let him whisk me into the forest nearby.

Peter and Charlotte's eyes were more red than usual when we got back, I assumed they'd taken time out to feed as well. It still didn't sit right with me that they fed from humans, but I was getting used to their eyes. No longer did I feel fear in the pit of my stomach, these were friends and I knew them. They would never hurt an innocent; stranger or no. We sipped a shot of tequila while we talked about the day, and then Charlotte handed me a jello shot. "It won't hurt you Bella. Well...not in this small a dose." I smiled, sucking at the cup slowly. It was just jello as far as I could tell, god awful jello with an alcohol aftertang. "I still don't like human food." I wrinkled my nose at the jello, and Peter and Jasper laughed, "Darlin'....I promise, I won't ever make you try any." "Well, Jasper, now I don't know. Bella should at least try it before deciding she doesn't like it." I rolled my eyes at Peter, "Yes dad."

I lay with my head in Charlotte's lap. She was brushing my hair, twisting pieces and drawing patterns on my shoulder. It made me feel calm, safe. Rose had spent many nights doing this same thing for me; in that moment I missed her and felt a tear in the corner of my eye. I swiped at it, trying hard to stem the flow before it began, but Charlotte was too quick for me, her words soft, meant only for my ears, "Hush Bella. If you need to let it out, just do it. Nobody here will judge you honey, you're with friends." And suddenly, it stopped. I felt so warm, secure, so loved at that moment that I didn't need to cry. I could miss Rose, but know that I had just as much love here at the farm.

I almost drifted off to sleep there, by the fire, listening to the low hum of familiar voices, Char's soft hands gentle in my hair. Peter pulled out a guitar, which I heard him begin to play; when I looked up though, it was Jasper who held the instrument in his nimble fingers, plucking away. He smiled at me, "Hello darlin'." I smiled, "Since when?" "Since always." Peter grinned, that big, goofy grin that always spelt trouble, "He takes requests. He plays Britney Spears quite well." I giggled, and Jasper rolled his eyes, playing something that sounded vaguely familiar, closing his eyes as he leant back against the hay bale. I lay my head back down in Charlotte's lap and let myself drift off into a dream filled sleep.

"No...wait. Jasper....we have a guest. I think you'd like to see who it is." Alice had come home from being away, not just a short trip, it had been five years since I'd seen my sister's face. She'd arrived while Jasper had been in town, laden with bags and a huge smile as she'd hugged me. "Bella! I missed you! wait til you see what I have for you! You'll love it." We'd sat and talked, and Jasper was coming in past the front of the house, on his way to the car, "Jas? Wait....come inside a minute." He waved at me, "I just need to put some oil in while I'm thinkin' darlin'." I grinned, "You might wait if you knew who it was. There's news!"

I woke, startled, hands were shaking me, "Darlin'? Bella? Wake up? Sugar....come on now.....wake up darlin'." My eyes flew open, and my arms wrapped themselves around his neck, "Oh Jasper! I had the strangest dream." He smiled as he kissed me, "I know darlin'....I was listenin'." I giggled, "It was so odd. I'm sorry, did I make much noise?" He shook his head, "No. Just that Char couldn't wake you, so she bought me inside. I'm here now darlin'....you just go right on back to sleep."

I felt the warm breeze from an open window across my face and back as I opened my eyes; daylight was spilling into the room, across my bare feet. I lazed languidly in the heat for a moment, before Charlotte's bubbly face burst into view, "Hello honey. The boys have gone to fix something....Jasper mentioned you'd like to go swimming?" I sat up, smiling, careful to wrap the sheet around my naked self. Jasper had put me to bed the night before, had it been Charlotte I'd have something on, I was sure. She grinned, "There's a towel on the end here, I'll see you downstairs in ten minutes." I smiled, flopping back onto the soft bed. I could get used to living here. Jasper's voice was in my head before I could blink, "Me too darlin'......I'm glad you like it." I giggled, I must have accidentally directed that at him. This time, it was on purpose, "I miss home though." I heard his gentle laugh from outside as his reply was in my mind, "I know darlin'....I know. Have fun with Char."

The walk down to the river was short, Charlotte and I running full pelt into the warm lazy water, splashing as we went. I lay back and floated, enjoying the heat of the sun and the gentle flow of the current. Charlotte was doing the same, after a while she stood up, "Hey, Bells....wanna have some fun?" I shrugged, "This is pretty fun Char." She laughed, "Come with me." We ran up a narrow pathway on the side of some rocks, and suddenly came out at the top. We stood on a ledge, not dissimilar to the one I'd stood perched on, all that time ago in Forks. I shuddered, and must have paled, Charlotte took my hand in hers, "Are you afraid of heights honey? It's okay, you're completely safe." I shook my head, my voice uncertain and quiet, "No...no Char it isn't that. I....I need to....I'll be down in the water." I took off before she could say anything else, submerging my body in the water.

By the time she'd hit the water I was floating again, and she paddled over, "Bells? Hon? Everything okay?" I nodded, "Yeah just....some bad memories. And something I promised Jasper I'd never do again." she looked intrigued, but out of respect said nothing. "Well.....next time we'll bring some drinks, maybe some music. yeah?" I nodded, we held hands and let ourselves float further downstream. I'd missed the sunlight, and was going to take advantage of it as much as I could while we were here. It was late in the afternoon when we headed back to the house, to find the boys smoking on the porch. Jasper had his shirt off, boots up on the rail, and I had to keen an eye on just how much emotion i let run free. "Hey Darlin'...." He eyed me up and down as Peter whistled, "Tell me we aren't the luckiest men alive Whitlock.....look at those bodies." I blushed and Charlotte twirled in front of Peter, who promptly pulled her onto his lap. He was trying to butter her up.

It didn't take long for the whole story to come out. Some guys Peter knew were playing poker that night, and while I wasn't willing to ask "human or our kind", I was curious. Jasper was entirely open to staying home, but I smiled. "No, go. You and Peter don't see much of each other. We'll be fine here, right Char?" Charlotte smiled, "We will. We can.....paint nails or something." I groaned playfully, and she grinned, "I think I have some good horror movies inside. A little cheesy, but still ok for a sleepover." Jasper kissed me, "You call me if you want me to come home. Peter's a big boy, I don't need to be there the whole night." I nodded, snuggling in against his chest. I was happy; Jasper got some time with Peter, and Charlotte would be company until they came home. Charlotte and I always managed to have fun. Maybe she'd help me bake some more.

Jasper was reluctant to leave me, returning three times to kiss and hug me goodbye. "Darlin'....you call me. For anythin'. We aren't so far...." "I know Jas. It's okay. Honest. I"ll be fine." He pushed his hair back off his face, goddamn he was sexy. He leant down and kissed me again, long and deep, and i felt my knees turn to jelly, "Go! Before i lock you in our room and never let you leave." He grinned at my request, waving as he climbed into Peter's car. Peter hung out the window as they drove away, "It's alright Isabella. I won't let him get into too much trouble."

Charlotte grinned at me, "You planning on staying that way?" I looked down, my bikini was probably not my best choice. I shrugged, "Dunno. It's still nice outside." She smiled, "Suit yourself. I'll be down in a minute. Maybe I'll teach you how to make snickerdoodles." I smiled. That sounded like something Charlie would love. I took off to our room to change.

Back in the kitchen with Char, she'd poured us two shots of tequila, each. "Bottoms up honey. We don't cook without being well lubricated. The smell drives me to distraction." I smiled, downing the first, sipping the second slowly. "If i don't, I'll be anyone's in about two seconds." She laughed, "Oh honey, now I don't know about that. You have Jasper tattoo'd 100% on your mind and your heart."

We set about making the cookies, Charlotte surprising me by telling me they'd be okay in the freezer, the dough at least. If i felt like making a big batch and just cooking them as I saw Charlie. I nodded, downing another three shots before we were done. The music was making me smile, the cookies were baked, and Char held up the dvd remote, "Bad scary movie?" I shrugged, "Why not?"

After the movie, we just lay out on the porch swing, sharing the last of the tequila and singing along to the radio. "Hey Char?" "Yes Hon?" "You've known Jasper for like...ever, right?" "I suppose. A long time, yes." "So why doesn't he live with you guys like, permanently? I thought he was only with the Cullens for Alice?" I was uninhibited because I knew we were alone, and my secrets were safe. Charlotte smiled, "Honey, he stays for you too. Not to mention, you saw them today. There'd be nothing of them left if he and Peter were together every day." She looked thoughtful, "Besides honey, he loves the Cullens. They're as much his family as we are." I nodded, closing my eyes and leaning against Charlotte's shoulder. Thee breeze was gentle on my face, her hands were gentle in my hair. It was so peaceful here. So calm. "Char?" I asked sleepily, I felt her hands in my hair, "Mmmm?" "Will you come visit us sometime?" She smiled, "I will. Peter too. I'll make sure he behaves." I giggled, I was well and truly drunk. I stretched, I had the oddest crick in my neck lately.

Char tapped my shoulder, "Turn around, I'll fix it." I shrugged, facing the opposite way and feeling Charlotte's gentle hands working on my shoulders and neck. If i closed my eyes, I could almost pretend it was Jasper. I missed him. We rarely spent so much time apart. Charlotte's hands were miracle workers, and I told her, "Char.....that feels....wow." She smiled, "Nice?" I nodded, she moved further down my arms, into my hair. It had been a long time since I'd had anything massaged, and I was enjoying this treat. Charlotte's voice was soft in my ear, "Bella? You're beautiful." I smiled, "Thanks. So are you Char." She giggled a little, pulling me back against her, "No....Bella....you're really something. jasper's a lucky man." I blushed, opening my eyes to discover her face only inches from mine. She smiled at me, "Bella.....forgive me." I looked confused, "For wha......" She cut me off by placing her soft, gentle lips on mine. Her hands continued to rub my back, gently, and I found myself kissing her back. It felt nice. Different to kissing Jasper. I let her push my lips gently apart with her moist, soft tongue; One hand was now in my hair, the other softly resting on my breast. My voice was quiet, but surprisingly steady as I spoke, "Char I...." She pressed her finger to my lip. "Unless you're about to ask me to stop......shhh...." I nodded, surprised as I let myself lean forward and kiss Charlotte again, my own hand reaching up to tangle in her hair. I'd wondered what it would be like, if Charlotte and I had let ourselves truly go that first night with tequila.

We kissed fairly chastely for a few minutes, Charlotte's hands soft on my shoulders, in my hair. I discovered my own hands reaching for her body in a way I hadn't expected, and suddenly Charlotte had laid me out beside her on the swing. Her hand softly caressed my face, and she looked in my eyes, "Bella.....I love you and I care about you, and you are one of my dearest friends. If you want to stop, simply say." I nodded, reaching for her but she stopped me, "At any time Bella. Not just now. Okay?" I nodded, and she pressed her hand against my breast again, kissing me deeply, caressing my tongue with her own. It wasn't long before my hands were on Charlotte's breasts, massaging them the way she was mine, and I had to admit, it was pretty sexy. Charlotte was peppering kisses along my neck and collarbone, then back up to my lips, before long our bodies were pressing against each other. Charlotte grabbed my ass with one hand, squeezing gently, this was....well....damn intoxicating. Charlotte's scent, her kisses, just her closeness was turning me on, and, I could tell, she was more than excited by our efforts.

Charlotte's hand on my ass pulled me tightly to her, one leg slipped between mine, after a while I noticed I was rubbing myself against her. Wow. Suddenly I felt a little more worldly, and fought the urge to giggle. Charlotte's own hot body was rubbing against my hip, eliciting small moans from her. I pushed harder against her, her hands were inside my shirt and I was enjoying this. Her skin was soft, smoothe, as she kissed my neck again I felt my orgasm rise inside me. Wow. We weren't even...really....having sex, and I was ready to come. Her eyes flew open, they were dark with desire and sensuality, her soft mouth nibbling my ear as she spoke, her hand on my ass kneading harder as she pushed me against her leg, "Just let it go Bella....ride it out. I want to hear you." It started as a small sound, "mmmmmm......Oh Charlotte.....wow." and became louder until I was practically crying out, "Oh....Mmmm.....oh yes........Charlotte.......wow.....I......Ohh....Mmmmm........mmm...ungh.......yeah.....mmm....." I was riding the wave, and my eyes popped open in surprise, my mouth making a tiny "o" as I rode out a second and third wave. Charlotte kissed me softly, stroking my cheek, "Bella, the boys will be home soon. We should go inside." I nodded, following her. It didn't even strike me as odd, after what we'd just been up to, that Charlotte held my hand and led me to the shower, where she washed my hair for me, and soaped my back, with absolutely no sexual overtones at all.


	42. Honesty

A/N: So....some mixed reactions but nothing too bad. I did mention not to read it if you weren't into the kinky, looks like the usual offendees followed my direction :) YAY!! thanks in particular to "faultydroneunplugged", your feedback always makes me smile. PS: Def. no lemons here.

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JPOV

Bella was in bed when we got home, fast asleep. Charlotte was reading in the living room, but I couldn't shake the feeling I'd missed something. "Char? Is Bella okay?" She smiled, nodding, "She's fine. She's upstairs, sleeping. How was your night?" I smiled, slipping my boots off as I leant against the doorframe, "Peter narrowly avoided some trouble, nothing new. We won some money, drank some whiskey." Charlotte nodded, but something was up. She should have been all over the Peter thing, and she hadn't even blinked. "Char? Have I missed something? Is Bella really okay? Has Edward called?" Charlotte's laugh was too loud, awkward, like she wasn't sure what to say to me, "No, nothing. Bella really is fine Jasper, and the idiot hasn't called that I know of." I looked her in the eye, "So why is it so silent?" She rolled her eyes at me, "That's for you and Bella to talk about, if she wants to share. It's not my place." Her voice was friendly and light so I knew it wasn't something bad but I couldn't shake the feeling that......"Hey. What did you do with my wife? Is she hungover? Did you make her throw up? Jesus Char.....she never really drank as a human, how the hell much did you...." Charlotte cut me off, "Jasper. Shut it honey. I didn't get her too drunk and she definitely wasn't sick. I think she had herself quite a time."

She winked at me and it took a minute before I caught on. "Char! Did you......seduce Bella?" She shrugged, "I don't know that seduced is the right word. She was just as up for it as me....." She looked like she wanted to say more, but stopped, glancing at the doorway, "Like I said, it's Bella's choice whether you know any more than that." I pushed my hair off my head; Peter was getting closer and I didn't want to be having this discussion with him as well. "Char......was she at least sober enough to......well...." Charlotte smiled warmly, touching my arm on her way past, "Jasper, honey, you can rest easy. Bella had plenty of opportunity to say no or walk away. And you know me....if I thought she was too drunk to discriminate, I never would have put a finger on her. Besides....all I did was kiss her some." I smiled, then looked to the ground as I felt myself get hard. Charlotte laughed, "You might want to put that away though.....your wife's getting some much needed sleep Major."

BPOV

I didn't even wake when Jasper came into the room; it took until the sunlight was streaming in the windows for me to open my eyes, and there he was. He kissed me, and I blushed, memories of the night before flashing across my mind. I ducked my head, but Jasper's hand on my chin put me eye to eye, "Bella, darlin'.....I know. It's okay." He grinned, "Actually....I'm just sore I wasn't here to see it." I blushed a deeper shade, my hands flying to my face; Jasper kissed my head, "Bella...there's nothing to be embarrassed about. In fact, if you choose not to tell me anything, then so be it." I smiled, my voice soft, "Actually....it was....nice." He kissed me again, "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself darlin'. Do you want to walk with me today?" I nodded, getting out of bed, pulling on some jeans and a tee shirt. Jasper brushed my hair while I stood in front of him, it was the one job he insisted on being allowed to do, "I want to have a part in everything you do.", had been his request, and I'd gladly acquiesced, usually it was more effort than I cared for to brush it completely before pulling it up.

We walked for two hours before we stopped, atop a big hill, a huge flat in front of us, peppered here and there with odd lumps. "Jasper? Where are we?" He sighed, holding my hand a little more tightly, "We're at the first place I fought." "In the southern wars?" "No darlin'.....in the Human one." I was quiet, uncertain if there were any words for this moment, simply taking his hand in both of mine, and leaning my head on his shoulder. We stayed like that a long while, before he raised his free hand, pointing out towards the largest lump of earth, "That bump right there darlin'? That was part of a make shift fort. This was before I was awarded any promotions. We weren't allowed anywhere near there. Officers only." I looked at him, "But where did the rest of you go?" His face clouded a little with the memory, "We were fighting on the flat Isabella." "Nothing to get behind?" "we didn't exactly have time to dig in darlin'."

I shivered, looking out across the grassland, suddenly realising what all the much smaller lumps in the earth were, "Are those.......bodies?" Jasper sighed, he looked sad, "Boys never had a chance. Poor bastards....sorry darlin'." I shook my head, he was welcome to speak freely as far as I was concerned, especially when it came to war. "But....the...." He cut me off, "They're mass graves darlin'. They were dug by those of us who were left. It was a slaughter......it was so bad you couldn't see the field for the bloo....never mind." He looked distant, before smiling down at me, "darlin'....this is why war is so wicked. If they're being fought for freedom, for human rights, it's one thing, but this was just....senseless violence. Senseless murder. And those poor boys fell for the spiel like children for candy." I hugged him then, it seemed like the right thing to do. We spent maybe five minutes more before we moved on.

Our next stop, three hours west, was an all but demolished farmstead, just a fireplace and half a log wall standing. "Who lived here Jasper?" I just knew it was someone he'd known, and he smiled, "This was where my grandparents lived." I smiled, "Was it one room?" He nodded, "Sure was darlin'. One tiny room, and that big fireplace in the middle. It was either just warm enough or too darn hot, depending on the season." I smiled as I kissed his cheek, "Tell me what it was like." He sighed, "I don't really remember darlin'." I felt bad, "Sorry...I just..." He smiled and kissed me, "No, it's alright. I do have one memory. My grandfather was a hard man. Fair but....incredibly stubborn and hard. I was in trouble for makin' a mess of whatever I'd been sent out to do, and my punishment was to sit and watch everyone eat through the window. It was a special meal, fresh meat, roasted. So rare. Normally anything we had Bella, was either preserved or we sold what we raised. There wasn't money for treats." I nodded, I could only imagine.

His face lit up, "Anyway, the old man complained that he'd missed out on the best part, the crunchy, tasty outer layer that had been closest to the fire, and my grandma told him it had been too burnt. No good." He laughed aloud, "If only he'd known. After dinner, when I was allowed to go and accept the rest of the punishment," he paused here, giggling like a child, "My punishment concluded Bella, with having to sleep in the barn. It wasn't much of a punishment for a ten year old boy who was sick and tired of living in everyone else's space." I giggled as well, I could imagine, and he continued, "My grandmother came out too give me a lantern, and from underneath her wrapper she produced a still hot plate of meat and vegetables. The best part of the meat hadn't been too burnt." I laughed, "I love your grandmother. She must have been a wonderful woman." He shrugged, "I think she was. That's really all I recall of her now."

We ran back to Peter and Charlotte's in silence, I knew Jasper appreciated my wordless company. Peter held up a new tequila bottle but I shook my head, "None for me. How'm I s'posed to play cards for real if you keep getting me drunk?" Charlotte smiled at me, I had expected to feel awkward or uneasy with her, but I didn't. In fact, when she patted the spot on the porch swing next to her, I was more than willing to sit beside her, even indulging her request to braid my hair, despite the intimacy it invited.

Jasper picked up my feet, sitting on the other end of the swing and smiled, "None for me either Pete. I have plans later." Peter chuckled, "Whitlock! It isn't like you to share.....well done Miss Bella." I blushed, looking at Jasper. Peter was right, it wasn't like Jasper to share at all. Jasper smiled, "Peter god. Not everything is sexual. I want to take Bella up to look at the stars on the bluffs." Charlotte beamed, "You'll love it honey. It's beautiful." I smiled, and she went on, "Jasper told me all about how you two like to watch the sky. I think it's romantic." She stared at Peter then, who shrugged, "What? I can't go and do it now, can I? It wouldn't be romantic to steal an idea you already knew about." Charlotte sighed and laughed, "Bella, honey, you hold onto yours. Mine is a headache, but yours....yours is one of a kind." I knew she was joking about Peter, but she was dead on about Jasper. I couldn't live without him.

Peter threw his hands up in the air, "Well then, I guess there's no point to playing poker at all. Whitlock, I'll be in the barn with my engine when you're done being all new fangled." He was smiling, so I knew he was joking, but I felt bad. Jasper should spend time with Peter, we rarely saw them. I looked to him, but he shook his head, speaking low, "No darlin'....I want you to see this."

We set off a little after dark, hunting on the way to the bluffs. Jasper took off after something on my left, I settled for a couple of jackrabbits. They tasted a little ordinary, I laughed to myself. I had never expected to find myself liking or disliking a particular animals taste. Here I was though, thinking I'd rather one of Edward's mountain lions than this grassy jackrabbit. Jasper smiled as he came closer, "What?" I smiled, "Nothing. Let's go."

We lay out on the bluffs, watching the sky until I fell asleep. Char had been right, it was incredibly beautiful. "Bella darlin'?" I leant into Jasper's shoulder, semi-awake, "Mmmm?" "Darlin'....are you happy?" I half opened one eye, "Jasper Whitlock...if you think I kissed Char because I'm unha....." He cut me off, "No, no darlin'. Not that. I just worry about you. I know you worry about Edward." I didn't have to hear the rest of the sentence to know what he wanted to add, "When you really don't need to give him a second of your time after what he's done". I sighed, "No. I'm happy Jasper. Incredibly happy. Edward is....a temporary setback." "Yeah, as temporary as intermittent engine trouble. He's never going to get any better darlin'." I shrugged, he continued, "Maybe we should travel a while. Get out, see the world." I sat up, wide awake now, "Jasper Whitlock, are you trying to removed the apple tree from Adam?"

He laughed at my analogy, "Kind of? I just....Bella, if Edward doesn't improve, I don't want to live with the Cullens anymore. I can't do it Bella, darlin'....he just....makes me so angry. He might have the raw deal because he can hear my thoughts no matter how guarded they are but....I can feel everything he feels, so can you, and he isn't going to stop doing it anytime soon darlin'. It worries me." "Why? I'm a big girl. I'm getting better at blocking specific people out. Carlisle thinks I'm doing exceptionally well, actually." Jasper smiled, kissing my forehead, "Darlin'.....Carlisle's also worried you'll become a neurotic basket case if Edward doesn't get any better. You can't keep going through that guilt every time he does something stupid. I can't keep going through it." I sighed, laying back on the rocks, "We'll see. Jasper, I love you, and I can't imagine being anywhere without you but.....it breaks my heart to think I might not see any of the others." I bit my lip, "Rose especially. Jasper....she's my best friend. Even more so than Alice has ever been. Jasper.....being a newborn has been incredibly hard." Oops. There it was. Laid bare, the one thing I'd managed to hide from Jasper ever since the start.

He stiffened beside me, then leant over my face, his hand caressing my cheek, "Darlin'....no. Please.....promise me you haven't been keeping this from me for long." I blushed, my eyes dipped low, even I felt embarrassed I hadn't just told him. He sighed, kissing me, "Darlin'.....oh...sugar, I'm sorry I didn't notice." I smiled, "You did. When it was at it's worst. The rest of the time I just didn't want you to worry. It's okay....Rose has been really.....good." I began to cry, and he pulled me into his arms, "Goddamnit Bella, hell knows why you're the one's cryin'. I should damn well be, not even noticin' how my wife was sufferin'." I shook my head, "No....no Jasper, it's nothing you need to feel bad about. Honest. I could have....should have spoken up. I didn't want to give you anything else to worry about. I know you were spending a lot of time worrying about Edward......and....how he makes me feel sometimes." I sighed, "Jasper......I didn't hide it intentionally. I just.....it felt like I was supposed to figure it out for myself."

Jasper looked at me, "Isabella. I love you for trying to be so brave, but promise you'll never keep anythin' from me, okay? ANythin' darlin'....anythin'. Promise." I nodded, "Cross my heart. I swear. Rose has been tellling me to talk to you for a while now. I'm sorry." We sat at the top of the bluffs and waited, watching the sun come up. We talked for hours, about everything, and I honestly felt like we were more one being now than we ever had been before. The walk back to Peter and Charlotte's went easily, quuickly, we were in step and in sync, and I think we both finally understood the other's point of view, on several points.


	43. Chapter 43

A/N: GUYS! I'm so sorry it's been forever! I've been overwhelmed with my honors thesis for College, and moving, and a new job. Ugh. No excuse, but It kind of fell to the backburner. I'm back on track now, and should have a few posts before monday night, I've got handfuls of half finished chapters to complete and post. :) Excuse my writing too...cause it might take me a while to get back into the swing of things. :)

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Much to my surprise, one afternoon almost two weeks later, I heard a car on the dirt drive. "Char? Are the boys back?" "It's not Peter's truck hon." She was moving around, I could hear her, and then, "And they're not due for another four hours. You can't be missing him that bad." I giggled, "No, I'm fine. That's definitely a car here though?" I hopped down the stairs to the living room, joining her by the window, "Yes Bella. It's definitely here. Why don't you go see who it is honey?"

A familiar blonde head poked out from behind the dark tinted door first, and then I threw myself at the body it was attached to, "Rose! I had no idea you were coming!" She kissed my cheek, and looked at me, "Bella, you look beautiful. I don't know why everyone is so worried about you." I had to act quickly so I didn't broadcast my reaction to all around me, leave it to Rose not to beat around the bush. "So who convinced you I was hardly surviving?" She hugged me, "Nobody. I just decided I hadn't heard enough from you lately, and took it on myself to come see how you were." She grinned, "That, and Carlisle was threatening to come. I figured you might prefer me."

I hugged her to me, sharing a simple thought only with her, "Rose...you have no idea how much I've missed you." She smiled at me, taking my hand, "Well...come on then, show me round. Em's finding the boys. He's got gifts, but I promised I'd let him hand them over." I smiled, "Char's inside, tidying the lounge. Wait til you see our room!" Rose laughed and followed me inside. This was a long overdue and very welcome surprise.

We were laying on my bed later, Rose playing with my hair as we talked and talked, when I heard Jasper from outside, "Darlin'? There's somebody else here to see ya." I giggled with delight as I raced down to meet Emmett, who swept me into his arms and ruffled my hair, "Hey Bells. Did Rosie spoil my surprises?" I giggled, "No...she did real good." He smiled as he put me down, "Come on...no way they have you talking like them already." I giggled again, feeling giddy with happiness. Th warmth and love I felt in the room had nothing to do with Jasper's gift, it was just so nice to have my family around me. Jasper smiled, "Now you listen up good varmint...y'all ain't gon' be fussin' with my woman fer long if y'all keep pickin' bout the way she's talkin'." I giggled, he was being ridiculous.

Emmett's big bellow filled the room as he threw me over his shoulder and took me out front to the car, setting me down on the roof, "Now you stay up there. No peeking." I smiled, it was nice to be surrounded by the contagious laughter and happiness of Emmett. He tossed me two big square boxes, poorly wrapped, "Rose let me do those ones. They're just from me." He grinned, proud, "Just me." I looked at him as I pretended to shake them, "Can I open them in polite company?" He laughed, "Aw Bells. Y'know I'll never buy you anything bad like that." He looked through the window at Rosalie, "She might...not me." I blushed again, gently unwrapping the first box, "Em...this was a good job." He beamed, leaning against the car beside me and making me smile that he was almost head to head with me. I pulled out an envelope, "You put this in that big box?" He shrugged, "I didn't want you to guess." "Guess what? That you wrote me a letter?" He blushed, "Bells...I do NOT write letters. Open the envelope." I gently prised the seal open, pulling out two tickets, "To?" "Jesus Bells...what good is a surprise if I have to tell you every part? Just read them." I peered down at the tiny tickets, "Madison Square Garden Presents...OH my god. EM...did you...you didn't...oh my god." I flung my arms around his neck, dangling from the roof of the car to hug him. He'd given me four tickets to a basketball game at MSG. Obviously he and Rose would be coming with us. "I love this. Thank you." "Yeah...well...you just keep an eye on that husband of yours. It's not a buffet." I giggled, "He's gonna have your ass so bad later." Em shrugged, "Probably. I'll take it like a man."

I giggled, picking the second box up, "Are there tickets in this one as well?" He shook his head, "Nope. You'll probably like this one better. Well...I hope, anyway." Inside the first box was a second, then a third, and finally, the fourth, which was a small, flat square box. I recognised the blue of Tiffany, and looked at Emmett curiously, "Em? You went to Tiffany?" He beamed with pride, "I did. I didn't even tell anyone I was going." He smiled, "Except mom. I needed her to tell me how to find it." I smiled, prying to box open and feeling a tear spring to my eye as I saw what was inside. "OH...Em...I love it." I gently took the charm bracelet from the box, and held it in the light so I could see what was hanging there already, Emmett's big finger pointed to each one, "That one? Well...obvious." It was a bear charm, whcih made me smile. "And that one...well...I took liberties a little. The crest is a charm from Mom and Carlisle." I smiled, "And the...Emmett? Is that an ambulance?" He laughed, "It is. So you don't forget about your human time." I giggled, holding my wrist out so he would help me fasten it on. He lifted me off the roof, pushing me towards the house, "Rose has some from her and Alice...and...Ed...well...there's a couple more at the house when you get home."

JPOV

Watching Isabella outside with Emmett was a refreshing scene. As much as I knew she was happy here, I wanted her to feel like she could go home if she wished. I knew she was missing Charlie; I'd found her looking through the pictures in her cell phone only a few nights before, having an alone moment with tears in her eyes. When Rose called and said they were coming to visit, I couldn't have been more enthusiastic.

I smiled when I saw her enthusiasm for the bracelet, Rose had revealed the secret gift just before their arrival, giving me just enough time to choose and order my own addition. It awaited her in our bedroom, where I had another surprise in store as well. She beamed as she wandered back inside, holding up her wrist, "Look guys! Em chose it all by himself." Rose smiled, "I have some gifts for you as well."

BPOV

That night before Jasper came to bed, I lay against the pillows, my arm up in front of me, watching the charms dangle on the bracelet. Apart from the three charms it had come with, it now had a small crystal ball charm from Alice and a pretty heart charm from Rosalie. Jasper appeared then, holding a small box of his own, "You didn't think I wasn't in on it as well?" I smiled, sitting up and crossing my legs, "I kind of hoped I could use something else of yours tonight." He laughed, kissing me, his hand lingering on my breast as he sat beside me, "Darlin'...I think that could be arranged. Now do me a favor. Open your gift so I can be done with the wondering."

I started to open the box as I smiled, "Wondering?" "That you might hate it." "I could never...Oh Jasper..." I was speechless. Inside the box was the most beautiful, perfect charm. A tiny, diamond studded white gold background represented the sword in Orion's belt. I felt my eyes fill with tears of joy, and held out my bracelet and the charm, "I love it. Thank you. Please..." He reached to fasten the clip, and then pushed me back onto the pillows, gently unbuttoning my jeans as he did so, his lips gentle on my neck and then my jaw line, "So darlin'...how about you thank me for my gift?" I giggled and blushed as my hands clawed at his shirt, trying to free him of it as his mouth closed over mine. This was going to be a very good end to what had been an incredibly good day.


End file.
